If there was no Judgement

Sometimes I stop and think — what if there were no judgement?

No raised eyebrows.

No whispers behind hands.

No assumptions about who I am or what it means.

What if the world didn’t decide that a man expressing femininity is absurd or shameful?

What if I didn’t have to hide Davina?

I do but what if I didnt have to.

If there were no judgement, I think I’d simply present how I felt.

Some days that might mean trousers and a T-shirt and the epitomy of manliness.

Other days, it would be lingerie, tights, a dress, a wig, heels, makeup

It wouldn’t be a statement as this is in a hypothetical world where there was no judgement and no one had decided this is mens wear and this is womens wear..

It wouldn’t be a performance.It would just be..

The absurdity of it all hits me often.

My wife, if she wanted, could go to work in one of my shirts, a pair of my jeans, even my boxers underneath — no makeup, hair tied back — and no one would bat an eye.

She wouldn’t be told she was inappropriate, unstable, or attention-seeking.

But if I walked out in her clothes, the reaction would be very different.

Someone, somewhere in history, decided this wasn’t allowed.

That if you’re a man, you must stay in the lines.

You mustn't dare to soften.

You mustn’t embrace beauty, sensuality, delicacy, or elegance — because those are for women.

It’s absurd.

I know who I am.

I know how crossdressing makes me feel: grounded, at peace, happy.

Not to say I don't get that from being a man - But it's different as I allow myself to feel more feminine i let that through my invisible shield and let it embrace me and it lets me express it openly - Albeit behind closed doors and blinds and anon online.

She’s a character I play — I suppose..

But for now, I live with secrets.

I steal quiet moments. I dress when I can, when the world is out of the way. I write here to stay sane and to share this as I know others are going through the same things as me.

Maybe, if enough of us speak up, it step by step becomes something more normalised and less feared - Less judged..Less stigma and just another one of those things some men do and enjoy and a pill free escape fro stress.

Davina