Pronouns: A Matter of Politeness, Not Overwrought Politics

I'm an LGTBQ+ Ally but i seem to be stomping on pride and drag queens and now pronouns.. Just silly things to me which bug me more than they should when there's more important things in life like being accepting and polite and judging people by them not being an A-hole - do unto me as you'd expect done unto you and all that gaff.

But here I go another rant about things!!..

I must sound like some raving right wing political idiot but honestly i'm not i'm just wound up by things at the moment.. I'm certainly not right wing..

In today’s world, pronouns have become a topic of conversation that sometimes feels blown out of proportion.

There’s no denying that respecting people’s pronouns is an essential part of creating an inclusive environment, but the level of emphasis placed on pronouns often feels more like a political debate than a simple act of politeness.

Here’s my perspective: It’s all about being respectful in the moment, not about rigid rules or forcing something that doesn’t feel necessary.

For me, pronouns are less about identity politics and more about common courtesy.

If someone is presenting as female, referring to them as “she/her” seems natural and respectful.

If they’re presenting as male, “he/him” is the obvious choice.

But this is about acknowledging someone’s presentation at that time, not about digging into a deeper, permanent identity label. It’s simply a gesture of politeness, nothing more.

Personally, I don’t get caught up in the heavy insistence on specific pronouns.

If someone were to call me "he," "it," or anything else, it wouldn’t upset me—after all, it’s just a word. It’s not about being offended; it's about politeness and recognizing the difference between being careless and being respectful.

If I'm presenting as Davina and called it or he I'd probably think what a tosser! what a narrow minded pri ck.. and there's no need for it.

As long as people are not malicious or dismissive, I don’t mind if they slip up as long as it is a slip up as have seen t-girls all night in a restaurant refer to the waiter calling them sir when clearly they're presenting fem - it doesn't take much common cutesy..

In a way, this is similar to how we use terms like “Butt” or “Butty” in my Welsh Wenglish—a term of endearment that’s far removed from the serious world of pronouns. Including to my wife or kids "Alright buuut?" A term of endearment.

It can be used when talking to anyone bereft or pronouns and maybe that's why I don't care about pronouns.

It’s a little bit of fun, but also a way of keeping things casual and comfortable.

I’d like to see more of that approach, where the focus is less on getting every word "right" and more on mutual respect.

What I find frustrating getting to my main point are those who insist on their "proper" pronouns and make a fuss when they aren’t used - Wear a t-shirt if you want to be that specific about yourself "Please refer to me as them"...

These are the people who make every interaction about labels and semantics, creating tension where none needs to exist.

Life’s too short to be upset over pronouns—there are far bigger things to be concerned about.

While I appreciate that for some, pronouns are a core part of expressing their identity, it’s not something I personally need to stress over.

At the end of the day, it’s about politeness, not perfection.

Let’s not lose sight of the fact that there’s more to human connection than the labels we attach to ourselves.

So, let’s keep things simple. If someone’s presenting female, treat them with the respect of referring to them as “she.” If they're presenting male, call them “he.” If it’s unclear, just use their name and skip the pronouns. It’s really that simple? Or use "Butt" lol

At the end of the day, it’s all about kindness and respect, and sometimes that means not overthinking things too much.

Davina