Intimacy with my wife her possible fears?

I say possible fears as this is one my wife and i struggle with or rather I ask and she won't elaborate other to say "I'm not attracted to Davina", "I'm not a Lesbian" or "I don't like women that way" and even "I was drunk and can't remember any of it"

When a wife or partner is intimate with her husband while he's presenting as a woman, it can stir up a lot of complex emotions.

It's not about shame or rejection—it’s about trying to process what it means for her identity, her own sexuality, and the dynamic between the two of us maybe?

At least I think - Maybe she can answer that one day.

It doesn't necessarily mean she's uncomfortable with me, but she may be unsure how to define what that intimacy means for her. Maybe she's ashamed maybe embarassed that we've done "things" with me as Davina?

Here are a few possible things she might be feeling, even if she hasn't voiced them:

• Confusion around attraction: She may wonder, “If I’m being intimate with Davina, what does that say about me? Am I attracted to women? What does this mean for how I see myself?”

  
  

• A desire to keep the fantasy contained: It might feel easier to enjoy the moment, but harder to talk about it after—like acknowledging it out loud makes it “too real” or forces her to confront feelings she’s not ready for.

  
  

• Fear of change: Even if she’s accepting, there might be a quiet fear in the background—“What if this becomes all the time? What if I lose the man I married?” or we only have sex when he's crossdressed?

  
  

None of that means she's ashamed.

Every time we've been intimate it's been a "Girls night in" and drinking wine / beer..

Alcohol can sometimes act as “permission” to explore things someone might feel unsure or conflicted about when sober. It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s ashamed or unwilling—it might just mean she’s still working through how this all fits into her sense of self.. and also wanting to please and pleasure me

Further possibilities arise why wine opens up my wifes promiscuity a bit more with Davina:

• She’s still adjusting. Being with Davina might blur lines she’s not fully ready to define, even if she’s supportive.

• It makes things feel less serious. Wine loosens the mood, and she may prefer that softness around something that feels new or unusual to her.

• It reduces pressure. Especially if she feels she has to respond a certain way as your wife, the wine might help her relax and just go with the moment. It allows also deniability.

  
  

In fact, the fact that she’s been intimate with me as Davina 3 separate times shows she’s open and loving—but she might need more time, space, or just the right way to talk about it.

I’ve been thinking about how amazing and meaningful it is that we’ve been intimate while I’ve been dressed as Davina. I want her to know how much I appreciate her openness, even if we haven’t talked much about it after.

I understand that it might bring up feelings or questions for her—and I just want her to feel safe and supported too.

If any part of it ever feels confusing or difficult to talk about, I’m here to listen without pressure.

I don’t expect her to have all the answers—I just want us to be able to share openly with each other. I love her as her husband and I’m grateful she's accepted all parts of me, even the softer and more feminine side.

She's made me feel loved, seen, and understood more than anyone else ever could.

Davina