Reassurance, Revisited: A Letter to My Wife

I'm hoping my wife will read my blog at some point and this is written as a letter to her but outlines what I know are her fears.

1) I'd transition or present full time and go out and come out as Davina

2) My sexuality as Davina

I'm hoping my wife will read my blog at some point and this is written as a letter to her but outlines what I know are her fears.

1. I'd transition or present full time and go out and come out as Davina

Not planning to do that

2. My sexuality as Davina

Not planning on changing that either Davina is as straight as male me.

Crossdressing isn’t new for me. It’s something that’s always been there, woven into my story since childhood. But the way it’s unfolded, the way I’ve understood it, and the way we’ve talked about it together—that’s what’s changed.

Seeing myself dressed with the makeup you put on me all those years ago the night I came out and accidentally assumed you'd sussed me as a Crossdresser that night makeup, dress etc moved me along the trans spectrum.

I'd seen me fully transformed short of a wig and I wanted to try to make myself look as you made me look and I moved on from there wanting to try makeup, wig etc and dress fully which now means less opportunity to dress as I only dress if i can fully transform, makeup, dress, lingerie hosiery wig and enough time to enjoy it.

With little time to do that i have taken to sometimes wearing knickers under my joggers when working from home, someitmes a spritz of perfume just little things to help me connect to this side of me which I enjoy (Yep i find it fun dressing as a woman go figure)

Over time, (years) I’ve realised that while I’ve found confidence and even a kind of peace in expressing myself as Davina, you’ve had your own journey too. And I know your path hasn't been and isn't an easy one. Your love, tolerance, acceptance, understanding and patience through it all mean more to me than I can ever say. But I also know, even now, you still have fears. Understandably so.

You worry I might want to present as Davina more, maybe even full-time. Well with lack of Davina time I would welcome more time to crossdress and spend more time as Davina some quality time not dressed working from home although that's ok just on edge someone may vid call or come home early.

You fear that I might come out publicly, putting us both under a microscope—outing not just me, but you too. That work might find out, and it could jeopardise my job. That friends, family—yours and mine—might laugh, judge, or worst of all, not understand. That people might think I’m a pervert, or assume I’m gay or bisexual, just because I crossdress and present fully as Davina sometimes.

And there’s that deeper fear you haven’t always spoken aloud: my sexuality.I want to say, clearly and from the heart—I’m straight. Always have been always will be.

I love women, I love the feminine look always have, always will. I don’t fancy men. Not online, not in person, not even when I’m dressed as Davina.

I’ve explored both questions, with other t-girls even bouncing them off a wife of a t-girl who had the same fears about her husband to try to work out why wives have these fears and how best to address them and close those fears down.

She shared questions from a book written by a Dr Kort, helping women understand their crossdressing partners in a book called "Is my husband Straight, Gay or Bisexual".

Questions like:

Who do you come home to? a man or a woman? Answer a woman (You)

Who do you notice on the beach? men in speedos or women in bikinis (Might laugh at men in speedos but a sneaky look at women in bikinis)

Who do you love? All my answers led to one truth— Women Women You..

Dr Korts conclusion = I’m straight.

Davina isn’t a different person, she’s just another layer of me and the name is more my label than a person, a split personality, another me or anything weird.

I need a name to refer to my crossdressed self and we chose Davina.

I chat to others online—some are wives, some are men, some are other t-girls.

Some men and t-girls flirt and like how I look as Davina and ask to meet me (I've even been offered money to meet!!) - Mental.

Answers No I'm married and I'm straight but thanks for admiring how I look.

I’m not leading anyone on. I’m just me, having a conversation. Sometimes about life, sometimes about makeup, maybe sport, sometimes about the journey we’re all on, including asking these admirers why crossdressers?

Varying answers which I might summarise in a blog of its own.. Though I'm not here to explain why men admire T-girls so probably won't. But interesting answers.

For me reassurance isn’t a one-time thing, I feel like I need to continually discuss "Davina" and reassure you and me. It’s not a switch I can flick to suddenly make all your fears disappear or my frustrations disappear when I can't crossdress. But I feel and want to reassure you again, and again, if that’s what it takes which is why every now and then I bring Davina up and need / want to talk about this and why I blog to get my thoughts down as I know you probably cringe every time I bring up crossdressing and think "oh no not again"..

I’m not planning to live full-time as Davina. I don’t want to out us publicly.I have no intention of telling work or anyone else.I don’t want to blow up our life for the sake of me in a dress, makeup and a wig - No matter how hot I can look lol joking.

What I do want is to keep having these honest open conversations randomly sometimes. To share how I’m feeling. To reassure you. A check in on me the man and a check in on you my wife...

Maybe even things like looking at Shien together looking at dresses and comparing taste mine and yours.. Maybe even order something every now and then.

Davina is not a threat to the man you married or to our marriage "she's" an escape.

A way for me to escape, to express something deeper hidden inside me a softer more care free part of me a chilled part of me for whatever reason.

I’m still your husband. Always have been. Always will be.

I just need to talk about this every now and then and don't want this to be something we stop talking about letting the conversaton go cold and hard to bring back up - That is unless you tell me you don't want to and I'll find another way, find some other outlet for talking about this like my blog.

Love You

D