Anniversary and Cardiff Hotel and escape

Twenty-five years ago around this time my wife and I were on honeymoon in in the Caribean.

The temperature there was certainly a bit warmer than Wales in May, usually although we’ve had a hell of a week with this heat wave.

Fast forward a quarter of a century and this weekend was a much simpler affair, an overnight stay in Cardiff to round off our anniversary week.

And honestly, sometimes simple is exactly what you need, I just wanted a relaxing day and night no drama forget about work and other stresses in life and just chill with my wife..

We headed into Cardiff early, checked into the hotel, lucky the room was ready albeit a low room with no view .. I like to sit in the window in this particular hotel and people watch but never mind.. We went for breakfast, wandered around the shops, bought a few things and had a few drinks and a snack, then back to the room just to switch off for a while before the evening started properly.

No rush. No schedules. No alarms. Just time together away from normal life.

That “hotel room in the middle of a city” feeling always changes your mindset slightly.

You are only an hour or so from home, but mentally it feels much further away.

The responsibilities stay behind for a bit.

After a relaxed afternoon (and some fun in the room …) then getting ready for the evening, we headed out for a meal that was far posher than anywhere I would normally choose myself.

The only reason we went there was because of gift vouchers.

The food was excellent, but the portions defeated me completely and the desert was just too much.

One of those meals where halfway through you realise you’ve made a tactical error.

I actually stopped drinking alcohol afterwards and switched to soft drinks because I was so full.

We ended up in a pub watching the Formula 1 qualifying before finishing the night off with a bit of music and atmosphere around the city.

Cardiff on a Saturday night is always interesting for people watching.

It genuinely felt like women outnumbered men everywhere we went.

And yes, I admit it, I notice style and presentation, but hey I have a liscence from my wife to peruse as she knows I’m no letch I’m critiquing hair, makeup and heels – wow some nice heels on show.. attached to some nice legs too.

Dresses, heels, tights, makeup, hair, confidence, effort.

My wife jokes about my “licence to peruse” because she knows there’s no creepy intent behind it. I appreciate aesthetics and presentation probably more than most men do.

I notice combinations, coordination and effort.

What also struck me during the day was the variety of people out enjoying themselves and simply existing comfortably as themselves.

Early on I spotted a trans woman passing one of the pubs, then later another out for the evening glammed up and socialising naturally with a group of women friends. Red dress, tanned legs and heels she stood out as she was much taller than the girls she was out with and also an Adams apple which was the real tell I guess they were headed for Marys LGBTQ bar maybe.. I really cant feel my Adams apple I’m lucky.

It was just quietly nice to see a T-girl out with 4 or 5 women.

Later still, in the pub where we watched the F1 qualifying, there was a group of probable trans students who looked slightly awkward and self-conscious, as though they were still finding their confidence and place socially.

Seeing all of that made me reflect on myself more than anything else.

Because while the whole day was about me and my wife there was still that quiet background presence in my mind of another form of escape entirely. The type that isn’t about hotels, food, drinks or weekends away.

Crossdressing for me has never really been about shock value or attention. It is much more difficult to explain than that. It is a reset. A mental escape hatch. A way of stepping outside of the constant structure, responsibility and identity that comes with everyday life, career pressures and simply being “ME” all the time.

One woman in particular stood out late in the evening. Long blonde hair, black lace dress, black tights, black heels, elegant makeup, confident look.

One of those people who clearly took time getting ready and carried themselves well.

In my own head I jokingly named her “Davina.”

And that probably says more about me than it does about her.

Because the reality is, if I were ever out socially presenting as Davina, I would want to feel that I genuinely looked the part and looked as confident as she did.

Not exaggerated. Not caricatured. Just stylish, confident and believable enough to blend naturally into the surroundings rather than draw attention.

Interestingly, seeing that blonde woman changed my own thinking slightly.

My instinct has always leaned more towards autumn and winter fashion, tights, boots, heels, coats, smarter layered outfits because they feel more elegant, comfortable and forgiving. But seeing somebody wearing a fitted black dress with tights and heels in a classy rather than over-the-top way made me think perhaps my own imagined “Davina style” might actually work in an environment like Cardiff after all.

At the same time, I also noticed something else: Presentation changes how people react to you.

The blonde woman naturally drew male attention because of how she was dressed and carried herself. And if I ever were out socially as Davina, that balance would matter to me.

I would want to look smart and feminine without feeling overly conspicuous or attracting the wrong kind of attention. There is probably a fine line between fitting in stylishly and feeling suddenly very visible.

That is perhaps the strange complexity of it all.

The Cardiff trip relaxed me physically and emotionally but not fully as there’s work pressure and life pressure I can’t escape fully.

Davina relaxes me mentally in a completely different way.

That doesn’t mean the weekend was lacking anything. Far from it. It was lovely.

Calm. Comfortable. Familiar in the best possible sense after 25 years together. But sometimes you can still feel another part of yourself quietly sitting in the background waiting for space and time of its own but it’s not the time or place to start talking to your wide about your feminine escape.

And perhaps that’s normal too.

On the way back to the hotel not long after 22:00 – We are lightweights that meal did me over.. We passed Marys LGBTQ bar and through the window I could see a mooustached drag queen leading an anthem of a song with the sound of lots of people belting it out at the top of thir lungs having a great time and I thought .. I wonder what it’s like being in there as the straight man with my wife and would she go in there knowing its an LGBTQ pub and we’re not LGBTQ.. Well I’m secretly the T but wouldn’t admit it.. It just looked and sounded a lot of fun.. Maybe one day we’ll leave out straight pubs and try Marys for a drink and soak in the bohemian lifestyle and entertainment of the  Number one LGBTQ pub in Cardiff.

Life is rarely just one identity, one role or one version of ourselves. Husband. Father Football supporter. Coach, Leader, Observer. Provider. Dreamer. Sometimes even Davina.

Maybe the real trick in life is learning that different parts of you need different kinds of rest.

Davina