Davina in Disguise: Little Ways I Stay Connected

There are days—more of them than I’d like (Sometimes months)—when I can’t dress fully as Davina.

No makeup, no wig, no heels or dresses. Just my everyday alpha-male acting self, getting on with life and work in jeans and joggers (shorts in the summer). But even on those days, Davina is sometimes never far away from my thoughts.

This morning was one of those times. Busy day ahead, no chance to dress. But I still slipped on a pair of lacy knickers under my regular clothes, and gave myself a little spray of perfume. Just those small things. Just enough to feel a little closer to my escapism "Davina".

I didn't wear my wig but hey ho AI generated

It's mad and my wife may find it strange me refering to "Davina" and being or becoming "Davina" and maybe that element sets off her alarm bells that I'd become Davina full time.. I'm not about to do that to her.

It’s funny how something so small can mean so much. The soft feel of nylon and lace, the scent that lingers throughout the day of the perfume noting a lot of aftershave and perfume can smell fruity these days this DKNY perfume I think I could get away with wearing as a man (Now there's an idea) —it’s like a quiet, whispered reminder that this part of me is still here. Still real. Still valid. Even when no one else knows, I know.

That secret femininity is somehow a comfort and yet calling it femininity tussles with my outward alpha maleness (the person the world expects me to be) something maybe I still have to accept that there is a more feminine side to me, to all of us just as there's a masculine side to women (some more than others but they don't have to hide it in fact it's sometimes celebrated).

It’s not about the thrill anymore, not really. It’s about connection. About identity. About feeling balanced. (That makes me feel like a Jedi finding balance with the force).

There was a time when I had to suppress all this. When crossdressing had to be hidden away in boxes or behind locked doors. But now, even on the days I can’t be Davina fully, I’ve found small ways. And that’s important.

Maybe other t-girls reading this do the same—those quiet little rituals that keep the connection alive. Wearing something feminine under your work clothes. Keeping a perfume on your skin. It’s not about being seen by others—it’s about being seen / felt by yourself.

And for me, that has to be enough today.

Davina