Chapter 13 — What Does This Mean for the Relationship?

Davina: Eventually, she got to the point where she could walk into the bedroom and actually meet Davina.

So over those eight years, her understanding evolved from:

“What is he doing?”

to:

“What does this mean for us?”

And for me, the answer is increasingly clear: it gives me an escape from male stress, pressure and the expectations of masculinity.

But my wife has asked me something that really made me think:“You've got crossdressing. What do I have?”

And that's a very fair question.

I've found something that gives me a mental reset. I can become Davina, relax, let the male persona go for a while and come back feeling calmer.

But what does my wife have that gives her that same escape?

That's something I probably need to understand better.

Because acceptance shouldn't just be about my wife making space for Davina. It should also be about making sure there's space for her, her stresses, her needs, her worries and whatever gives her an opportunity to switch off too.

And perhaps that's another conversation we need to have.

Anna - I think, again, we just didn't rush anything. It wasn't a case of You know, straight away full makeover. You know anything like that we started off small and I was honest, and I did have to say, because I think what a lot of people have explained is that it they want to do it all because they've never told anybody it's out in the open, it becomes all you talk about, it becomes You know, the topic of conversation, just dominates everything and I did have to say Harry a few times. Can we just not talk about it today? Let's just have a have a day off from from thinking about it and likewise doing things at a slower Pace.

Davina - When we finally get a foot in the door, we really do need and want to talk about it. Sometimes we fret over bringing it up because we don't know how our partner will react, and it can be very easy for the conversation to get shut down. When that happens repeatedly, it can lead to frustration and resentment on both sides.

For me, what I wanted from those conversations wasn't anything particularly complicated.

I wanted to explain why I dressed.

Onto the next chapter..