I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have popped in now and again but it's just been time constraints. Good to see some new members and I hope to see Sindy back at some point! Davina has my email address so if you ever need it I'm happy that she gives it to you.
I joined Tvchix and have chatted to some really interesting people. I even managed to grab a coffee for a long chat with a transwoman. She really helped me to understand myself and where my crossdressing sits within my life.
On Tvchix you can classify yourself depending on how you identify. I changed mine from crossdresser to transgender. That doesn't mean to say that I want to become a woman it means that my dressing is a means of expressing part of me. The desires to feel and look feminine. I do not need or want this to be permanent, just sometimes I need to feel feminine, to express that part of my personality. Some women love to look and feel feminine, for others it's a pain in the ass and for me I just share that need to look feminine. We are all different, with different make ups and I don't like olives but some people love them does that make me wrong?
From talking with other t girls generally women are very accepting and supportive. My own experience with a personal shopper was really positive, it just seems to be wives and girlfriends who struggle with accepting that their husband wants to express a feminine side to their personality. I totally get this, I wouldn't want my wife to appear masculine, so I hide this part of myself away from her. It is difficult because she can never experience the whole me and I feel that I am holding back an important part of my life from her. It makes me sad but equally I must respect her feelings.
The whole gender expression is hard to get your head around. For me it is not about attracting 'men' which is a common misconception amongst people with little or no knowledge of crossdressers. I am sure that many women dress in a feminine way for themselves, to make them feel good. I'm sure you get mad when men think you just dress 'sexily' to attract them. I'm sure you put your glad rags on for a night out with the girls with no intention of getting a man!
Saying that, there are crossdressers who do dress to attract me. As Davina alluded to in a previous post crossdressing is a broad church. There are plenty of fetish dressers, sissies, schoolies and others who's motivation is sexual.
That's why I decided that I was transgender. Purely expressing a different gender to my normal appearance to satisfy a need within me. I can move up and down the gender spectrum to varying degrees. But overwhelmingly the effect on me is positive. I have taken to shaving my body hair (not that I have a lot anyway) but it make me feel better about myself. It is normally considered a 'feminine' pursuit and maybe it is but I like the look better than being hairy. It gives me more body confidence if that makes sense. Yes it's difficult to expose in public (I grew it back for holiday) but now I'm back I feel happier that it's gone.
I will post more later.
Katie x
Trans* is an all encompassing term that cover anyone who moves from one gender to another whether that is crossdressing or transitioning. The T in T girl is short for Trans. There are a whole multitude of terms and so it really how you feel you fit under the umbrella. I've always felt that 'Transvestite' has more of a sexual element to it (although other will disagree https://metro.co.uk/2018/01/31/what-is-transvestic-fetishism-we-investigate-the-fetish-for-dressing-in-the-opposite-genders-clothes-7247156/) but I don't always find it a turn on so trans gender appears to fit better. To me it is about the feelings of wellness and balance that I get being dressed. I get a buzz but not necessarily a sexual buzz. I think it's more of a dopamine hit.
For a trans women it is about matching her body to her mind. Her gender identity is 100% female and she considers herself to be a woman. This obviously cause big psychological problems if every time you look in a mirror you see a male reflection. I don't have that feeling so don't consider myself a trans woman.
Mine is more about gender expression. Clothes are important because of the way they make me feel but also removing body hair also makes me feel feminine. I don't like body hair - it looks dirty and unclean. Women always strike me as being cleaner than men is I guess it's part of that psychology. I love the image that some women portray and enjoy emulating them.
Katie x
Then you do see Trans as something else?
Are you not as trans as the woman you met?
Are clothes secondary to you?
If clothes weren't masculine or feminine then they'd be no trans (in respect to t girls / crossdressers). For trans women and trans men the clothes are secondary. I had a coffee with a trans woman and she found it hard to understand why men would want to dress as women!
