Crossdressing - Guilt - Society's Double standards

An online conversation this weekend stayed with me and made me think this needs a blog post.

I was chatting to another transgender-spectrum person as anyone to me Crossdressing falls into this spectrum someplace.. She's and I'll call her She as in our online chat her name is female we don't know eachother with our anon personas as men..

She isn't out to their wife.

We spoke about the guilt she carries every day.

The guilt of enjoying crossdressing.

The guilt of exploring who they are.

The guilt of spending time talking to other trans people online because their wife asks, "Why are you always on your phone?"

From the outside it might look like they're hiding an affair, when in reality they're simply looking for understanding, support and somewhere they don't have to pretend.

That made me think.

Why should someone feel guilty for putting on tights, stockings, lingerie, makeup, perfume or a dress?

None of these things are inherently "female." They're just clothes, fabrics, colours, cosmetics and scents.

Society decided they belonged to women and then built unwritten rules around them.

Yet look at the opposite.

Women wear jeans, shirts, suits, trainers, work boots and countless items that were once considered exclusively men's clothing.

Nobody thinks twice anymore, and rightly so. Fashion evolves.

But a man wanting to wear a skirt, heels or makeup? Suddenly society often expects him to justify himself.

He's told to "man up," to be masculine, to fit into a box that someone else designed.

That double standard deserves questioning.

Erika and Olivia the hosts of the Weekly Hotspot said the same on their podcast relating to an email I sent to them maybe it's Freud's fault but in this world striving for equality why does a man have to fit into a box of expectations and stay there.

For many people, crossdressing isn't about shocking anyone.

It's not something that for example should worry my wife .. I'm not staying Davina 24/7, coming out as Trans or running off with a man.. I'm still me, I present different gain enjoyment and relaxation and a bit of fun dressing up and escaping that raving stressed Alpha me for a bit then change back more chilled out to Dad, Husband .. Me.

It isn't about being sexual although you can feel sexy.

It isn't about trying to fool the world.

For many, it's simply about expression, comfort, creativity or finding a sense of peace.

For others, it may be part of understanding where they sit on the transgender spectrum.

Every journey is different. We all Crossdress for slightly different reasons.

What we all have in common is this: we're aren't really hurting anyone.

Life is stressful.

Work is stressful.

Family responsibilities are stressful.

If putting on makeup, choosing a beautiful outfit or spending an evening as your escaped self helps you relax and reconnect with yourself, why should that be a source of guilt and shame?

Suppressing those feelings doesn't always make them disappear.

For many people, they simply return stronger, bringing frustration, anxiety and guilt along with them.

Imagine if, instead of judgement, people responded with curiosity and compassion.

Imagine if we recognised that clothing doesn't have a gender, people assign gender to clothing.

It's not a woman's dress it's my dress.

Imagine if equality really meant equality.

If we believe people should be free to express themselves regardless of gender, then that freedom shouldn't stop at the wardrobe door.

To anyone reading this who crossdresses in secret, who worries that they're "wrong," I want to say this:

You are not broken.

You are not strange.

You are not alone.

And you do not need to feel guilty for enjoying something that harms no one.

Whether you're a crossdresser, somewhere on the transgender spectrum, or simply someone who enjoys expressing another side of yourself from time to time, your feelings are real and worthy of understanding and respect.

But you need to begin by understanding yourself and why you do this.. why you need this before you can expect anyone else to accept it.

The world is slowly becoming more accepting, even if it doesn't always feel like it.

Every honest conversation chips away at old stereotypes.

Perhaps one day we'll stop dividing clothes into "his" and "hers" and simply let people wear what makes them feel comfortable, confident and happy.

Until then, be kind to yourself.

There is enough judgement in the world already.

Don't let guilt become another voice telling you that you have to hide who you are.

You deserve the same freedom to express yourself as everyone else.

Yes I know easier said than done when you feel guilty and shame and you're hiding this side of yourself from a wife as you're scared how she'd react.

Been there still suffer somewhat myself and struggle to talk to Esme about this as I don't want to freak her out but I know that's just me holding things back she's ok with this I'm playing mind games with myself.. like not giving her my book yet.

I feel zero guilt for being Davina as my escape but realise how complicated it is to come out and admit you're a crossdresser as society hasn't made it and easy thing to do.

Please don't feel guilty for being this way.

I'm here to help you and here if a wife or girlfriend wants to talk.

Davina