By: Davina

Subject: Re: OK

Thanks Emma fab post.

You seem to have sky rocketed whats the tale you have to tell?

By: Emma RG

Subject: OK

Right Read up on all this my you lot have been busy

First me

I also got into a rut of flat shoes no makeup trousers and leggings all the time even if we went out minimal makeup any old underwear matching or not.

My epithany for want of a better word was due to this blog and Crossdressing as we were finding it hard to talk so we began writing to one another handing it over and writing back reading it and so forth.

I asked why do you dress?

His Reply

- Its relaxing

- Its escapism from male me

- I enjoy dong it

- I like how clothes feel

- I like how I look en fem

- Its a turn on

- It makes up for you not dressing like this anymore

The last point hurt and I had a good think about it and he was right i'd got into the cant be bothered with makeup etc rut.

So we went out had a fab few weekends revamping my wardrobe and his (hers) and made him buy the fem stuff for himself as said before seeing him turn red was amusing and bought makeup and had a boots makeover.

Went into work on the Monday a new me oh plus new hair style et voilla compliments and I am that woman shopping in heels if I call in from work or not.

I still dress for necessity flats and scruffy clothes for housework but I feel more confident dressing up which is something he's noticed and appreciates and he now says see dressing as a woman can be fun the cheeky sod.

In terms of Cyber sex tricky one i'd not call it cheating but would say its not good, but if it helps at the moment then hey ho whatever I will be asking him if he does this.

Marriage councelling may be the way to go Sarah.

Sindy go treat yourself to a new wardrobe get some red lippy on and surprise your husband you might enjoy transforming your image I certainly have and I don't mind the attention oh and wolf whistles lol.

Em

I have a tale to tell later which made me laugh but have to go now

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: My thoughts on the issues raised.

Baby blues just shift into 'raising a child' blues. It doesn't really go away if it's never addressed. Does she like her job or is that another thing just taking time away from her? I know from talking with my friends who suffered depression after kids that the feeling they had disappeared was a heavy one. Your wife does sound like she's hiding or maybe she feels too invisible with all the work/kid stuff to bother dressing nice for you. You do seem to be pulling the brunt of the housework too, which is another sign of depression if she used to take more pride in it.

Though, you say she dresses nice with her mother and friends? I don't know, that also sounds like a dynamic between you and her. Is she angry at you for some reason that she'd rather get attention from strangers?

I personally hate the attention of strangers but that's me. All this makes me think I should put a bit of effort in for the hubs one night but I think he's the opposite and couldn't care what I wore or did. I think he'd rather just wear it himself.

It's funny how we all see this stuff, isn't it?

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: My thoughts on the issues raised.

Hi Sarah sorry to hear you're going through a rough time.

Funny enough tho not funny on the news just now they were tak

Liking about depression and how some women have a massive bout of depression after having kids and how the slightest compliment can brighten their day.

May be a good idea to get yourself a baby sitter and hit the town with your wife one weekend and stipulate a lets get dressed up smart and enjoy ourselves.

You never know that might work.

I posted about how to approach your wife when you feel she's not making the effort for you and many don't seem to understand this and say oh that's selfish and side with the poor wife who's run off her feet and bringing up the kids but I think the bringing up the kids and housework is far more balanced these days.

I understand where you're coming from to an extent as my wife dresses nice but heels and tights are rare so I love it when she does wear heels and tights the novelty of stockings is not something I've seen for a long time apart from on myself.

It's a hard one but I'm sure with the right prompts and a softly softly approach you can revive your marriage. Best of luck with that.

In terms of crossdressing to cope I have used crossdressing as a coping mechanism for stress to unwind for some time since I stopped playing sport it's inexplicable how putting on makeup etc and dressing can be such a stress reliever and I get the turn on too as I've said before I feel sexy dressed.

I also raised the cyber sex thing as it seems common to fantasy role play when dressed. I think it's harmless but I would I'm a bloke but wives I've chatted to see this as cheating even though not physical.

