Tiktok algorithms and long legs

I opened TikTok just now after finishing work and sitting pretty mind numb after another stressful work week on the settee... I'm tired — that deep, bone-heavy tired that doesn’t shift no matter how many hours you sleep because it's caused by stress not physical but mental exhaustion.

Work has been relentless lately.

No matter how early I start or how late I finish, I can’t seem to get on top of everything and a lot of it is people with a little knowledge and power .. as we say a little knowledge is sometimes dangerous certainly annoying with my knowledge and experience having someone stick their oar into projects holding things up and interfering when it's not needed as a solution a good one has been found.. can you tell I'm angry and stressed.. back to the blog post.

The list of work and my attention required grows faster than I can shrink it.

Burnout isn’t dramatic anymore; it’s just the background noise of my days and tiredness.. maybe I need to change my career but I've spent a quarter of a century learning all this stuff..

Back to Tiktok the algorithm did what it does best.

Video after video of women confidently showing off their nylon clad legs — heels, tights, polished poses, glamour.

No context, no subtlety. Just confidence, ease, and ownership of their femininity.

It felt relentless, almost mocking and before I could stop it, a sharp, familiar feeling landed in my chest.

Jealousy — but not the simple kind.

It wasn’t that I wanted them. It was that I wanted to be Davina. I want to be able right now to have a relaxing bubble bath, and then moisturise and put on makeup and wear something nice and just chill tonight as my feminine half.

It’s been weeks since I’ve had the privacy or the headspace to let that part of me unwind properly.

Time to become the softer me, the part of me that doesn’t have to be useful, productive, or on top of things.

Right now, I’m exhausted in a way that spreadsheets and schedules can’t fix.

Work has drained me to the point where even rest doesn’t feel restorative and when that happens, the need for my feminine escape becomes louder — not as a whim, but as a necessity.

But I don't have the time, space, privacy or opportunity so stress mounts.

Seeing those videos at this moment wasn’t accidental. It was a mirror being held up to something I’ve been pushing down: I need a break. I need relief. I need to step out of the constant doing and into a way of being that feels lighter, more playful, more fun, more expressive

Davina

As Davina represents permission — to feel attractive, to feel glamorous, to feel seen by myself even if no one else is watching.

To feel the fabrics the women on tiktok are wearing.

When that permission is withheld for too long, the longing builds. It leaks out through envy, frustration, and moments like this where a simple scroll turns into an emotional gut punch.

This isn’t about losing control or wanting something unrealistic. It’s about balance. About acknowledging that I can’t run endlessly on duty and obligation alone.

Something has to refill the tank — and for me, that something has turned into femininity, fantasy, and escape.

Right now, I don’t need answers. I don’t need decisions. I just need to admit the truth:

I’m burnt out. I’m tired. And I miss being Davina

Frustrating .. Let's hope the weekend is chilled and my sports teams all win.. before back to it all over again Monday.

Davina