What's in a name?

For many wives or girlfriends of crossdressers, hearing that their partner has chosen a female name can feel unsettling. It can raise questions: Is he becoming someone else? Is he transitioning? Is the man I love going away?

Let me tell you why, in my case, the name Davina is none of those things.

It’s a label. A code word. A way for my wife and me to talk about my crossdressing without having to tiptoe around it or speak in awkward terms. When I say “Davina would like that dress,” my wife knows what I mean.

It’s not some alter ego taking over—it’s just me expressing interest in something for the times when I’m presenting in a more feminine way.

We chose the name Davina together. It gave us a shared language. A way to acknowledge the crossdressing part of me without it dominating our relationship or confusing things.

In fact, using the name has reduced tension and awkwardness. It gives us a shorthand, a gentle distance at times, and even a bit of humor. Like saying “Davina could do with some new makeup” after Christmas and ending up makeup shopping together.

That was a moment of connection, not division.

For me—and I suspect for many others—a name like Davina isn’t about becoming a different person. I’m not transitioning. I’m not vanishing. I’m still the same husband, father, and partner.

The name just makes it easier to refer to that part of myself in conversation, especially in public or when emotions are delicate.

It also helps online. Forums and blogs like mine—Why Do Men Crossdress—need a name, an identity. “Davina” lets me share and connect while keeping a boundary between my crossdressing and my everyday life. It protects my family, my career, and our privacy.

So, if you’re a wife or girlfriend reading this, and you’ve just found out your partner has a name like Davina, please don’t panic. It’s not a signal that he’s about to disappear into someone else. It’s probably just a way to make the conversation easier. A shared understanding. A little humanity in something that’s often kept secret and silent.

Names can be powerful. And in this case, Davina is a name that’s helped me feel seen, helped us talk more openly, and helped make something that once felt isolating feel... a little more normal.

Davina