So now I've said I think it's harmless I'd have to say so what if my wife had cyber sex I don't think it would bother me as our sex life's ok we trust one another it's not physical sex.. That's me saying that here as I'm sure she doesn't have cyber sex but does read a lot of ahem books on her kindle.

Sarah I'm sure we can offer support but you may be better getting some marriage counselling coming from someone who doesn't hold a lot of faith in councelling.

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: My thoughts on the issues raised.

Hi Sarah

I'm sorry to hear your problems. Your original post gave the impression that you felt all women didn't bother anymore which was bound to get a few heckles up!

Really you wish your wife would take more care of her appearance. I guess she's really just got into a rut and needs to break out of it. Emma here, up dated her wardrobe, changed her make up and received no end of compliments about it. It really lifted her spirits and it sounds as if your wife could do with the same.

I guess the trick is to talk to her without being confrontational. Let her know how attractive she is, boost her ego, tell her how great she looked when she went to work in skirts and heels. Take her out shopping, spoil her, a MAC makeover or personal shopper might help boost her self confidence. She sounds to me that she's wearing a uniform to hide and blend in but you want her to stand out and be the woman you married. She's still the same woman you married so it's in there somewhere, you just need to bring it out and I'm sure the rest will follow.

By: Sarah Tgirl

Subject: Re: My thoughts on the issues raised.

I get all that Katie I really do and your wife is in a certain profession dressing a certain way so you're lucky you see her dressed in expensive things and in tights and heels so that's normal for you.

I also get women don't go shopping all dolled up and those I see dolled up have too much time on their hands or dress like that for work and pop in to the supermarket on the way home.

Dressing practically yes get all that but still hate yes hate that if shes out with someone else her girl friends or goes to a show with her mum or a Christmas do she will get dolled up but if I take her anywhere shes scruffy.

Sindy understand your post too but i'm worn out.

She works in Admin and has done for many years in the same company and I've seen her from dating dressing smartly for work always makeup and heels and a dress or skirt and top and ok Kids kill desire etc but her work outfit is now black trousers or black trousers or sometimes black trousers and a blouse and flip flops or flat shoes.

I'm not talking about her being made up 24/7 and in heels but I cannot remember the last time I saw her dress nice just for me.

I'm here too remember me the one working all the hours under the sun sorting the nipper for school and doing the cooking and cleaning whilst shes playing games on her phone after her 7 hour day at work and my 10 hour day home before me but I do the dinner then no thinks for it and so false in front of others like we have a marriage made in heaven.

So my escape is Sarah I don't want a divorce I just want her to be more like she was ive given her time 4 and a bit years since our little one was born isn't that enough tome to get over baby blues?

And the lack of intimacy like I said should I become a monk and take a vow of chastity or get myself off alone dressed as a woman in front of my computer chatting to other trannys look what i'm reduced to.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: My thoughts on the issues raised.

I enjoy your questions and reasoning

He wouldn't shake his head he'd be really interested

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: My thoughts on the issues raised.

Ha! Don't worry, he's well aware of how I feel. I'm not one to hold it inside lol. It's more we've talked it to death since we broke that barrier and now there's not much else to say and it's really up to me to come to terms with things. So I'm here chatting with my free therapy.

My husband would more likely just shake his head that you poor bastards are having to listen to me instead. :-D

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: My thoughts on the issues raised.

Sindy I didn't realise your husband doesn't know you post here blooming ek mun I'm sure if he read half your posts it would help him understand you better and your feelings about crossdressing and he may even contribute here.

Missing a trick X

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: My thoughts on the issues raised.

There is a single older lady who lives along the road from us. She's slim and glamorous and always dresses stylishly for a woman of her age (I'm guessing 75+). She obviously doing it because she wants to as she has no obvious partner.

I always think of someone like Helen Mirren when I envisage dressing in my older age. I'd hate to end up like Mrs Brown lol.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: My thoughts on the issues raised.

And actually, 'fit in' is the wrong phrase. We dress appropriately as you said Katie. Which I guess is the same but it makes us sound less like sheep haha.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: My thoughts on the issues raised.

