Keeping conversation alive (Wit humour!)

I'm pretty rubbish at this but determined to spark me and my wife talking about my crossdressing side a lot more as I need it but not if she doesn't want to but I've been musing how we could keep chat open. light and with a shared joke every now and then.

When crossdressing becomes part of a relationship, the conversations that follow can feel… heavy. There’s vulnerability, worry, confusion—and often a strong desire not to say the wrong thing.

But there's sometimes an overpowering urge to want and need to talk to someone and when in the closet with your wife apart from on line chats to other t-girls you've really only got your wife to talk to (if she will)

If crossdressing is going to have a healthy place in your relationship, one thing matters above all: keeping the conversation going.

Not just once. Not just at the big reveal. But ongoing. Casual. Curious. And—yes—sometimes even funny.

1. Why Conversation Often Stalls Let’s be honest: talking about crossdressing can be emotionally loaded for both partners.

Wives may not know what to say without hurting feelings, and husbands may be afraid to seem pushy, guilty, or over-eager and struggle to broach the subject.

It should be simple "I need to talk about my crossdressing" simple as that?

Add to that a fear of rejection or judgment, a quick change of subject even silence, even when both want to connect.

Silence breeds distance, frustrating and angst.

The longer you go without talking, the harder it becomes to restart.

This weekend i was in a bad mood partly as I told my wife I needed to talk about "Davina" nothing heavy but opportunities seemed dodged and when we did have some time alone maybe when in the car heading to the supermarket I failed to spark a chat, it didn't feel the right place to have a chat about Davina, knowing we'd start a chat then it would have to stop in the supermarket..

2. Little Moments Beat Big Talks You don’t always need “deep and meaningfuls” to keep things alive despite my comment above about being in the car - Maybe I do need a longer chat and that's why but instead of waiting for the perfect serious chat, maybe we should aim for small, everyday moments:

• A playful joke about the number of shoes in the hallway mine being hidden away upstairs so the kids don't see size 8 heels.

• A comment about someone’s makeup or outfit on TV

• A silly nickname or in-joke between us about Davina

Lightness makes space for connection and that's what I want with my wife a light chat about Davina about me being a crossdresser every now and then a check in maybe.

3. Humor is a Bridge A well-timed joke or a shared laugh can defuse tension and build intimacy I think.

If we can both smile about the oddities of wigs, bra straps, or fake nails falling off , it becomes easier to talk about the bigger things too.

Humor signals comfort—and comfort is fertile ground for conversation.

That said, humor shouldn’t be a mask for discomfort. It should invite openness, not avoid it but I'd welcome Davina being a shared joke or even opportunity for my wife to get one up on me hinting to my hidden crossdressing self when i get on my high horse..

4. Respect Each Other’s Language and Limits Not everyone wants to use “she/her” when their husband is dressed. I'm not sure if my wife's referred to Davina as her, she etc I'll have to listen closer next time we chat about Crossdressed me.

Not every wife is comfortable with the term “girl mode.” but I think mine is ok with that phrase, we also use Davina mode or chill mode as she knows crossdressing chills me out.

These are deeply personal things—and they may evolve. It helps to check in from time to time.

I've never asked my wife maybe I will :

• “How do you feel about what I call myself when dressed?”

• “Do you prefer I talk about Davina like a character, or more like a side of me?”

  
  

I als wonder what my wife thinks about the old boundaries she set which are long knocked down and jumped over..

5. Make it Okay to Say “Not Now” Sometimes a wife just doesn’t have the bandwidth for another conversation about crossdressing - It would be ok if she said I'm not in the mood now maybe a suggested time when we have time alone maybe a drink..

Sometimes me the crossdresser has had a rough week and need to talk about why dressing matters again. Where opportunity is scarce but I'm stressed out..

The point isn’t to talk constantly—it’s to make sure the door stays open, and neither person feels shut out when you need to be able to just talk about crossdressing.

6. Use Walks, Wine, or Wind-Downs Some of the best conversations we've had happen when the pressure is off—during an evening walk, whilst out for a drink in a loud pub, or in bed. These soft spaces are perfect for low-stakes check-ins - we don’t need a therapy session. we need a rhythm and an understanding that I at least need to discuss this part of me sometimes.

Crossdressing can bring couples closer—but only if it’s something shared, not hidden, tiptoed around, or turned into a taboo topic.

When you can talk openly, with respect and the occasional laugh, I think you can stay more connected not just to the subject—but to each other.

I will get a time and some space to discuss my need to discuss crossdressing again with my wife, maybe look at womens wear on line, maybe order something on line for Davina together..

I think a lot of this is me - I just have to talk to her and take it from there.

Davina