Transvestite yes i know the above but its old fashioned and has preconcieved things by society. Crossdresser is a joke terterm peop laugh about tgirl I prefer trans girl I know but more.modern.
I'm happy mine calling himself.a tgirl or crossdresser must be subconscious as if he said he was trans it would worry me even though he is trans or somewhere in the spectrum along the trans scale.
Emma (wife) Where's Esme she's a co founder by marriage she should be wading in here with a wife's point of view lol come on Esme xx
Em
Still waiting on a reply ;-)
Dear Emma
Trans is from Latin meaning “across, on the far side, beyond”. So trans + vestite (dress/clothes) = Transvestite or in modern terms a crossdresser.
To me transgender means moving from one gender (male/female) to another. It does not need to be permanent. Gender, or at least the definition of what is feminine and what is masculine, is fluid and changes over time and different cultures have different definitions. Blue used to be a feminine colour and pink masculine. The desired appearance for men in ancient Rome was to be hair free and they had various means to remove body hair including razors, tweezers, creams and waxing (Would Russell Crowe have been any less masculine for having no body hair?). Men have worn make up until the mid 1800's when it became a 'feminine' only necessity (blame the Victorians). Men in tights is nothing new, in fact men wore tights before women.
Society, over time, changes the gender of items or action. To remove body hair has been considered a 'feminine' pursuit until very recently. Now it's becoming more popular but as a middle aged man I may be looked at as being 'gay' if I do! Who knows, in 10 year time having body hair may be unacceptable for both men and women!
Because I like playing around with my gender expression doesn't change my sex. It doesn't change by sexuality or my personality. It just confuses the current rules in our society which some people find uncomfortable. There is a script which will all know the rules to and follow (boys wear trouser, they're rough and tough, like blue and play sport - girls like pink and dolls, they wear pretty dresses and like playing home). Breaking those rules is uncomfortable and part of the problem that crossdressers is that we feel the pain of being contrarian.
I think the fear grows from the old term Transsexual which is moving from one sex to another. If this is accompanied by surgery them this becomes permanent. Becoming a woman! Now people who transition from one sex to another tend to be known as a transwoman / transman or just a woman or man.
I don't know if you watched the TED talk I put in another thread but I think it explain how gender works in both a witty and informative way. Gender expression and gender identity are concept which can be hard to grasp, especially if your are cis (identify and express the gender determined by the sex into which you were born).
So really 'Trans' is a term that means many things to many people, often it causes confusion because of lack of eduction on the subject. It is no a dangerous term but just describes an action.
If you have time watch the talk.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=NRcPXtqdKjE
Katie x
I think if you are going to meet someone you have to keep a level of anonimity as chatting is one thing meeting is another level and can you really tell what someone is like from typing to one another I mean some women have internet relationships with men in prison.
You're right I am happy with the 'Davina' type crossdresser and correct it is because I think I understand the many motivations and have no fears about my husband crossdressing.
I think it's the trans word itself.
Ok my husband says he likes t girl or crossdresser that i can live with but if he said he was trans the very word itself would set my mind in a whirl of omg he's trans he wants to be a woman.
I know its labels but i think to a wife if you want to get your head around crossdressing there are positive labels and negative ones so reading what a Davina type crossdresser is can be ok but if he said he was Trans i'd have different feelings about it.
I get Trans coveres everything but Davinas Trans spectrum drills down deeper and i think wives would be more comfortable knowing where on the trans spectrum left to right their husband or boyfriend sits and is likely to end up. Trans is all encompasing and like i said could set a wifes head spinning the wrong way.
The media is awash with transgender but they don't report on or cover the Davina type married with family and stressful job always dressed to some extent and dresses for fun and escapism like my husband.
I hope to see some of the girls back too including Esme who as co founder has gone AWOL lol
Emma (Wife)
Dear Emma
I'd already spoken with them online and I think that you can get a feel for what people are like from the way the write an dare willing to disclose. She was also not local, had no idea where I live or my real name so I felt safe enough to met her in Brighton.