My husband doesn't know I'm here either Katie - we are both not bothered about discussing the topic at the moment. I felt a little bad but then I also thought if he did read here, all we've done is discuss the truth and it's all very honest and harmless in that way I think they'd read and be okay, you know? Maybe they'd learn something about us.

And I completely agree that women dress to fit in. We tend to outgrow the need to stand out in costume or whatever when we leave our teens. Doesn't mean we're all little clones but if most moms are wearing jeggings to school pick up then that what we wear, with a little touch of our own style. I always wear make up no matter what I'm doing so I'm weird there. But I don't wear many accessories like necklaces or rings etc yet I have friends who will arrive at school with hair not brushed and no make up and they're wearing the loveliest pair of earrings. Or lipstick. Another lady always wears lippie even though the rest of her could have been dragged through a bush lol.

So these women are all doing their best. But as you say Katie, you can't wipe vomit off the floor in heels. That's our life! When women have kids, both the woman and her husband lose ownership of her body. It becomes a baby play ground and child hugging machine and snot wiper and human carrier and tidier and cleaner and more hugging and....

We lose ourselves in our kids. YOUR kids. So give the wives a break here as they're doing their best when they can. And give them a fancy night out so they can wear a nice dress for you! Most wives, I think, do still care unless they're depressed or have other things going on. It's just logistics and time getting in the way.

Emma, you started dressing nicer but it was your choice, was it not? How would you have felt if your husband had insisted on it?

I'll ask another question. How do older women dress? I see very smart, well dressed older ladies around me. Ladies on the other side of raising children!

Sarah, I'll add here that yes, I think it gets better but I'll be honest, your wife sounds either distracted or depressed. What does she do on her phone when your doing chores? Is it social media or games? And she's gained weight and doesn't wear any make up etc? I've never reached that point unless I'm really sick or something. I'm only a stranger here but she doesn't sound happy.

So here's a question for you - you are indulging crossdressing to help with her disinterest, but do you think you're also now more distant with her? I wonder if there's a bit of a cycle happening here. She is naturally overwhelmed with work and kids and so cares less about her appearance and doing things around the house, you pull away and crossdress in disappointment, she senses this and gets sadder and pulls away further and around and around you go...

Just a thought. Counseling would be a good idea. x

By: Katie

Subject: My thoughts on the many issues raised.

There seem to be a number of issues being raised and instead of trying to tag onto each thread I thought I’d give my views in one hit so excuse the new post.

My wife works in a professional environment and she goes to work each day in either a suit (trouser or skirt), a dress or skirt and top. She will nearly always wear tights and heels with the appropriate amount of make up. She may pop into the supermarket on her way home to buy some bread or milk (one of Davina’s 1 in a 100) but she wouldn’t do the weekly shop dressed that way.

It’s a matter of practicality. I wouldn’t want to trudge around the shops in heels for a couple of hours reaching high and low and I wouldn’t expect her to either. I sometimes get annoyed with her for not getting changed when she gets home as she’ll start some housework dressed for work and it’s normally expensive clothes which could be easily ruined!

When my wife wears her skinny jean (most of the time she’s not at work) I find her sexy as it shows off her figure. When she goes to gigs she often wear her biker jacket and boots which is another winning combination for me. If she wore heels and a dress she’d stick out like a sore thumb and feel uncomfortable.

I think clothes need to be appropriate for the situation and they are a way of fitting in with society. As crossdressers we know only too well about the affects of not following societies rules!

As Sindy says if you want your wife to wear ‘sexy clothes’ then you need to give her the opportunity to wear them which means somewhere that she will feel comfortable dressing up to the nines as other women will be doing the same. We’ve been to charity black tie dos with friends which have really been arranged so the wives can all dress up with their husbands. The girls loved it but the men complained!

