The man they see in me

I like a bit of country a bit of Luke Combs and a song springs to mins "The Man he see's in me"

The lyrics are all about a boys impression of his father and how over time the father hopes he fulfils that impression his son has and how he hopes his son will emulate him when he grows up.. I guess my father was the same .. I looked up to him (still do) and he's now proud of me and the man I've become (although can be a little judgy)

Some of the lyrics

He thinks he's learning fishing from the man that taught Bill Dance

I hope he never finds out that I didn't hang the moon

And I've never scared a monster out the closet in his room

One day between him leavin' home and drivin' on my knee

Maybe I'll finally be the man he sees in me

he smiles and says, "Daddy, there ain't nothin' you can't do"

Well, I know he's gonna find out that I didn't hang the moon

And there never was a monster in the closet of his room

Some day when he's drivin' home with his son on his knee

Well, I hope he's tryna be the man he sees in me

From the moment we're born, society starts shaping us—pink for girls, blue for boys (Red for me!!).

But what happens when the colours don't fit so neatly?

For many crossdressers like me, the journey into femininity (Which makes me cringe to read thats the man in me) isn’t just about clothes; it’s about unlearning years of masculine conditioning and reclaiming parts of ourselves that were buried under expectation and probably fear.

In this post, I want to explore how society grooms boys into men, how crossdressing becomes a form of self-care, and why that lingering question—what would Dad think?—never quite fades.

My wifes said to me what would your dad think if he knew you were a crossdresser..

1. Childhood Conditioning

It starts young. Boys are taught to “man up,” not cry, and avoid anything remotely “girly.” While girls are praised for prettiness, boys are rewarded for toughness.

Trying on your mum’s clothes? That’s a secret. Showing emotion? Weakness.

This ingrained narrative forms a shell or a bubble around us noting shells and bubbles can easily break which is a metaphore really for the stress and sometimes depression we hide yet carry around with us as men.

We learn that to be accepted, we must perform masculinity at all times sometimes toxically to fit in.

Feelings are packed away, femininity becomes taboo, and for many, that creates an internal split: the man we show the world and the hidden self who has a hidden softer side and uses crossdressing for an escape.

2. The Alpha Trap

By adulthood, the pressure intensifies.

We must be providers, protectors, and emotionally stoic. Whether in the workplace, with mates, playing sport or even in our marriages, vulnerability often feels dangerous to show anyone. So we lean into the “Alpha male” identity—strong, assertive, emotionally distant.

But it’s a mask, a disguise.

Behind it, some of us are suffocating to an extent having to present that way as that's how we set ourselves forward to the outside world and its what the outside world thinks of us and expects us to be.

Crossdressing becomes more than just a hobby; it becomes sanctuary and an escape.

A place where we can drop the act, let our shoulders relax, and reconnect with a softer, quieter self that isn’t bound by testosterone-fueled expectations.

3. Crossdressing as Catharsis

When I present as Davina, I don't just change clothes—It changes how I feel.

The stress magically somehow ebbs away.

I can smile without thinking about how I’m being perceived. I can cry not that I've cried as Davina but i probably could tho it would mess up my mascara and eye liner.

I can feel sexy, even sensual—something I never feel as my male self.

Crossdressing, for me, is a release valve. It’s a reset. It’s sometimes even healing.

I sometimes describe it as “chilling”—an escape from the rigidity of masculinity and a step into something more fluid, "Gender-fluid?".

4. Toxic Masculinity vs. Healthy Masculinity

We need to talk about the difference.

Healthy masculinity is confident but kind. It protects but also nurtures. It leads but listens.

Toxic masculinity, on the other hand, shames vulnerability and demands emotional silence.

Sadly, many of us grew up in the shadow of the latter. We weren’t taught to say, “I feel broken.” So we stayed silent and put up with whatever it is on our minds, worrying us, scaring us or stressing us.

For me, crossdressing is a way to push back against that silence albeit in secret - Something i do for me alone.

I wonder: how many other men out there are hiding parts of themselves too? and how do they escape it? Drink? Drugs? Self harm? what's healthier those 3 things or my escape..??

5. “What Would Dad Think?”

Even now, as a grown man with a wife, career, and children of my own, I still wonder how my father would react if he knew about Davina.

He’s traditional. Proud of me, yes—but also quick to criticise.

I can already hear the disapproval if he knew someone else not me dressed up as a woman and hear the things he'd say out loud in the voice he'd say them in.

Final Thoughts

Crossdressing - A call for understanding.

So many men are walking through life with parts of themselves hidden—afraid to show them even to those they love most including myself.

But here’s what I’ve learned: Crossdressing and using a name when I'm dressed "Davina" hasn’t made me less of a man.

I'd put myself up against anyone as a man and come out on top intellectually and physically if I had to.

I think Crossdressing has made me more of a whole person. And if my story helps even one other man feel that way, or one partner better understand, then it’s worth telling.

Davina