Pride Month - Celebration or Spectacle?

Every June, the rainbow flags come out, the parades begin, and the world is splashed with colour.

It’s Pride Month — a time to celebrate LGBTQ+ lives, identities, and rights.

While it means a lot to many people, I’ve found myself feeling conflicted. So here’s a rant.

It won’t please everyone, but it’s real. And I think it’s worth saying.

The Rant

It’s Pride Month all around the world.

That means LGBTQ+ marches, events, rainbow flags on every product imaginable, and a lot of people saying, “We deserve this. We’ve earned this.”

Yes — they do.

But let’s be clear: many people today inherited these freedoms.

They didn’t win them.

The rights we have now weren’t handed out freely. They were fought for — often in dark, dangerous times — by brave individuals who risked everything.

And that’s what gnaws at me a little — how easy it is to forget the sacrifices behind the sparkle.

Not so long ago, it was illegal to be gay or bisexual. People were arrested, institutionalized, blackmailed, or forced into hiding.

Lives were ruined simply for loving the “wrong” person. Watch the film "Enigma" and what Alan Turing went through at a time when homosexuality was illegal in Britain.. He was convicted in 1952 with £gross indecency".. he was Gay but it didn't stop him cracking the Enigma machine along with other clever people. He avoided prison having to undergo hormone treatment, his conviction lost him his security clearance and ultimately contributed to his death by suicide in 1954. Imagine we'd not cracked Enigma if they'd discovered he was Gay and stopped him working on the code-breaking.. There will be many more tales like this but for me this one stands out.

You can’t help who you’re attracted to, just like we crossdressers didn’t choose to be drawn to lingerie, to the feel of nylon, to the calming magic of part time femininity that dressing brings us.

It wasn’t a fad or fashion statement. It was — and still is — a deep secret part of who we are - Secret as society isn't ready for alpha males to come out as t-girls / crossdressers / part time trans - part of the LGBTQ+ world.

And that brings me to this: I’m not someone who fully supports a month-long Pride celebration.

LGBTQ+ identity is, thankfully, more normalized now. We’ve made real progress.

I’m all for a Pride Day — a “Yay, we’re here, we’re proud! and thankful for the people who put their necks on the line to win these rights for future generations”.

But a whole month?

That may upset some readers — and this might upset even more:

There’s no “Straight People Month.” And sure, the common retort is, “You have the other 11 months.” 

But:

We don’t celebrate being straight.

We don’t parade monogamy.

We don’t get a month for being married (we have an anniversary day) or being parents (okay, birthdays and Mother’s/Father’s Day).

LGBTQ+ people get married and have kids too and have these days.

I’m curious to hear other people’s perspectives. Because sometimes, Pride Month feels like it takes over — town centres, workplaces, events.

And many people, still in the closet, might feel uncomfortable — not with being gay or trans, but with how performative it can all feel.

A F1 racer has said he's not having the rainbow flag on his car or racing overalls and is getting hate for it.. why? doesn't he have a choice? should he be forced into it? of course not.

It doesn't mean he's anti-LGBTQ+ he's entitled to reject wearing the rainbow flag.. Jordan Henderson was an LGBTQ+ ambassador rainbow laces in Prem league footballers boots and captains arm bands .. he played football in Saudi for 6 months and became an LGBTQ+ pariah.. why? it's nonsense!

I remember being in Cardiff with my wife for her birthday last June (2024).

We had a hotel booked, dinner planned — and then realised there was a Pride march going on.

I joked, “Maybe I should’ve been Davina today?” She looked at me and said, “No way… but you’d look better than some we’ve seen today.”

And she wasn’t wrong.

What we saw wasn’t the beautiful, classy side of the T in LGBTQ+.

We saw bearded men in dresses, men dressed ridiculously or overtly sexualised, caricaturing femininity rather than honouring it. Actually demeaning it which rilled me a little.

It felt more like a costume party than a celebration of identity.

That’s not me. That’s not many crossdressers I know.

We try to honour femininity — not ridicule it.

We strive to present well, to express something deep and affirming. Not to sexualise it for show and the shock as they parade through the streets of Cardiff and other cities.

And here’s something else I’ve been feeling more and more: the T in LGBTQ often feels a bit… shunned. It’s almost like we’re included on paper, but not always in spirit.

Sometimes it feels like certain people marching under the trans or crossdressing banner — particularly those who sexualise or parody femininity — aren’t trans at all. They’re just using Pride as a stage for shock value. And that demeans the T, in fact it takes the Pi$$ out of the T.

It harms the rest of us who are genuinely expressing an identity as crossdressers and the wider trans spectrum.

It doesn’t help when women see those portrayals either.

Imagine being a wife or girlfriend, and your partner tells you they crossdress.

The mental image that might come to mind — because of what’s shown at Pride — could be some slutty drag queen or exaggerated caricature of a woman.

I’m sure before my wife met Davina, that’s what she pictured.

That fear and misunderstanding is often rooted in how we’re portrayed, not who we really are or how we present when we crossdress.

We’re a valid part of the trans spectrum.

But truthfully, to me the T doesn’t sit that neatly within LGB, which are all sexualities.

Trans is about identity, not attraction.

And even within the community, there are tensions.

Some in the LGB world don’t want the T associated with them.

And within the T spectrum, there are those who don’t respect or include crossdressers — as if we’re not “trans enough.” - I've been told "You're not a proper Tranny" - No idea what that means or what I'd have to prove to qualify.. Fine by me I'm just me.

So even within LGBTQ+, there are divisions. And that’s something we need to talk about too — not to cause more fractures, but to acknowledge the reality.

Whether you agree with me or not, I think Pride — like any identity — deserves reflection as well as celebration. For those of us on the quieter edges of the spectrum — those who dress not for performance, but peace, expression and escapism — we’re part of this too.

Our voices, even when they challenge the norm, deserve to be heard.

I’d love to hear your take — wherever you sit in the alphabet soup of identity. Let’s talk.

I'd actually love to go on a pride day as Davina but I'd want to blend in not stand out with no one realising I'm trans but just being there knowing I am, with my wife.

No way she'd agree to that so not gonna happen but think it would be fun - But a day .. not a month.

Really annoyed seeing men wherever they are on the LGBTQ+ spectrum demeaning women and demeaning us.

Davina