Being a mum is a tough job and I admire my wife of the way she takes on the role. We work well as partnership and I do my fair share as I’m sure most modern men do. I can also say that the first year of a new baby is probably the toughest. My wife and I split the childcare in the first year (two days each) and I can tell you it was difficult with hardly a minute to yourself. Not to mention the threat of baby sick and food being thrown all over the place. I think I sent most of my time on my hands and knees cleaning up which you just couldn’t do in a skirt and heels. One is bad enough but we’ve got twins so it was doubly exhausting!

By the time they reach the toddler stage you need to be quick on your feet so again heels just don’t work.

Mine are now at school but clothes still need to be appropriate of the occasion. My wife can’t stand on the touchline on a Sunday morning next to a wet and windy football pitch in heels and skirt without getting some odd looks!

I think I’m trying to say that most women like to look their best and will dress up for the right occasions. If they don’t appear then don’t expect her to dress the way you want. If women don’t want to dress up then there maybe other issues about self esteem or depression. Compliments and encouragement are always needed to help increase someones self esteem. Criticism just doesn’t work.

When crossdresser get dressed up we have a special motivation so it’s no wonder we take time in getting our appearance right. Given the right motivation I’m sure many women would loved to get dressed up, it’s just doing the weekly shop, cleaning the loo or popping down the local probably aren’t the right reasons!

A lot of the time my wife dresses in the same way as I do and I can honestly say it doesn’t affect my desire to crossdress. My motivation to crossdress aren’t linked to the way she dresses and I don’t think it would change however she dressed. Quite often she’ll ask me what I think she should wear and she also asks if I think clothes suit her before she buys them.

With regard to the sexy chat online it’s not something I’ve ever done and if it there was the slightest hint of it then I’d stop the conversation. In someways I’m quite prudish and I’d hate to think my wife was doing the same with another man. Maybe I’m naive but I dress for me not to get compliments or be chatted up online. I’ve never posted a picture, I don’t take any, as I know what I look like, a six foot, middle aged man in a dress!

I think it’s easy to get carried away on sites and be egged on by other members. To a degree there is some peer pressure to keep pushing the boundaries which is one reason I stopped posting on another site. I can see how some people can get caught up in it all especially when people are reaffirming your own thoughts.

I know these things go on but it’s not for me. I sometimes feel uncomfortable that my wife doesn’t know I chat here but then that’s just part of being in a DADT relationship.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: How do we go about....

I knew what you meant Davind. It wasn't 'blah'. Just don't repeat it as a feminist convention haha. :)

By: Sarah Tgirl

Subject: Re: Re: Re: How do we go about....

I suppose I've given up on this Davina she dresses for comfort most days no makeup no skin care even makes me thing no care at all for her appearance

She basically dresses in jeans or leggings or trousers flat shoes and a blouse thankfully it will get colder soon and those horrible flip flops can go away.

The last time I asked her about why she will get glammed up to go out with the girls and not for me she said its what we do

What the hell does that mean that I'm now a 2nd class citizen and not worth dressing up or making an effort for.

Seems we're married living in the same house but all I do is work in work then work at home shes put on weight and wont talk about her health let alone appearance.

Marriage councelling maybe what we need as she wont talk to me and crossdressing is becoming a coping thing for me still fun and relaxing but the urge is more and more I don't want to dress up full time but it helps to unwind.

Is it just me?

and yes I feel like shes driven me towards finding a way to get off.

Is this something she will snap out of?

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: How do we go about....

Like I said my question was Blah.. How to word it ?

There is no way to go about this is there other than to come out and ask the question of "Why don't you make the effort you used to make with makeup and the way you dress?"

Emma help me out here ;)

I'm not pointing this at my wife as she does dress nice (looking forward to winter where she might wear dresses tights and heels) and has recently bought a load of makeup lord know what that cost but I've added this as its something that comes up a lot in

A) Chatting to other crossdressers - I usually ask what's their motivation and 9/10 times along with a Host of things I wear the things my wife doesn't wear anymore comes up.

B) Regular chat with colleagues non crossdressers as far as i know lol the same thing can crop up "Wow look at that woman she's smart my wife used to make an effort like that but now its weddings and girls night out she doesn't do it for me anymore"

This is something in both A and B im coming across more regularly.

