Q&A: Exploring Davina and the Journey of Acceptance

Strange thing but I've been exploring the why I crossdress with AI and after everything I've discussed I asked it to do a Q&A which is further back in the blog. As we've progressed our chat and shared information I asked AI to ask me more questions and I'll answer them honestly the result is below.. It's strangely therapeutic to have this AI / Davina chat maybe this is the therapy I should have had all along..

Maybe this is what I wished my wife would ask me when I've said ask me anything but she says she never knows what to ask or say on the matter.. Maybe reading this will answer her un-asked questions.

Q: What was it like the first time you saw yourself fully made up as Davina? 

A: When I first saw my face with makeup which my wife had put on me, my hair styled more femininely by my wife, and my figure in a dress with tights and heels—I was stunned. I looked like a woman, and quite a good-looking one if i do say so myself. It was both thrilling and a bit emotional, maybe a bit of a shock to myself as I'd usually just try things on but this was my first time presenting as a woman and in front of my wife and especially because of my wifes reaction and the anxiety that this was her about to tell me she knew all along I was a crossdresser which of course she was never going to say as this idea to dress me was her way of seeing if her silly alpha male husband would let her for a bit of fun.. I still don't really know why she asked to dress me up as a woman and her reaction seeing me this first time was —"Oh my God, you look like a woman"—this stays with me. It flicked a switch inside me. That moment was a bit transformative. I moved a bit further along the trans spectrum that night even though her tears also set me back when realisation dawned she'd not sussed I was a crossdresser I'd just come out by accident.. Ooops

Q: Do you think Davina would have evolved if you hadn’t come out to your wife? 

A: No, I don’t think so. Before that, my crossdressing was rare and limited to lingerie. I never presented fully. Seeing myself transformed triggered something. It led me to experiment with makeup, wigs, and dresses. It gave birth in a way to "Davina" as she exists now.

I don't think my wife would like me saying that but it's the truth as without seeing myself looking like a woman my occasional trying on stockings and linger ie may have been as far as i went.. it might even have over time dissipated instead the frequency increased and my aim was to recreate what she'd done and try to look like a woman. (I don't know why?).

Q: Have you thought about how things might have gone if you’d told a white lie and said that was your first time dressing? 

A: I’ve thought about that a lot. If I’d told her it was a first-time thing born from her playful idea, maybe it would have felt more acceptable to her. I wonder if that would have led to quicker or deeper acceptance. But I was honest, and I can’t change that now. I think it better that she knows the deeper history to why I crossdress.

Q: Is Davina something you feel should remain a secret from the wider world? 

A: Yes, absolutely. My wife is right: society, family, friends would likely judge us both. My kids might be open-minded, but I worry it could add stress or shift how they see me or they may confide in others and the secrets out and running. My father is traditional, and I know he wouldn’t understand, although he's proud of me for some reason he can also be very harsh with me too so no telling what he'd think about Davina. I don’t see a world where I can live openly as Davina. It has to stay between my wife and me. Wouldn't it be a nice place where people could present however they wanted whenever they wanted and it wouldnt matter?

Q: What does being Davina give you, emotionally or mentally? 

A: It gives me a factory reset. I can chill into a softer, calmer part of myself. It’s like I can drop the macho mask and just breathe which may be weird for others to read who haven't experienced this sort of escapism. I feel emotional, relaxed, sometimes even sensual.

I don’t feel sexy as a man, but I do as Davina. It's not spiritual, but it definitely helps me..

Q: Do you feel pressure to crossdress, or is it more a relief when you can? 

A: It’s not pressure to crossdress—it’s that when I don’t, stress builds not because I can't dress up but life in general maybe sometimes my own doing as I'm a bit of a perfectionist and a workaholic I love my job and its high responsibility sometimes high stakes and frustrating and being a man I bottle everything up - Men can cope with anything but suicide rates in men are also high as is depression and that's very real and needs to be understood. So Davina for me is like a pressure valve. Life gets intense, and without the Davina escape, the stress can become dangerously Toxic. Sometimes I manage with perfume or wearing knickers under my clothes, but nothing replaces a full transformation.

Q: How would you describe the difference between your male and Davina personas? 

