A weekend away, back now to routine and duty .. and the Davina dilema

Sometimes you don't realise how much you need to get away until you actually do it.

This weekend was one of those occasions. A family weekend away, getting everyone together, the kids, the parents and us and, for a little while, escaping the usual routines, responsibilities and pressures of everyday life.

However it was hard work keeping everyone happy with the age range between the kids and grandparents 60 years. Mobility is vastly different

However the break from work was much needed.. I booked 2 more days off so not back until Thursday 2 days with the kids before College / Uni.

The only downside was the weather.

We had hoped for some time on the beach after a very hot summer, but the weather had other ideas. So there wasn't much opportunity for sitting by the sea, soaking up the sunshine and doing absolutely nothing.

But that didn't stop me from enjoying myself.

It also didn't stop my roving eye.

And before anyone gets the wrong idea, I don't mean ogling women. There's a big difference between staring at someone and simply appreciating how people present themselves.

Even in pretty miserable weather, there were plenty of women who had clearly made an effort with their appearance.

Hair done, makeup on, carefully chosen outfits and, of course, plenty of women out exercising in their Lycra, determined to keep themselves fit regardless of what the weather was doing.

I notice those things.

Perhaps that's partly because of Davina.

When you've spent years learning about makeup, clothes, styling and presentation, you naturally start noticing the little details.

The way someone has done their makeup, the cut of a dress, the combination of colours, the shoes, the hair.

Sometimes it's simply admiration.

And perhaps there's a little bit of me thinking, I wish I could do that right now.

The positive side of social media

While all this has been going on, something else has been quietly growing.

My X account has now passed 1,500 followers, having grown from where I was at the end of July.

That's pretty amazing to me.

I've been trying to use my platform positively, talking openly about crossdressing, relationships, acceptance, the realities of being a crossdresser and, perhaps most importantly, trying to show that crossdressing doesn't automatically mean something is wrong with a relationship.

I've had some lovely responses, particularly from other crossdressers and from people who have found something useful or reassuring in what I've written.

I'm certainly not claiming to have all the answers.

I'm just sharing my experiences.

And if something I've written helps another crossdresser understand themselves, helps someone feel less alone, or even helps a wife or partner understand what might be going on inside their partner's head, then it's worth doing.

The fact that more than 1,500 people have chosen to follow along suggests that there is an audience for positive conversations about crossdressing.

And I'm only getting started.

Then reality comes knocking

Tomorrow one of the kids heads off to college.

It's not far away, actually, it's only a short walk, but it's another reminder that family life is changing.

The other will head back to university in the middle of September.

And that brings me to something I've been thinking about quite a lot.

When am I going to get the opportunity to become Davina?

That's the dilemma.

School was relatively predictable. There was a very obvious gap in the day. Once everyone was out at school from roughly 8am until 3:30pm, there was a window where I knew I had some time to myself.

College and university are different.

Their days are much more fluid.

Timetables change. They can come home unexpectedly. They might be in for an hour, disappear again, come back early, stay out late or simply decide to work from home.

That makes planning my own time much harder.

And for someone like me, that can become a genuine problem.

I've already experienced it once.

When my oldest was at local college, I went through a period where finding an opportunity to dress became incredibly difficult. It wasn't simply frustrating because I couldn't put on a dress.

It affected me mentally.

For me, Davina isn't just about clothes.

She's an escape.

She's the opportunity to step away from being me in my everyday male role for a while. Makeup, wig, lingerie, tights, heels, dress, the whole transformation.

It's time where I can concentrate on something completely different and feel feminine.

It gives me a reset.

Take that away for a prolonged period and I notice the difference and think my wife when I've dressed notices me a bit lighter too.

So I'm looking at the next couple of years and wondering how this is going to work.

My makeup will still be sitting there in the drawers.

The dresses will still be hanging upstairs.

The shoes will still be waiting.

Everything I need to become Davina will be right there.

But having everything available and actually having the time and privacy to use it are two very different things.

It could mean waiting for those rare occasions when everyone is out for a sustained period.

And that uncertainty is difficult.

And then there's my wife

There's another part of this that I probably need to address.

Lately, when it comes to my crossdressing, it feels as though my wife has gone a little radio silent.

Perhaps that's just my perception.

Perhaps she's busy.

Perhaps it's something she's processing herself.

Or perhaps we've simply slipped back into avoiding a conversation that really needs to happen.

Whatever the reason, I think we need to talk.

Not necessarily about how often I should dress or when I'm going to dress, but about Davina and what crossdressing means to me.

Give her that book to read...!!!

I've always wanted to be honest about this part of myself.

And I don't want it to become something we simply don't talk about.

Communication matters in any relationship, and especially when you have something as personal as this sitting quietly in the background.

I'd rather have an honest conversation than allow silence to create assumptions on either side.

The next two years

So here I am.

One child starting college.

Another heading back to university.

Family life changing again.

A growing X following.

A wardrobe full of dresses.

Makeup sitting in drawers.

And Davina waiting patiently for her next opportunity.

I know I'll get there eventually.

The question is when.

Maybe I'll get lucky and find those unexpected gaps in the day.

Maybe there will be weekends when the house is empty.

Maybe I'll manage to create opportunities rather than simply waiting for them to appear.

And maybe, most importantly, I'll have the conversation with my wife that I've been putting off. Why have I been putting it off? Just the vibe from her when I've mentioned anything relating to "Davina" ...

Because I've learned something over the years.

Crossdressing doesn't disappear simply because you don't have the opportunity to do it.

The desire remains.

And for me, so does Davina.

She's part of me, and when I get the opportunity to become her, it gives me something I genuinely need, a chance to escape, reset and simply enjoy being someone different for a while.

So the next chapter begins.

The next couple of years could be a challenge.

But I've got through periods like this before.

And I'm sure I'll find a way.

Now I just need to find the opportunity.

Until then, I wait.. 😔

Davina