Two-Spirited: Living Between Him and Davina

All the years wondering why I crossdress is the answer that I'm two spirited but the male part of my spirit is the one that has to step forward to the world and the more fem spirit is kept for my private life and private time.. my love of femininity really a part of my overall spirit ?

Davina is never far from my thoughts. And that makes it sound strange like Davina is some seperate person or schizophrenic part of me shes not someone else - Like Obe Wan Kenobi says "Of course I know him He's me".. but I can't go on to say I've not heard that name in a long time as I heard the name Davina referring to woman we know a few days ago and on line chats as Davina I'm Referred to as Davina most days when I work from home and have some chat open.

So Two Spirited - The answer to why I crossdress?

I might be a man the vast majority of the time — at work, with family, out in the world — but there’s always a part of me that quietly sees a trigger or thinks of my Davina side.

It's not a fantasy or a kink and long past a phase, and not something I can just “switch off.” being Davina is an inseparable part of me, woven into who I am.

My wife worries sometimes that I might remain as Davina all the time.

I completely understand why that fear exists. From her point of view, it must feel like a shadow hanging over things — wondering if I’m heading somewhere she can’t follow. But I’m not.

Transitioning isn’t on the cards for me. I love my family, my marriage, my life.

Transitioning would make everything far too complicated for my wife, my children, my friends, my work — and, honestly, for me too. It's not something I've put much thought into as I'm a man first and foremost but I love my escape when I can - Makeup, Lingerie, Hosiery, High heels, nice dresses, perfume and a necessary wig to complete the look.

But what I do know is that there’s something within me that feels two-spirited which is something Erika from Enchantrix Empire mentioned on a podcast that stuck in my mind on a morning walk.

It’s the best way I can describe it.

There’s the man everyone knows, and then there’s Davina — and both are real, both are me.

I've always said my crossdressing was something external — an escape, an indulgence, maybe even a quirk. But over the years I’ve realised it’s an expression of a deeper truth: I probably carry both masculine and feminine energies within me, and when they’re in balance, I feel whole and relaxed.

When I deny that side of myself for too long, I start to feel off-balance — irritable, heavy, disconnected. But when I give Davina some time and space, whether that’s through dressing, writing, or even something as simple as wearing a little perfume during the week, I feel lighter, calmer, more centred. She grounds me and helps me unwind especially when I can present fully fem.

Davina isn't going to take over my life — she is part of my life. And learning to accept that has been a journey of self-understanding. I don’t see it as two people sharing one body; more like two energies sharing one soul. It’s not a struggle between “him” and “her” it’s more of a partnership — two halves of one whole person who’s simply trying to live truthfully.

Maybe that’s what being two-spirited really means for me. It’s not about being confused or divided. It’s about finally feeling complete.

And perhaps, after all these years of wondering why I crossdress, the answer is really quite simple — I’m two-spirited. It’s as uncomplicated as that.

Davina