CrossdressedUK article: My thanks and praise..

Read this first https://cdtra007.wixsite.com/mysite/post/crossdresseduk-article and then this..

When I sent my original piece about the book I had written for my wife to CrossdressedUK, I knew it was going to be edited.

That’s what happens when you submit something for publication. You write your version of the story, someone else reads it with an editorial eye, and they decide what works, what needs changing and what might work better for their audience.

What I didn’t really expect was just how much Harriet and Anna would reshape it.

Having now read the published version of “I Wrote a Book for My Wife About My Crossdressing — But I Haven’t Given It to Her Yet”, I thought I’d look at it from the other side.

This isn't a complaint about the editing. Quite the opposite.

It’s my attempt to explain what I think they did, why they did it, and whether I think they improved my story.

And, having read it carefully, I think they did.

They Found the Story Inside My Story

My original was very much written as me talking about my book.

I was explaining why I had written it, what was in it, how my crossdressing had developed and why, months later, I still hadn't actually handed the book to my wife.

Harriet and Anna seem to have looked at all of that and asked a slightly different question:

What is the actual story here?

And I think they found it.

The story isn't simply that I wrote a book about crossdressing.

The story is that I wrote more than a hundred pages trying to explain something to my wife that I couldn't properly explain twenty years ago and then became so worried about her reaction that I couldn't bring myself to give it to her.

That's much more interesting.

The title they chose immediately demonstrates that.

I Wrote a Book for My Wife About My Crossdressing — But I Haven’t Given It to Her Yet

That's a good title.

It creates a question in the reader's head immediately.

Why haven't I given it to her?

What is in the book?

Why did I write it?

What am I frightened of?

And, perhaps most importantly, what happens when she eventually reads it?

My original title and structure didn't quite have that same pull.

They Turned It Into a Journey

One of the biggest improvements is the structure.

The published version takes the reader through my story almost chronologically.

Childhood.

The fascination with clothing.

Meeting my wife.

Crossdressing almost disappearing.

The accidental discovery.

The night my wife dressed me.

The infamous:

“Ew. No!”

The letter I wrote afterwards.

The years of negotiation.

The development of Davina.

And eventually the book.

That gives the article a beginning, middle and unresolved ending.

It's almost a little story within the bigger story of my life.

And that matters because somebody who knows nothing about me can now read it without needing any previous knowledge of Davina.

They can follow the journey.

They Made My Wife Part of the Story

This is probably the bit I appreciate most.

It would have been very easy for an article about my book to become entirely about me.

Me discovering crossdressing.

Me becoming Davina.

Me learning makeup.

Me dressing.

Me wanting acceptance.

Me wanting opportunities to present.

But Harriet and Anna have made my wife part of the story.

And rightly so.

She didn't marry Davina.

She didn't know when we met that this would become part of our marriage.

She didn't choose it.

Yet she has lived alongside it for around twenty years.

She's seen the evolution from something I did privately to the fully presented Davina that exists today.

She's dressed me.

Done my makeup.

Helped with wigs.

Seen me working from home as Davina.

And, on one memorable occasion, walked through London with me.

She has also struggled with it.

She's had boundaries.

She's had questions.

There have been periods where we've probably both found it easier to avoid the subject.

The edited article doesn't turn her into either a saint or a villain.

It presents her as what she actually is:

my wife, trying to find her own way through something unexpected.

I think that's important.

They Got the Difference Between Acceptance and Participation

There's a sentence in the published article that I particularly like:

“Acceptance within a relationship doesn’t necessarily look like enthusiastic participation.”

That is something I've learned over the years.

My wife doesn't have to love Davina.

She doesn't have to want to dress me.

She doesn't have to want to go out with me.

She doesn't have to become fascinated by crossdressing.

She doesn't even have to want to talk about it every week.

Acceptance can simply mean understanding that this is part of who I am and finding a way for both of us to live comfortably with that reality.

And the article makes an equally important point:

“Her boundaries matter too.”

That's something I absolutely agree with.

If this article is read by other crossdressers and their partners, I hope that message comes through.

It's not about one person winning and the other losing.

It's about finding something that works for two people.

They Explained Davina Better Than I Could Twenty Years Ago

The section explaining who Davina is now is another place where I think the editing really works.

I've spent years trying to explain that being Davina doesn't mean I want to stop being male.

I'm comfortable being a man.

I'm a husband.

I'm a dad.

I'm a coach.

I'm a bloke who has spent most of his life dealing with work, responsibility, decisions and all the things that come with being the person everyone expects to sort things out.

Davina gives me something different.

Femininity.

Creativity.

Fashion.

Makeup.

Softness.

Calm.

Escape.

And simply the enjoyment of becoming somebody completely different for a while.

The article describes Davina almost as a reset button.

I think that's probably one of the best descriptions I've ever used.

And then comes another sentence I really like:

“Davina isn’t about rejecting masculinity. For me, she’s about allowing femininity to exist beside it.”

That's it.

That's probably the simplest explanation I've ever managed.

They Kept the Humour

I'm glad they didn't edit all the personality out of it.

Because my story isn't entirely serious.

There's the fact that my wife thought dressing me as a woman would be a bit of fun.

