When Life Doesn't Stop... Neither Does Davina

Sometimes people ask me why I don't just dress more often. If only it were that simple.

Life has a habit of filling every available space.

The past couple of weeks have been a perfect example.

Work has been relentless, with one deadline rolling into the next. The responsibility doesn't disappear when I clock off either—it follows me home, knowing there's another busy week waiting around the corner before I can finally enjoy a well-earned holiday.

Yet, despite the pressure, it's also been one of those weeks that reminds me how lucky I am.

My birthday came and went in a blur. My wife made it incredibly special, and we also managed to squeeze in something I'd been looking forward to for months—seeing Metallica live.

Even a week later I'm still buzzing. There's something about live music that lets you forget everything else for a couple of hours.

Then there was my daughter's prom.

Like every proud parent, I thought she looked absolutely amazing. Beautiful on the outside, but even more beautiful on the inside. I wasn't surprised when her teachers presented her with a special award for being the person "most likely to cheer you up."

That sums her up perfectly.

She has flowed through school with kindness, confidence and determination, becoming Head Girl along the way. Watching her grow into the young woman she has become has been one of my greatest privileges.

This weekend brought yet another proud moment as she picked up a major award at her sports presentation evening. It was thoroughly deserved.

As a parent, moments like these make every sacrifice worthwhile.

I'm equally proud of both my children. Seeing them become thoughtful, capable young adults reminds me that perhaps my wife and I have done something right.

But alongside all those wonderful moments sits another truth.

There hasn't been much room for me.

By "me", I mean Davina.

It has now been around eight weeks since I last had the opportunity to fully become Davina.

Not just slipping on a little perfume or grabbing a few stolen moments, but really becoming her.

In fact, the last time I enjoyed any meaningful quality time as Davina was back in November, when I managed around twelve uninterrupted hours. Eight months ago.

When I write it down, it surprises and frustrates me.

People often imagine crossdressing is all about clothes. - For me, it isn't. - Davina is where I decompress.

She's where work deadlines, responsibilities and the endless mental juggling finally become quiet. My sanctuary.

Ironically, it's when life becomes busiest that I need her the most... yet it's also when she's hardest to find time for.

Family responsibilities always come first. Work responsibilities have to be met.

My parents have some important medical tests coming up, and naturally they need support too. Like so many people reaching middle age I'm finding myself in that generation sandwiched between caring for children who are launching into adulthood and parents who increasingly need help themselves.

There are only so many hours in a day.

Then there's the secrecy.

Crossdressing isn't something I can simply do whenever I have a spare hour. It requires planning, privacy and the right opportunity. Those opportunities don't come along very often.

Sometimes I envy people who can simply be themselves every day without needing to organise it weeks in advance. Still, I know myself well enough now.

Ignoring Davina doesn't make her disappear. It simply allows the stress to build a little higher.

After the holiday, work will almost certainly be chaotic as I catch up on everything that piled up while I was away. That's inevitable.

But somewhere after that...

I need to make some time.

Not because I'm chasing a thrill.

Not because I'm dissatisfied with my life.

Quite the opposite.

I need to make time because I've learned that spending time as Davina helps me become a better version of myself afterwards. I'm calmer. More patient. More grounded. More present.

Crossdressing has never taken me away from my responsibilities.

It helps me carry them.

So while everyone around me continues to grow, achieve and make me proud, perhaps it's time to remember that looking after myself matters too.

Sometimes the person who quietly keeps everything together also needs a little time to breathe.

For me...

Davina.