How Do You Handle the Guilt or Shame?

Crossdressing is complicated, deeply personal—and sometimes laced with guilt or shame.

Not always, and not forever. But enough to matter - I’ve felt both over the years but no more.

Those 3 rules

1. Am I hurting anyone? - I hope I don't hurt my wife being a "Tranny!" thats where the guilt and shame developed for me.

2. Am I hurting myself? No It helps me escape and that realisation for me and I hope my wife's helped me get over guilt and shame.

3. Am I breaking the law? - No

   
   

Guilt,

I’ve kept secrets.

Because I know my need to Crossdress has sometimes clashed with the life I’ve built as a husband and father.

Because I can see the pain or confusion it's brought initially to someone I love.

Some part of me still asks, “Is this fair on her?” but I know it won't stop not yet anyway whilst its so therapeutic and whilst I enjoy the transformation etc.

I had no guilt as a mere lower level crossdresser dressing in secret trying things on - It came after coming out to my wife.

Shame,

Because we live in a world that has always told men like me—That this isn’t what men are supposed to be.

Because even male me sometimes reflects "Why the hell are you presenting as a woman?"

If you picture the cartoon devil on one shoulder and angel on the other, the angel wins with "Shut up it helps him unwind, he enjoys it and he looks good, feels good its his escape there's no point wondering why it just works!"

Men arent supposed to enjoy presenting as Women - Even if you know better, some echoes of that message still live inside you.

Shame lingers in the early days when you hide lingerie in a drawer, in the panic when someone might find out, in the awkward silences when you finally share the truth.

So how do I handle it?

I’ll be honest—I still feel it sometimes still a little bit if i think my crossdressing has upset my wife. But it doesn’t linger me like it once did.

What’s changed is this:

• Understanding. Learning that crossdressing isn’t a perversion, isn’t weakness, isn’t wrong, does no harm. It’s part of who I am. Denying it isn't good for my mental health and maybe denying it or stopping (If that were possible ) may remove a part of me and my personality. Accepting it has brought a strange kind of peace.Have to accept yourself before you can expect anyone else to accept you as a t-girl.

• Honesty. Being open with my wife was important. You're careful how you put things across not to shock or worry - That's helped to an extent but she still has her fears. Not easy. Not perfect. But hiding Davina always made me feel worse. Her meeting me as Davina helped me stop hiding I was dressing and her fears and thoughts about how i was presenting.

• Perspective. I used to think crossdressing in a way made me selfish I didn't want to stop doing it even though it upset my wife. But over time I’ve realised it maybe makes me kinder. Softer. More empathetic. Calmer. Happier. That doesn’t erase the challenge of balancing crossdressing in my life. But it does remind me "Davina" isn’t something shameful. She’s a release. A recalibration.

• Boundaries. Guilt sometimes creeps in when I push too far or want more. That’s human. So I try to live within what’s reasonable. I remind myself: I am still a husband first. Still a dad. And I choose that - I've always chosen that. I wouldn’t give that up to be Davina full time. That helps me carry less guilt, because I know I’ve chosen consciously and correctly - It was never an option or a want to be full time but this has been a fear of my wifes.

• Compassion. I’m learning to be kind to myself. That this isn’t about being broken or greedy or perverted. It’s about being complex. And human.

  
  

If you're struggling with guilt or shame, you’re not alone. And it can get easier.

The more you understand yourself, the more you let someone in, the more you step away from society’s toxic ideas of what men and women should be—the lighter you’ll feel.

Crossdressing isn’t the problem. Secrecy, shame, and silence are.

I feel no shame or guilt or regret for being in my 4th Day working from home as Davina today in a leather dress - only regret is it's so warm

Here's the cartoon image tomorrow Ill post the pics of my 5 days as Davina outfits - The leather dress was nice still has tags on it.. Mine now lol

Davina