A Walk Between Worlds

This morning I went out for my now usual 06:00 4 mile exercise pre-work - My wife couldn't get out of bed to join me 2nd day running two black marks on her exercise book..

I Actually have a day off today (Nice long bank-holiday weekend) but such is work pressure and pride I wrote my weekly report and sent it before claiming my day off (Stupid really - unpaid too Pride does that to you though and pressure of work etc)

Nothing unusual, just me in my usual football joggers and a Raiders hoodie looking the part of the man on a mission out to shed some pounds and get back in shape - Walk - loose weight - get fitter - start running again..

It was early, but warm the sun coming up, the kind of time where the world is quieter, more reflective.

I had a crossdressing podcast in my ears via Spotify, familiar voices now having listened to them yesterday also talking about the urge, the expression, coming out to your partner and the softer side to men and identities we carry and hide inside.

I saw three women and two men walking dogs no one else on the 4 mile trek.

Two women were jogging and one walking her dog. All of them in figure-hugging lycra leggings and fitted tees. Their hair tied back in high or normal ponytails. Light makeup, lipstick.

I wasn't thinking coooor look at her like most men despite one having those scrunched bum Amazon leggings I was more admiring how they looked even in exercise as I look at most women who make an effort .. Even before this I noticed my wife had hung a blue and white dress on the outside of her wardrobe ready to wear today - Then coming home from my walk there she was wearing it doing her makeup getting ready for work.

What was I also feeling was it Jealousy? yes maybe a bit.

Not a longing for a dress or those Amazon leggings but more for the freedom of choice women have. The permission maybe society given compared to what men are restricted to.

These women weren’t just exercising. They were allowed to express beauty, fitness, femininity all at once. They were allowed to be seen. I, meanwhile, was listening to a podcast that in many ways reminded me why I still have to keep Davina hidden as society isn't ready for all men all of a sudden to express this softer side - But then maybe we'd no see wars.. joking now but maybe Women would start wars instead lol.

I imagined myself on the walk dressed like them. Tight Amazon leggings showing off my sexy ass and shapely legs lol, a sports bra with my C cup breast forms beneath, a light tee, my blonde wig pulled back into a ponytail, feminine spray / scent of perfume in the air. Maybe a cap. Maybe even red lips why not. I pictured walking like that—Harmless.

I wasn’t just envious of their outfits. I envious for the right to choose to be out there as "Davina", if I wanted to. Of course I have that right but I also have my "Man-Self" image to look after and how people expect me to be.

I thought just once maybe it would be nice to walk that line as "Davina" To walk confidently, without fear or nerves, but with pride. Not having to worry about who see's me, or what they might think if they knew. Back to the real world "Not gonna happen" lol

It’s not about transitioning. It’s not about becoming someone else. It’s about feeling free to present as myself, maybe sometimes as "Davina", in moments like these—where the weather is good, the air is fresh, and the "woman in me" wants to stretch her legs and exist in the world. Maybe one daring day when away from home..

Until then, I can imagine it —in my mind.

Davina