🏳️‍🌈Would they still be supportive and proud if it lived in their house? 🏳️‍⚧️

I’ve been watching the Pride celebrations this year with a complicated mix of admiration, curiosity, and—if I’m honest—a little cynicism as you may have read..

Pride Month technically ended a few days ago, but not that you’d know it from my Facebook feed.

Several of my (heterosexual, married) female friends have been out at yet another Pride march—decked out in full rainbow makeup, face glitter, flags, and beaming selfies.

One even has a rainbow flag flying in her garden and posted a picture of her child in a rainbow tutu. Love is love, right?

It looks lovely. It really does.

The colours, the joy, the acceptance. The message. All of it.

But I can’t help but ask:Who are you marching for? And would you still be proud if LGBTQ+ lived in your house?

Because from what I know, most of these women are in long-term, “straight” marriages.

Their husbands don’t appear at these events. In fact, from what I can tell, the men are either staying out of it or quietly enduring it from a safe distance, behind a barbecue or a lawn mower.

Now, I’m not saying you need to have an LGBTQ family member to celebrate Pride. That’s not the point.

Allies are important.

Visibility matters. But I do find myself wondering—how far does that support really go?

Hypothetical time.

What if your husband came to you and said:

“I’m not just your husband. I’m also a crossdresser. Sometimes I need to feel feminine. Sometimes I feel more myself in heels than in work boots.”

Or what if he told you:

“I’m bisexual. I’ve always been attracted to both men and women. I chose you, but this is still part of me.”

Would they still be out there waving their rainbow flag then?

Or would the pride evaporate when it landed in your marriage bed?

Would the love still be love if it didn’t look how you expected it to?

Because I’m telling you—many crossdressers and bi men don’t come out to their wives.

Not because they’re ashamed of who they are, but because they’re terrified of how it will affect their marriage.

They’re scared their wife won’t want them anymore.

Scared she’ll feel repulsed, betrayed, emasculated, or somehow “cheated on” by the idea of her husband not fitting the conventional mould of masculinity.

Some of those husbands may be your neighbours or family members. Some of them might be your husbands.

And they see your Pride selfies. And they don’t know what to make of them.

They’re asking themselves: Would she still be proud of me if she really knew me?

Would she still be an ally if it wasn’t just someone else’s child or celebrity or influencer, but her own partner?

And sadly, too many of us already know the answer.

Pride Isn’t Just a Parade

It’s easy to celebrate Pride when it’s colourful, cute, and comfortably distant.

When it’s a friend’s gay son. When it’s a celebrity coming out. When it’s an Instagram filter or a fun day out with glitter.

But real allyship isn’t always comfortable.

Real allyship is standing by your partner when they show you a part of themselves they’ve hidden for years.

Real allyship is holding space for someone you love even when it scares you or challenges your expectations.

Real allyship isn’t a photo op.

It’s a relationship.

A Personal Reflection

My wife knows I’m trans.

She knows what it means to me—and to my mental health—to express my feminine side fully.

She’s seen me in makeup, a wig, a dress, heels, the works.

She knows she’s married to someone who, in the simplest terms, turned out to be the T in LGBTQ.

She doesn’t fly the flag.

She doesn’t wear rainbow eyeliner.

She doesn’t paint her nails in Pride colours or go marching.

Because for us, Pride isn’t a weekend parade.

It’s personal.

It lives in our home, quietly and honestly, between husband and wife. And I know how lucky I am to have a partner who sees me, knows me, and still chooses me.

I'm proud of her for being my ally—not in public, (there was that one time in London) but where it matters most: in private.

And yet, I still wonder…

What if the husbands of all these glittered-up Pride participants had spent the day at home in stockings, lingerie, a dress, heels, false boobs, and full makeup—enjoying a few hours of freedom while their wives were out being “allies”?

What if those husbands used that moment, inspired by their wife’s supposed support and the news of what a wonderful day they had and how good the atmosphere was as Pride and how good the T girls and drag queens looked to say,

“Actually, I was dressed as a woman all day today.. I needed it. I’ve needed it for a long time.”

Would those same rainbow-wrapped women smile and say, “Thank you for trusting me”?

Or would their pride come to a screeching halt when the LGBTQ community showed up in their bedroom?

It makes you think.

Because my wife married a man, I am a man but I enjoy presenting as a woman and she accepted it for real.

And she stayed. She supported.And I’m proud of her for that.

So any wives reading who 'do pride marches' What do you think?

Davina