There's me thinking she already knew I crossdressed.

There's the discovery that she absolutely did not know.

There's the makeup.

The dress.

The heels.

The mirror.

And then me trying to kiss her.

“Ew. No!”

Twenty years later, that's a pretty funny memory.

Then there's my wife apparently deciding that my legs looked better than hers and calling me a bitch.

That's another moment that makes me laugh every time I think about it.

Those little details are important because they make the story human.

Crossdressing isn't always angst, secrecy and serious discussions about identity.

Sometimes it's just funny.

They Made the Book Into More Than a Book

Another thing the edited article brought out better than my original was what the book actually represents.

When I started writing, I wasn't thinking:

I'm going to write a book.

I was thinking I was going to write a blog post after that conversation with my wife in January.

Then one memory led to another.

Then another.

And suddenly, three days later, I'd written more than a hundred pages.

Looking back, I think I was writing the explanation I wished I'd been capable of giving her twenty years earlier.

Twenty years ago, I had the questions.

I didn't necessarily have the answers.

I could tell her what crossdressing wasn't.

I couldn't properly explain what it was.

The book is different because I've now lived through twenty more years of experience.

That distinction comes across really strongly in the published article.

One of the best lines is:

“The letter came from somebody suddenly scrambling for answers. The book comes from somebody who has lived those answers.”

I couldn't have put it better myself.

They Also Made Me Less Defensive

This is probably one of the most important editorial changes.

My original writing can sometimes become quite passionate when I'm talking about crossdressing.

That's understandable.

I've spent years thinking about acceptance, stereotypes and the assumptions people make about men who crossdress.

But the published version feels calmer.

It's not saying:

“This is who I am, so everyone else needs to accept everything I want.”

It's saying:

“This is who I am. This is what I've learned. This is what it means to me. And other people are entitled to their own feelings and boundaries.”

That's a much stronger position.

It makes the article more accessible to partners.

And I think that's important for Crossdressed UK.

The audience isn't just crossdressers.

There are wives, husbands, partners and people trying to understand somebody they love.

If a partner reads my story and feels that I'm demanding that they immediately embrace everything about crossdressing, then I've failed.

If they read it and think:

“I don't completely understand this, but perhaps I understand my partner a little better now,”

then the article has achieved something worthwhile.

Is It Still My Story?

Yes.

That's probably the biggest compliment I can give Harriet and Anna.

It's been edited.

It's been structured.

It's been polished.

Some things have been moved around.

Some things have been expanded.

Some things have been simplified.

But when I read it, I still recognise myself.

I still recognise Davina.

I still recognise my wife.

I still recognise our relationship.

And I still recognise the awkward, funny, complicated journey we've been on.

That's important because there's a danger when someone else edits your personal story that it can become technically better but emotionally less yours.

I don't think that happened here.

Was It Too Long?

Possibly.

It's a substantial article.

But then again, my life with Davina isn't a five-minute story.

Neither is a twenty-year marriage involving something neither of us expected when we got together.

The headings make the length manageable, and each section has a purpose.

So while I might have been tempted to cut it myself, I think the length works for the Crossdressed UK audience.

It's more of a feature than a quick blog post.

And perhaps that's what my story needed.

What They Really Changed

If I had to summarise Harriet and Anna's editorial contribution in one sentence, I'd say this:

They didn't change what happened. They changed how the reader experiences what happened.

My original was me telling you about my book.

Their version makes you wonder whether I'm going to give it to my wife.

My original explained Davina.

Their version makes you understand Davina.

My original talked about acceptance.

Their version explores what acceptance actually means within a marriage.

My original talked about my wife.

Their version makes you consider what the experience must have been like for her too.

That's good editing.

And Now I've Got Another Problem

There is an irony here.

I've now publicly written an article explaining why I wrote a book for my wife.

I've discussed the book.

I've discussed what's in it.

I've discussed why I haven't given it to her.

I've even publicly admitted that perhaps I simply need to stop overthinking it and hand it over.

So after Harriet and Anna's editing, I'm left with the same problem I started with.

I've still got to give my wife the book.

Maybe that's the next chapter.

Maybe we'll have a date in Cardiff next Saturday and thats my opportunity alone just us two and bring up Davina again.. how I loved what she said in January "Davina as a fem friend" .. how I dont want us to go quiet on crossdressing and how complicated it is for me to escape stress with the kids a major obstacle with no alone time at home.. Get us talking again and finally present her with the book.

Perhaps the real ending to this story isn't whether she reads it.

Maybe it's what happens when I finally sit down with her, give her the book and say:

“I wrote this because twenty years ago I didn't know how to explain myself. I think I finally do now.”

Whatever happens after that will be between my wife and me.

But I'm grateful to Harriet and Anna for taking my rather rambling attempt to tell that story and turning it into something that I think other people can understand too.

So, my verdict?

Harriet and Anna — excellent editing.

You took my story, found the story underneath it, gave it structure, made it accessible to people who don't know me, kept the humour, kept the emotion, and most importantly, kept Davina and me in it.

I'd say you did a great job.

Now I've just got to work out when I'm brave enough to give the wife the book... Of course I am as outside the person you read about here I'm an Alpha male, leader of men.. how hard can this be.

Davina