Life in a Rut – Work, Family, and the Need to Unwind

Lately, I’ve been feeling like life has slipped into a bit of a rut.

I love the summer so why am I feeling like this.. I get the winter blues with the dark mornings and early dark nights so don't tell me I'm not getting the summer slums or whatever it might be called.. Kids are at an age they come and go as they please, they also don't want to do anything and parents reaching an age where I'm gonna have to step up and start to take care on them a lot more - So when We get some freedom to go out or away.. That guilt that we need to be there for parents or for the kids - So does it mean the prime of our lives is gone in our late teens early 20s when we had the most freedom? No idea but let me continue.

It’s the same cycle over and over: work, stress, kids, responsibilities, repeat. 

My wife and I seem to have drifted into this pattern where we’re constantly tired, always trying to keep everyone else happy, and rarely stopping to think about what we need or making enough us time or time for us to talk.

As I mentioned my parents are reaching the age where they need more from me, the kids are old enough to not want to do much with us (which leaves days off feeling wasted), and work never stops piling up (No one picks up my workload when I'm off work).

As someone who’s detail-driven and safety-conscious, I can’t switch off easily—time off just means more catching up later. It’s a vicious cycle and decisions made in work without me more often than not causing me more work to undo.

And then there’s my crossdressing.

Talking about it with my wife feels awkward again, like the door has quietly been closed and probably more by me than her.. She may sometimes subconsciously roll her eyes if i mention "Davina" but maybe part of it is me feeling embarrassed or not wanting to upset her that's held back us talking - A lot of this boils down to those wasted pandemic months / years for my parents and health and crossdressing as pre Covid we'd been out as "Women" in London.. Kids grew up and became more independent in that time too.

That distance maybe of my own making leaves me holding it all inside .. As my wifes said when I've confided that I need to talk about Crossdressing "I'm not a mind reader" so yes it's more me than her maybe.

Dressing as Davina has become my way of unwinding, of resetting.

Without that release, the pressure builds.

But then I think: What about my wife? How does she unwind? Does she even unwind? 

She's had a lot to deal with herself with family and caring for older members of the family and she doesn't need to add my parents to that..

Maybe she’s just as caught in the same trap as me—endlessly giving, endlessly working, but not finding her own outlet.

We have a holiday abroad coming up, and you’d think I’d be excited. Instead, my brain goes to the costs, the workload waiting when I get back, the kids being bored, the guilt of leaving them at home. Even something meant to be relaxing feels heavy before it’s begun.

I need to snap put of that trail of thought.

As thinking like that makes me wonder if I’m slipping into another depressive state.

Not seeing the positives, wanting to be back before I’ve even left—that’s not how I want to live as I know we'll have a good time and we'll relax.. a pity it's not more than 7 days in the sun but duties at home always come first.

So maybe the real question isn’t about crossdressing or even holidays.

Maybe it’s about finding ways to unwind in the middle of the grind. 

Small things that bring peace before life swallows us whole.

For me, it’s occasionally being Davina.

For my wife, I’m not sure.

Is it watching crap TV a glass of wine? does that solve her issues? Sad really I don't know.

She's said before "Ok you crossdress to escape and de-stress..what have i got?"

That’s something I need to ask her—not in a heavy way, but gently. Because I think we both need that space to breathe, to feel like ourselves again.

👉 For those of you reading who are partners—crossdressers or not

• How do you unwind when life feels like it’s on repeat?

• Do you share that with each other, or keep it separate?

I need to snap out of it.. I'm bored when not working and that's sad.

Davina