So the title is a little disingenuous. I was not Emma for a whole week at all. 24/7 does not interest me, a few hours at a time is definitely sufficient. I could probably manage upto 8 hours although never did more than 6 hours this week at a time.

I basically had from Sunday afternoon to today (Saturday) where I knew the only risk of being caught dressed at home was if the house caught fire and I had to leave urgently in my lingerie and high heels and dress. That would have been a very different post!

So, first day, Sunday - quite a bit of that was spent de-sasquatching...I have been keeping my body hair very much short and trimmed but it is still there and had to go. Then I did my make up. It has been months so I guess the results were acceptable but not the best I've ever done. Looking back, I probably didn't enjoy Sunday afternoon and early evening as much as I thought I was going to. The problem was that because I hadn't dressed in months, I was like a kid in a candy shop, trying every little treat and then moving on to the next item. So I never really settled down, I got very hot and bothered and that led to me being uncomfortable, a bit sweaty, make up not looking great etc etc. So, my advice, where you have a few hours completely free and are going to dress, choose 1 outfit (maybe 2) and be happy with them.

Monday, was a day at work and so dressing had to wait til the evening. Make up went much better. I had toyed with the idea of going to the cinema - I quite like going solo - but knowing that I was going to a bar in London on Wednesday (see later), I thought I would just challenge myself. So off to London Hotel pub in Southampton (an LGBTQ friendly venue). I made sure I could park reasonably close. Drove in flats, but put on my 4 inch heels, jeans, blouse and denim jacket and just walked to the pub, and then past the entrance! And then stopped and thought what the hell, you've driven all this way, just go in. So I did, and to my surprise, I was the only one there! Damn it, but thank god! Had a bit of a chat with bartender about whether they get other Tgirls in (they do drag cabaret at the weekend) he said very occasionally. So I had a quick drink and went back to the car. It was exhilarating stepping out of the car. A few people around on other side of the street. No-one said anything though.

Now for the biggy - Wednesday night. I'd made plans to go to RetroRendezvous at Retro Bar in Soho. The lovely misssarahcd92 (TVchix) had very kindly agreed to 'look after me' and inspired me to take the trip. Due to work I had to go to/from in the same night, so that meant driving, parking and underground. Oh shit, public transport! So I regularly use the underground, it's hot, often cramped, but hardly anyone looks at anyone else - far too busy on their phones etc. So I had planned a 30min underground from Kew to Embankment and then a 5 min walk to the bar. Thankfully I was able to sit down both ways on the underground and had chosen to wear flat shoesAnd having planned it, thought about it a lot, I just got on an did it - and that is the secret I think to going out en femme. Plan it, and execute it, don't stop to think about it

I am sure I got clocked, but no-one said a thing.

The evening itself was great, meeting others in our community. Just normal people (well who is normal?!). It felt very comfortable, not scary at all. Did I learn anything else? Well yes, pockets in clothing are great and I missed them and instead having to use a handbag to carry car keys, house keys, purse/card, phone etc. It definitely takes a bit of practice to get used to using them and not looking like you've never seen one before. So, my advice is practice getting stuff in and out. or maybe its just me ?!

Onto Friday - oh Tuesday and Thursday were both drab days - I'd planned a make over fairy locally and someone had suggested, I go to a Tgirl outing over in Worthing. Another long drive but hey ho. Make over was good and I felt confident wearing a party dress and heels. I had hoped to meet up with the girl who had suggested but she got delayed and wasn't able to make it. Although I found that out when I parked. But off i went and walked into the pub. A broadly similar experience to Wednesday. All very friendly. The surprise was finding myself leaving that venue with about 6 others and going to a 'regular' bar. So, all 6'10" of me (including 4" heels) was walking into a straight bar. And guess what happened? A few women asked how tall i was - i get that question all the time - and then told me how good I looked. Wow! And that was that - a few stares and then people just got on with their evenings.

sThe locals, I think are used to a fairly regular Tgirl group going in and Worthing is close to Brighton so it seems its very liberal, but it was quite surprising and nice to be welcomed.

What did I learn...going to the right places is obviously important.

So overall, it has been a good week. I have taken some big steps but it has been quite intense and rapid. It has confirmed for me that I do enjoy going out. Bizarrely I feel pretty confident as Emma. I have never really enjoyed going to a pub and meeting and chatting to strangers, but I had no problems with it and actually enjoyed it and the attention, although perhaps felt a little creepy being objectified (which I'm sure I was) at times. (As an aside I wonder if that is how women have felt when I have checked them out in the past...hmm now that is something to ponder...I'd be discussing the impact of a lingering stare with my son (if I had one).

There is a huge amount of escapism - almost like putting on a character. In the grand scheme of things Emma is only a small part of me but embodying her for a few hours is fun. I enjoyed feeling feminine and thought I was reasonably attractive (if I ignore my rather masculine jaw line)- whether or not I am, that is not the point - I do this for me, because I have to.

the final thing to say is that I have also missed my family a lot as they have been away without me. I'm glad that they are coming home today. Whlst that means Emma's clothing and make up are packed away for a while at least, that is all good. Life is a balance and whilst you have to take opportunities (as I have done this week), it is also about priorities. For me that means whilst I want to go out again and enjoy the feelings and wellbeing I get from dressing, my family comes first and Emma only has to visit every so often - perhaps monthly is enough.

Davina did challenge me to write a book...and I'm sure I could have written much more and happy to answer any questions that anybody may have.

photos

in denim solo - Monday night

in denim with Sarah - Retrobar

in dress - Friday night