The importance of supportive wives

One of the unexpected benefits of my journey as a crossdresser, and later as Davina, has been meeting (on line) some truly remarkable people.

Not just fellow crossdressers and trans people, but their partners too.

Recently, I've been chatting online with a couple of wonderfully supportive wives.

Intelligent, thoughtful women who have chosen to understand their husbands rather than simply judge them.

Every relationship is different, of course, but there is something reassuring about talking to people who have travelled similar roads.

One of these ladies recently offered to read a book I have written about my own journey.

The book was originally written for my wife and it tells the story from my earliest experiences with crossdressing, through the development of Davina, right up to where I am today and where my wife and I find ourselves now.

So another wife has read the book before my own wife has a kind of proof reading.

I was genuinely touched when she told me she couldn't put it down.

To hear that somebody not directly involved in our life found it engaging and relatable meant a great deal.

She understood that it wasn't simply a book about clothes, makeup, or dressing up. It was about identity, relationships, communication, acceptance and navigating something that many couples never expect to encounter.

What makes her feedback particularly valuable is that she has her own experience of this world.

She and her husband attend social events together where her husband presents as female.

They travel, socialise, meet friends and enjoy spending time together in that environment and have a supportive WhatsApp group I've been offered membership to.

The reason I declined at the moment is Davina doesn't have a phone number so if I joined it would be male me appearing on the screens of the members and Davina needs to remain anonymous not to chance revealing male me.. Maybe I need a prepaid SIM for Davina and then I'll join to network with this support group.

What strikes me most is how normal she makes it all sound noting like me the TGirl is out to her wife but more than that also put to their grown up kids which differs from us as I'm not out to mine which makes them a barrier for Davina time.

I've no idea if my kids have seen anything to make them suspect Dad is a crossdresser .. if not it would be a big shock to them as they look up to me as their Dad and more akin to Batman than someone who completely presents as a woman to escape being Batman all the time.

There is often a misconception that crossdressing is somehow linked to sexual behaviour, secret lifestyles or alternative relationship arrangements.

When I've mentioned other wives and networking or even meeting another couple in drab my wife automatically thinks they want to meet as they're swingers.. both couples I've chatted to have taken a little bit of offence to that but also saw the funny side.. But it goes to show even my accepting wife can be led to believe by wider society that all Crossdressing has to be sexualised in some way.

In reality, for many couples it is nothing of the sort.

For them, it is simply another way of spending time together.

They are not into swinging.

They are not looking for anything outside their marriage.

They are simply a husband and wife who enjoy attending events together where one of them happens to be dressed as a woman actually reverse that .. They're both presenting feminine as women.

The enjoyment comes from companionship, friendship, socialising and sharing experiences together.

In many ways it is no different from couples who enjoy weekends away with a shared hobby, whether that's classic cars, football, walking holidays or live music. The common factor is spending quality time together.

Their story is a useful reminder that there is no single model for what a supportive marriage looks like when crossdressing is involved.

Every couple finds their own boundaries, their own comfort levels and their own ways of making it work.

As for my book, I now face the next challenge. The intended audience still hasn't read it.

My wife doesn't yet know it exists.

She doesn't knows it was written for her.

She just hasn't sat down with it yet as I've not sent it to her.

Perhaps I'm overthinking the timing.

Perhaps there is never a perfect moment, we've not had a good chat about Davina in ages, but after hearing such positive feedback from someone who understands this world from a wife's perspective, I feel more confident about eventually handing it over.

After all, if another wife could see value in the story, perhaps my own wife will too.

The book was always intended as a thank you as much as anything else.

A record of the journey.

A recognition of the patience, understanding and support that has allowed Davina to exist at all.

Now I just need to find the right moment to place it in her hands.

Davina