I think you're happy with the 'Davina' type crossdresser because you now understand the motivations and you have had your fears put to rest. If you had not then a "Davina' type crossdresser may still hold the same fear as somebody identifying as trans or gender fluid. Once you understand the person then the concerns can be dealt with in an adult manner. I don't think me feeling trans is anymore of a threat to my marriage as me being a "Davina' the crossdresser. Being trans does not mean I will transition is just means I have part of me that wishes to express a feminine side. I move my gender according to my mood and feelings (gender fluid). Same thing just how people label themselves.
I don't feel that I am a woman trapped in a male body. That's really gender dysphoria and in old money they would have been called transsexual. Transgender is a catch all phrase that is a little less clinical but captures a wide variety of people. Sometime people at pre-op and post-op transgender to signify they are in the process of transitioning. Is labels can be confusing and not always helpful. I think the best thing is to talk and understand the person - the label can just confuse matters and let people jump to conclusions from lack of education on the subject. T girl = T (trans) girl, it's just a fashion thing. It used to be transvestite, then crossdresser now t girl.
The media is awash with transgender at the moment. But their definition of trans is somebody who wants to transition. They haven't caught on to the fact that some people just want o flit between genders (trans, gender fluid, crossdress etc). Maybe that's the next stage of the learning curve although it my make dull television! If we're not some camp drag act they're not interested.
Your right about buying clothes. I've done it in the past but nothing as frustrating as not having the right size in the shop! At least I know I can buy it online and sometimes only on-line.
I hope to see your wing girls back soon too x
Katie xxx
Davina (hows the injury?) put in a complaint Emma sorry this Forum on Wix can be infuriating you type a long response then send it and gobledegoop comes up or you lose what you’re typed so now doing it on word to copy and paste in. Little time but owe you a replay so here goes.
I bet you were nervous meeting someone as outing yourself as a man to a trans person you dont know if theyre a stalker, genuine or has an ulterior motive so great that you got on so well.
Its funny you mention albels but I think us wives need them ie I think we’re happy with the Davina type crossdresser dressing up for escapism and relaxation and I know she gets a little turned on by being dressed but we can accept that its the more scary labels where we fear he / she may run off with a man or another t girl or wants to live or dress full time as a woman so labels are important to us.
Gender fluid i’m not sure I get but if you mean you’re happy to dress in womens clothes but not always appear as a woman visually with makeup and wig then I think I get it being trans is a given everyone on the trans spectrum is trans but depends where you mean you are on the spectrum.
Davina middle of the spectrum I would say occasionally dressing so are you more to the right towards the TS part of the scale?
My husband says hes just him he doesnt feel a woman trapped inside.
I would think however if you told your wife you were a crossdresser she may take that one way or another telling her you’re trans although to a point the same thing seems scarier? Esme are you reading what do you think? If Davina said to you “Darling I’m Trans” would that feel a it scary compared to him saying “Darling I crossdress or I’m a T-Girl”
All men have a softer side you guys express it dressing as women and find it difficult to show the softer side in your normal lives. Am I right??
My husband finds it difficult to tell me this but he’s admitted he’s got a fem side and a fem persona.
When hes dressed on our nights in and excursions out he whole manner changes which freaked me out a little at first seeing him mince more when he walked lol and a limp wrist sometimes and different facial expressions and a softer voice all part of the “thing” I suppose wanting to feel fem and escape the trappings of male life?
I get the clothes are lovely and you guys like to wear and look a certain way the way you’d like us to dress or how you portray your ideal feminine look and agree I love my new wardrobe my dresses and new shoes and glad I made a change in my life to try to always look my best which is a chore at times. See it’s a chore for us to do our makeup and dress nice for you its fun and thats just unfair haha.
