One Letter Out – A Night in Cardiff

It was a lovely husband-and-wife date night in Cardiff. We’d planned it for a while—pubs, dinner, then onto a comedy club before heading back to a hotel we’d booked for the night. 

It had all the ingredients of a perfect evening out as husband and wife. But, like many nights out, for me there was also a quiet undercurrent. The pull of crossdressing.

Back at the hotel beforehand, I watched my wife get ready. 

She looked stunning in a dress and heels, her hair done beautifully, perfume lingering in the air as she applied her makeup. Meanwhile, I slipped into jeans and a male shirt, and a pair of boots, trying to match her effort in a very different and very masculine and rugged male me way. I was “Me” the person I am 95% of the time.

We headed out for drinks first, soaking in the Friday night atmosphere. Women everywhere were dressed beautifully, made up, confident, feminine. That all-too-familiar flicker of envy struck again. I wanted to feel that way, to look that way. I wanted to be out there too—as Davina. How would it feel to be out in Cardiff as a woman??

At the comedy club, the comedian was in his element. He picked on people in the audience, and naturally I wasn’t spared. A few questions thrown my way led to his punchline after assessing me: “You’re trying to be too alpha male... you’re probably bisexual, but your wife has no idea!” Then he moved onto his next victim closing the debate 

The audience laughed, and I smiled, but inside I just thought: You’re one letter off—I’m the T in LGBTQ.

To my right, a gorgeous young blonde sat down, removing her long coat to reveal a short dress, sexy legs, high heels—the kind of woman I would love to look like as Davina. To my left, my wife, looking hot in her own dress and heels. And there I was, caught between admiration, envy.

Later in the evening, in a post-show pub, my wife brought up the comedian’s comment with a cheeky smirk.

 “Probably bisexual but your wife doesn’t know...” she repeated.

 I shut it down with a quick quip: “He was one letter out—I’m the T in LGBTQ.” And that was that.

 But part of me wondered—what if I’d responded differently?

 “Maybe he’s onto something… but only as Davina.” She’d not have liked that joke thrown back at her..One of her biggest fears is that Davina might somehow change my sexuality or desires, even though I’ve said many times I’m not attracted to men—never have been, even as Davina.

Back at the hotel, the night came to a close. She was soon asleep. And there I was, wide awake, the thoughts circling. What if I’d packed my makeup and wig? What if I had that quiet moment to become Davina, even just for a couple of hours?

 But I hadn’t packed a thing. I hadn’t even considered the possibility. I went to sleep eventually… but not before thinking—maybe next time.

Davina