Talking in Code: Contour, Clown Filters, and Quiet Intimacy

Some of the most meaningful moments around Davina don’t happen when I’m fully dressed, heels on, makeup perfected, standing in front of a mirror.

They happen quietly. Casually. Almost accidentally.

Yesterday was one of those moments.

Talking in Code

We weren’t alone, so the conversation had to be coded. Not "you", not "Davina", not "your makeup" — but "someone said this" and "someone else does that".

A layer of disguise over a conversation that was, in reality, deeply personal.

My wife started asking questions about contour and highlighter.

Where it goes. How it works. What actually makes a difference versus what just looks good on YouTube.

And the thing that struck me wasn’t the makeup itself — it was that she was asking me.

In that moment, Davina wasn’t hidden. She was quietly acknowledged. Trusted. Valued for her knowledge.

Drawing It Out

Instead of just explaining in words, I took a photo of myself and literally drew on it — contour lines, highlighter placement, blush areas.

I annotated it with simple instructions: apply here, blend there.

Practical.

Calm.

Almost instructional.

Then I sent it to my wife.

It felt intimate in a way that’s hard to explain.

Not sexual.

Not performative.

Just… shared.

Keeping It Light

Almost instinctively, I followed it up with a Snapchat clown filter on my face.

The result? She laughed so hard she cried.

And that mattered.

Because humour, in these moments, isn’t deflection — it’s reassurance. It says:

• This isn’t heavy

• This isn’t scary

• This isn’t spiralling out of control

It reminded both of us (certainly me) that Davina can exist alongside laughter, not tension.

The Photo I Didn’t Send

Here’s the part I didn’t tell her.

I almost sent another photo.

From Monday.

Fully dressed. Makeup genuinely on point. Contour sculpted. Highlighter catching the light at just the right angles. Blush soft but present. Eye makeup enhanced by the glow instead of competing with it.

In that photo, I don’t look like an “alpha male trying on makeup.”

I look… convincingly feminine.

And that pleases me deeply.

But I stopped.

Why I Hesitated

The fear wasn’t that she’d say:

Your makeup is good.

The fear was that she might think:

Oh… this is very real. Very skilled. Very feminine. Very different from the man I married. OMG he looks even more like a woman than the last time I saw him!!

For me, my photos represent my escapisn memories, inner-peace, affirmation, and finally “getting it right.”

For her, I worry it could trigger questions she hasn’t finished processing:

• Where do I fit?

• Is this moving faster than I can keep up with?

• Am I losing something?

• Does he want to be a woman?

  
  

Visuals land harder than words. And I didn’t want to overwhelm her.

What Matters More Than Makeup

What did happen mattered far more than the photo I didn’t send:

• She initiated the conversation

• She trusted me enough to ask

• We shared something intimate without pressure

• We laughed — genuinely, uncontrollably

I didn’t shut the door. I didn’t retreat. I stayed present and emotionally aware.

A Gentle Way Forward

If I ever do show her photos like that, I don’t think it should be a reveal.

Do you want to see photos of me dressed to see how much my makeup skills have progressed.

I feel a little weird about showing you Davina as you've not seen me dressed in so long and my skills have really advanced as has the "angle of the photo to get the best fem look" and I don't want to freak you out or maybe I'm being vane..

It's still me nothing chaged apart from makeup magic and camera angles.

Still ok with dressing part time although I would like to be able to do it more often but will always be a man, a dad and your husband I just like to escape sometimes and well offers there if you want to see highlight and countour and a lil blush in action and how it can transform you from this (pointing to myself) to this.. handing over phone..

“I’ve got a photo where the makeup really worked — I love it, but I’m nervous to show you because it’s very Davina. I don’t want to overwhelm you.” - Or am I being to vane?

That gives her choice. Space. Safety. and opportunity to say no it's ok.

Quiet Progress

These coded conversations, shared jokes, and makeup tips might not look like big milestones from the outside.

But to me, they feel like quiet intimacy.

Davina wasn’t centre stage yesterday.

She was simply… allowed to exist.

And sometimes, that’s more powerful than any perfectly blended contour.

Davina