I think I’ve mentioned before we people watch and I know Davina and Esme do likewise and I know if he’s checking a woman out hes not a dog on heat salivating over another woman hes appreciating how she looks, what shes wearing and how shes done her hair or makeup or her high heels or tights and i’m fairly relaxed about that.
So yes we watch people and think hmm that looks nice for example myself and Davina have the same mustard flowery dress from Peacocks which I wore to work today so Davina has good taste lol and in the same people watching you see horrendous fashion faux pas.
I think you’re right we’ve come across admirers men who fancy t-girls when on line and you t girls do make more of an effort to look nice than we do see above the chore of having to do makeup you guys find it fun and looking at the videos Davina posted omg there are some really stunning tgirls about some more convincing than real women lol.
Yes crossdressing is seen as demeaning but what do they know. We’ve seen the its ok to crossdress but not my husband on here and I hope Sindy is ok and returns and also we can see satire in how crossdressing is made a laughing stock a joke and how the whole thing is wrapped up as weird in peoples mind and people who dress are perverts or quite mad (watch the Danish girl) but some of us know better we know its harmless we know it is escapism and fun for you girls. Thought id call you girls instead of guys oops.
My husband is a real man and he crossdresses but still a real man.
I followed the Kubler-Ross curve on Davinas blog and recognised how Davina described in her blog how Esme over time travelled along the curve and I had a more rapid journey over months compared to Esmes years which Davina must think was time wasted to her finally going out in the wild world dressed so the curve is pretty accurate if you can find acceptance so come on Katie get your wife on the curve.
I’m a woman so I always feel femininie lol but I get what you mean I feel much nicer when ive made effort to do my hair nice and wear makeup and in a nice dress and sure Esme and the other women here feel the same. I seem alone at the moment I’m missing my wing girls Esme and Rebecca and Sindy and Ruby is it or Kate or the other way around.
If you want to go out just do it we’ve done it I forced him out he wanted to and was a chicken so I made him do it to get it out of his system and Davina has done it. Youve had a personal shopper so thats out isnt it?
OMG Katie if you want to buy something female just do it click and collect tut tut wheres the fun in that I make him go and buy things even his knickers lol
People are definitely too busy to give a damn about a t girl in public or a man buying knickers.
Hope this posts
Emma (Wife)
Sorry Em wix does sometimes have a wobble and you post something and then check it and something else has been posted happens when I use my tablet or phone not so much laptop
Omg stupid website no idea how it's done the above will try later on my laptop my replies in there somewhere
I bet you were nervous meeting outing yourself but good you had a positive experiance.
Seems youv e move on past the Davina type and more trans?
.
Trying to put a label on anyone is always difficult. I could as easily be defined as gender fluid, trans or a crossdresser. I just feel happier feeling that my crossdressing is more to do with me wanting to express a feeling inside than for a sexual reason. If you've been on TVChix then you know that crossdresser covers a large array of people from the "Davina' type to those who it is totally fetish. I just felt that being classed as trans was a bit more specific in that it was how I felt. Maybe not the best explanation but I spoke with Leanne about what crossdressing meant to me and she felt that I was also trans. How I described it was how a trans woman felt but obviously that include the dysphoria which I don't believe that I suffer from.
Tights are more practical and my toilet arrangements are slightly different to yours so maybe not the same issues lol.
What is masculine and what is feminine is defined by society. Women's clothes, mens clothes, aggression (masculine) empathy (feminine). The fact that I express 'feminine' thoughts and appearance by definition gives me a feminine side. I don't feel any different it just how society wants to label these items and for want of a better way of explaining it that how it works for me. Does you husband wanting to dress as woman not express a feminine side or does he think it is a masculine past time? He is just expressing a need to appear feminine to satisfy his own desires.
The clothes are lovely. But some crossdressers will have a particular, lets say 'style'. I prefer to be seen as a feminine woman so I wouldn't expect my wardrobe to be much different to a regular woman. I like to observe what other woman are wearing and copy. Isn't that how women work? Follow the fashion. Next purchase is a pair of black skinny jeans to go with my leather jacket! Not necessarily what some crossdressers would wear as not 'sexy' enough but I think the look can be hot lol.