It's funny chatting yesterday a crossdresser brought this topic up and we both laughed about the same thing, popping to the supermarket there may be 100 women there and 1 out of 100 may be wearing heels, a dress and has makeup on the rest in flats and leggings.

I joked the women in heels and makeup was probably a man lol.

The male image of femininity and how we enjoy seeing women is diminishing and we know if we ask women to glam it up a bit they take offence at it.

Another Arrfghhhh moment for mankind as we become the less dominant species in the human race and the women's brigade steals more of our things. Lol

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: How do we go about....

I don't know that this topic is ever going to sit well with most women. They're clearly wearing the clothes they want to wear and won't appreciate being told to dress more glam so you can perve at her. We're kind of busy raising kids and working, you know?!!

I think it's nice to dress up occasionally and I'm sure most of us wish we had more opportunity. Maybe book the two of you to dinner somewhere where cocktail dresses and heels are mandatory and even suggest you take her shopping for something nice to wear? Just don't make it about you or crossdressing as that will ruin the gesture. But booking dinner will go down WAY better than 'honey, you dress like a bloke and it turns me off. Can you start wearing heels please.' !!!

Meanwhile, feminists everywhere are seething that women are still expected to be visual eye candy for men. It is a bit annoying but I know it's also biology. I also think the media and it's obsession with slutty dressed women has a lot to answer for.

By: Davina

Subject: How do we go about....

Sarah has raised a point and maybe the RGs can help answer it..

"How do we men go about talking to our wives about how they dress or don't dress and how they don't make as much effort as they did before we got married and had kids with makeup etc?"

Hard to write that without it sounding Blah! and it did sound Blah! but not supposed to sound Blah!

It's a hard one ... how do we approach it without offending our wives?

It's not all for us we like to see our wives confident and looking their best. We just can't comprehend why women wouldn't want to glam up and look their best I suppose.

And that doesn't mean we don't fancy you in joggers and a t shirt and flat shoes lol bloomin crossdressing women!

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Effort

Hi Sarah thanks for the recent posts nice to see some variety lol

I think most marriages are more balanced than in the past and I agree with some of your points as it seems at a certain stage in some women's lives they give up on glamming themselves up leaving us lot scratching our heads as to when and how our wives stopped wearing high heels etc.

Just checked out the you tube video and most of the Crossdressers you'd never think they were men apart from they're wearing high heels and matching li gerie in some photos lol

By: Sarah T girl

Subject: Re: Re: Effort

Ahhh but I work then come home pick the kids up get dinner on help with the cooking and cleaning and ironing plus DIY, the garden the car (the last 3 she doesn't help with)

We share the duties around the house so my mrs has no excuse of time to glam up I even sort the kids lunches and uniforms every morning before I jet off to work she must sit down read her mobile phone updates and watch breakfast news get dressed then off to work come home to find dinner on the table. Can you sense my frustration?

Its lazy contentment and some of my dressing urge and fetish is a direct correlation to her not making the effort any more dressing and sex life that is.

She doesn't do her makeup to go to work, if we pop out to a pub for pub lunch she will go as she is leggings and jeans flat shoes boring as then frown at me if I look at a well presented woman in the pub.

Before we had kids she was always glam, always in matching lingerie and heels and a dress now the lingerie is in the draws (my draws) and she wears boring drab cotton things non matching.

The only time she will glam up is for a wedding or a girls night out with her friends. Now that hurts she will glam up for them not for me and I don't think this is an uncommon thing? Women don't bother to glam up past a certain age or stage in their life.

Don't you think women take us for granted sometimes?

Don't feel they need bother looking hot for us anymore since the ring is on the finger and kids are born etc life goal met married with kids and relax no more makeup, high heels pah and stockings and matching lingerie a thing of the past.

So I crossdress as I enjoy it it turns me on and I dress in things I wish shed dress in and make an effort as a man or as a t-girl to look my best.

Did you watch the you tube video some stunning T girls there aren't there and look at the effort they make put some women to shame they do.