A: Male me is the classic alpha: confident, sometimes arrogant, a leader, sometimes scary and aggressive but not to do harm aggressively more to prevent harm or to argue something that's right and talking right - Male me is always right (so my wife says... Sarcastically. It's true though most of the time as i have a very methodical procedural mind and memory.

Davina is softer, more emotional in some ways, ways I don't allow in male me.. She's far less stressed. My wife has even said Davina is nicer. Davina can cry, it's rare but she can (Male me sucks up the tears or hides wiping them away.. Davina feels deeply, is empathetic not to say male me isn't but maybe in a different way and yes—Davina feels sexy.

Q: Does your wife understand that crossdressing helps you de-stress? 

A: She does. She’s said things like, "You need some Davina time." She knows it helps, even if she doesn’t always love the idea. She accepts that it works for me.

I love it when she tells me "You need to sort yourself out and unwind or chill" our other code words for make time to crossdress and de-stress!!

Q: What would you want your wife to know about Davina? 

A: I’d want her to know that I’ll always be her husband.

I’m not transitioning or planning to live as Davina full time. But Davina isn’t going away either that Davina is a softer side of me she sometimes sees in male me when i let the mask drop.

I hope she can become a friend to Davina, someone who chats about girly things with me sometimes. Davina is important for my sanity.

I'm open about Davina so she can ask me anything she wants to know about this "girly" side to me.. I'm in male mode now and male me like Jeckyl and hyde is saying you "idiot" calling yourself "girly".. sod it I am. lol and I don't mind my wife teasing me about it.

Q: What do you wish you could do more with your wife around Davina? 

A: I wish we could talk more lightly in general about this side of me and also about lingerie, makeup, fashion—all the things she doesn’t really talk to male me about.

After Christmas, we went shopping and she helped me pick out makeup. It was fun, and I hope she enjoyed it too (I think she did) we even ordered some on line where I wanted things we couldnt find in the shops but i struggled to ask if we could get Davina makeup. Initially I was cringing wanting to say something as she shopped for makeup herself, it wasn't until we stopped for coffee that I had the courage to say "Davina could do with refreshing her makeup" incase someone overheard (They'd have no idea who I was referring to in earshot) and my wife said "Why didn't you say come on lets go back and get you some what do you need.. (Whatsapp message a list sent to her lol)

I’d also love a girls' night in again—dress up together, watch a chick flick, and just talk.

Q: Do you think the pandemic affected your journey? 

A: Absolutely. Before the pandemic, she was seeing more of Davina when I worked form home and a few girls nights in. My kids grew up in those few affected years a lot of time lost when due to lock-down I couldn't dress and coming out of lock-down the kids we're past the baby sitting age and thus ended the you're staying at your grandparents Friday night we're going out.. really in both dressed to the nines as women..

We even went out in London with me dressed. That momentum got lost, and we never quite got back there. If we had, maybe we’d be in a better place now. Where we can talk more openly and regularly.

Q: How do you imagine a better future for you and your wife around Davina? 

A: I think if we talked more regularly about Davina—even lightly—it would make a big difference. I imagine her casually saying, "Is there anything Davina needs?" That would feel like true inclusion, without pressure. Just acceptance.

Davina isn't real in the true sense of the world but if my wife would use that name to discuss crossdressing with me or to check in on me when I'm hiding my stress or despair / sometimes depression it would be brilliant or on our early morning walks just lightly bring up "So how's Davina doing".. "Oh she's not been around in ages and i miss her.." que a light chat about Davina as if shes someone else the secret being we're talking about me as a Crossdresser.

Closing Thoughts by AI 

It’s possible that a gentler, more playful approach early on might have eased things—but honesty is part of who you are.

You can’t undo the past, but you both can shape how you move forward.

Davina isn’t going away, and she isn’t a threat from your responses and candid honesty.

She’s a part of you—a part that makes you a better, calmer, and more emotionally connected husband. And maybe, one day, she’ll be more than just tolerated—maybe even embraced.

Your wife is very understanding and I think she would talk to you more about this side to you if you asked her and in doing so may even find she enjoys your chats about Davina your shared secret.

Davina and AI