I think what a lot of crossdressers don't understand is give the options why would women not give a toss what they look like. Maybe that is a masculine trait - not giving a toss what you look like when you think how lost of men leave the house. I know it frustrates Davina and to be honest I think a lot of the admirers like crossdressers because of the effort and pride they take in making themselves as feminine as possible. I'm sure many of them have dowdy wives at home who gave up caring long ago.
I think that the problem is that society is patriarchal. To been seen to dress as a woman is somehow demeaning. Some women are complicit in this view and will look down on crossdressers as somehow inferior to 'real' men. Being contrarian is alway difficult but as a society we are learning whether that is by eduction or by a carrot and stick approach. I watched the first episode of Butterfly and the fathers reaction was probably typical. The denial, shame etc. Just follow Davina Kubler-Ross curve. You've probably followed the same curve and have learnt to accept your husbands crossdressing. It will always be difficult because you have had years of conditioning but what he does only benefits him as a person and provided it doesn't have a detrimental affect of other areas of your life then it can be embraced and be fun as you are finding out.
I think my not need to go all out is to do with how I feel internally as opposed to externally. I can feel feminine in just the clothes. Do you still feel feminine even if you aren't made up to the nines? At what point do you feel feminine? For me being shaved give me a feminine feeling. A skirt does the same, tights etc. Having long hair is the ultimate in feeling feminine but I don't feel the need to go the whole hog. Maybe holding back is my way of keeping things in check. I don't know, I've never really analysed it but slowing things down works for me.
I would like to get out at some point. I'd loved to go shopping without feeling stressed. Walking around a women's department in drab is very stressful. Thank God for click and collect. I think my biggest fear is being confronted by someone who is mouthy and aggressive. It would hurt to be denigrated and embarrassing. I wouldn't know what to do or where to look. My skin isn't that thick and I do worry what others thing about me but that's my problem. Most girls who go out only have positive experiences and say people are just too busy with their own lives to take any notice. One day!
I do think that women have to take extra precautions that men don't even give a second thought to. I know if I went out I'd need t think about these things. And yes a group of women can be quite daunting although I've never felt physically at risk.
Hi Emma
Thought you might reply to my latest comments.
Katie x
Dear Emma
I was a little nervous meeting Leanne but we got on like a house of fire. It was great just to sit outside in the sunshine chatting over a coffee. It was in Brighton so nobody batted an eyelid. She was just another regular woman having a coffee. It was really a matter of trust. I had spoken to her quite a lot online before we met and she had always been open and honest. You can sometimes get a sense of people so I knew that she was going to pointing and shouting that I was a crossdresser.
Trying to put a label on anyone is always difficult. I could as easily be defined as gender fluid, trans or a crossdresser. I just feel happier feeling that my crossdressing is more to do with me wanting to express a feeling inside than for a sexual reason. If you've been on TVChix then you know that crossdresser covers a large array of people from the "Davina' type to those who it is totally fetish. I just felt that being classed as trans was a bit more specific in that it was how I felt. Maybe not the best explanation but I spoke with Leanne about what crossdressing meant to me and she felt that I was also trans. How I described it was how a trans woman felt but obviously that include the dysphoria which I don't believe that I suffer from.
Tights are more practical and my toilet arrangements are slightly different to yours so maybe not the same issues lol.
What is masculine and what is feminine is defined by society. Women's clothes, mens clothes, aggression (masculine) empathy (feminine). The fact that I express 'feminine' thoughts and appearance by definition gives me a feminine side. I don't feel any different it just how society wants to label these items and for want of a better way of explaining it that how it works for me. Does you husband wanting to dress as woman not express a feminine side or does he think it is a masculine past time? He is just expressing a need to appear feminine to satisfy his own desires.
