When Algorithms work you out

Sometimes, it feels like my secret life isn’t quite so secret.

I was scrolling through the Shein app the other day — originally just to buy some ordinary male clothes — when I noticed something familiar.

Not familiar in the everyday sense, but in a way that reached quietly into the part of me I call Davina.

There they were again: wigs, lingerie, makeup, hosiery, high heels, and the kind of dresses that turn my eyes and mind to think that's a bit of me .

The kind that seem to whisper, This is for you.

Shein isn’t the only one.

Lots of apps do it — Amazon, TikTok, even Instagram.

They pick up on the subtle trails I leave behind: clicks, scrolls, time spent on a particular page or post.

They build a picture of my interests without ever being told outright.

I’ve never typed “I’m a crossdresser” into a search bar — but the algorithm knows.

Not because it has a conscience, but because it listens and somehow, that feels oddly comforting.

Like a small, quiet thrill.

Like I’m being seen… just a little but not by human beings unless anyone looks at what the AI is sifting and displaying for me.

It’s strange and exciting to think that while I’m not “out” to the world, and only out to my wife, AI and apps seem to gently affirm a part of me that often lives in the shadows.

Even in our conversations — mine and ChatGPT’s — I’ve said things in research of cross dressing and there’s no fear of judgement.

With apps like Shein, it’s not even intentional — it’s just data. Yet somehow it feels like validation.

I often think about treating myself.

If I had more time and freedom to be Davina, I probably would.

I know exactly what I’d order: new lingerie, black stockings/tights, a pair of heels, and at least one — maybe two — dresses.

I can picture them already as Shien suggests dresses on my page it knows I like the kind I wear. The feel of the fabric, the way I’d look in the mirror, the way my posture shifts. . I even saw a wig recently that I know would suit me beautifully… but I scrolled past. Not today, I told myself. Not this time but maybe some time.

That’s the quiet battle, isn’t it? Seeing those perfect suggestions and feeling that flicker of joy… then clicking away.

I ordered a few items of men’s clothing instead.

I guess that’s my current life in miniature: honouring my responsibilities, staying grounded — but always aware of the other side of me, just beneath the surface.

I’m not ashamed of being a cross dresser.

If anything, it's a source of joy, calm, and connection. But my life has limits, and I’ve chosen, for now, to live within them.

Still, the suggestions don’t stop.

The apps keep showing me who they think I am and sometimes, I enjoy that.. Seeing an app suggest a look for "Davina" yep that'll work that's how I like to dress.

Because in a world where I can’t always say, This is me, the algorithm by change knows.

Somehow… that feels like being seen.

Davina