Chatting to a T girl on tvchix chat, I hope she will join here and seek some of our advice.
Wife left her because of her dressing even though she had trans friends.. a sort of Trans is fine but not my husband which we've come across time and again. That is sad enough..
Seems a breakdown in communication and a mind made up that its not going to work stop dressing or its over situation but for us t girls its not as easy as that when this thing/ hobby / fetish becomes a hobby and a bit of a coping mechanism.
Us men are really crap at admitting weakness, stress, depression, our feelings etc etc etc and for some of us this escapism is out outlet, our stress relief, our inexplicable and enjoyable thing that helps our mental wellbeing somehow.
The same t girl has kids and they know she is a crossdresser and although young and liberal minded it seems they too are ok with someone being trans but not their father and have actually purged their fathers feminine things..
For me this crosses a line and they are bang out of order.
Do they blame his being trans for the break up of their parents marriage?
What they don't realise is their fathers escapism and how crossdressing probably brings balance to his mental health and wellbeing, they obviously have no idea what they've done and the effect on their father, so their action in purging his property is bang out of order and thoughtless.
Whats others thoughts on this?
My view is sit down with the kids and explain the positives of being able to crossdress, expain this is something we cannot help and find hard to repress and repressing these feelings, bottling up stress, and the guilt for dressing is not good for ones mental health.
It is a harmless act even though it may be seen as what broke up their parents marriage there was no compromise and its not something that should in itself break up a marriage.. it's dressing up, its not perverted, its not sexual its just expressing oneself and presenting oneself in a particular way.. how can we better explain this to people?
What would they have said if their mother had dressed like a man.. probably nothing.
If she does come on wives especially and any t girls who have told the kids about their dressing ... what advice can we give her.
A frank an honest chat i feel is needed and a respect my property statement needs to be made.
Davina
I'll report that graph here as its a good one.. I hope the tgirl joins in here as I feel sorry for her. Its all about how you come out that is so important in controlling reactions and thereafter any acceptance.
Hi Davina
I'm not saying their actions were right all I'm just saying is that I can understand the emotions they felt. It was a knee jerk reaction and a means of taking it out on something that was focus of their ire.
If the clothes mean more to him than the relationship with his wife and children then I guess the marriage is over and probably over before the discovery. I'm sure that if he's been having an affair his children may well have reacted in a similar way - damaging something that was important to him.
As you say he needs to speak to his wife and children to help them understand about this part of him. Just look at the Kubler-Ross curve in your blog. Shock, denial, frustration, depression. Where did their action fall on the curve (denial - anger)?
Katie x
But he's done nothing at all wrong Katie other than being a cross dresser, on the trans spectrum.. Whatever happened to diversity and inclusion??.. Does it apply but not to her husband and their father? Applies to some not to others? The wife has a friend who's trans so do the kids.. That's OK but not the husband \ father? Double standards. And to purge his things I think is dreadful. But he'll buy more and have fun with it but at a cost £££ its not a cheap hobby..
To a degree I can understand their actions. I guess it's out of a number of mixed emotions - anger, betrayal, confusion, revenge. How often do you hear about a wife cutting up her husbands clothes or using his tooth brush for another purpose when she's found him cheating? To a degree his wife and daughters are feeling the same and don't have the power to do much else to demonstrate how they feel. The focus was on the clothes - better that than telling all his friends and colleague.
I'm sure it made the feel better and I think it was a statement about how much he had hurt them. They may later regret their reaction but if he fails to understand how they feel then he will not be able to build bridges.
At the end of the day they're only clothes. It'd be fun replacing them! And maybe if his daughters and wife come round they can help.
Katie x
I thought so
How dare someone chuck out someone elses property and not even try to understand it.
I agree its out of order for someone to purge someone else property.
I hope she joins and we can lend some support.
Hannah (Wife)
Aww Davina i hope she does join as this is a bit of a sad tale.
Bad enough his wife left because of dressing but having his things purged is i agree 100% out of order.
Again see my benefits comment in mental wellbeing and the positives for a man if crossdressing helps.
Hope he joins and chats here feel really sorry for him.
Emma (Wife