The clothes are lovely. But some crossdressers will have a particular, lets say 'style'. I prefer to be seen as a feminine woman so I wouldn't expect my wardrobe to be much different to a regular woman. I like to observe what other woman are wearing and copy. Isn't that how women work? Follow the fashion. Next purchase is a pair of black skinny jeans to go with my leather jacket! Not necessarily what some crossdressers would wear as not 'sexy' enough but I think the look can be hot lol.
I think what a lot of crossdressers don't understand is give the options why would women not give a toss what they look like. Maybe that is a masculine trait - not giving a toss what you look like when you think how lost of men leave the house. I know it frustrates Davina and to be honest I think a lot of the admirers like crossdressers because of the effort and pride they take in making themselves as feminine as possible. I'm sure many of them have dowdy wives at home who gave up caring long ago.
I think that the problem is that society is patriarchal. To been seen to dress as a woman is somehow demeaning. Some women are complicit in this view and will look down on crossdressers as somehow inferior to 'real' men. Being contrarian is alway difficult but as a society we are learning whether that is by eduction or by a carrot and stick approach. I watched the first episode of Butterfly and the fathers reaction was probably typical. The denial, shame etc. Just follow Davina Kubler-Ross curve. You've probably followed the same curve and have learnt to accept your husbands crossdressing. It will always be difficult because you have had years of conditioning but what he does only benefits him as a person and provided it doesn't have a detrimental affect of other areas of your life then it can be embraced and be fun as you are finding out.
I think my not need to go all out is to do with how I feel internally as opposed to externally. I can feel feminine in just the clothes. Do you still feel feminine even if you aren't made up to the nines? At what point do you feel feminine? For me being shaved give me a feminine feeling. A skirt does the same, tights etc. Having long hair is the ultimate in feeling feminine but I don't feel the need to go the whole hog. Maybe holding back is my way of keeping things in check. I don't know, I've never really analysed it but slowing things down works for me.
I would like to get out at some point. I'd loved to go shopping without feeling stressed. Walking around a women's department in drab is very stressful. Thank God for click and collect. I think my biggest fear is being confronted by someone who is mouthy and aggressive. It would hurt to be denigrated and embarrassing. I wouldn't know what to do or where to look. My skin isn't that thick and I do worry what others thing about me but that's my problem. Most girls who go out only have positive experiences and say people are just too busy with their own lives to take any notice. One day!
I do think that women have to take extra precautions that men don't even give a second thought to. I know if I went out I'd need t think about these things. And yes a group of women can be quite daunting although I've never felt physically at risk.
Katie xxx
This week I have had women, complimenting my dresses, makeup, stockings, legs and general dress sense. We even laughe’d about ogoling each other’s legs and it was not just men who do it.
Checking in again with a few free minutes before going shopping after a lazy lay in morning following a girls night in last night watching films and drinking wine and now nursing hangovers each.
Brave of you to go out and meet a trans woman, outing your male self to someone who knows you as a crossdresser.
So Katie you think you’re more Trans than just a crossdresser?
So have you moved out of the “Davina Type Crossdresser” bracket into something else?
Tights are more comfy Katie you’re right Tights for practicality Stockings for fun and titillation although he says stockings are also easier for the toilet lol.
Good that you can admit to having a feminine said as its something my other half struggles to say and a bit weird me hearing him say he’s got a feminine side but maybe you’re at a stage you can accept and openly say you have a feminine side, I think Davina is the same suppressing a feminine side that he must have but doesn’t want to admit to having and wonder what Esme would say if Davina said to her that he has a feminine side. Answers on a post card Esme? Still with us hon? x
I get the love of clothes I suppose I do also a new found love and have far too many dresses and skirts and tops for my wardrobe since my renaissance haha.
Shared wardrobe so he loves it so many choices.
Not every woman does look feminine I notice a lot of women dressing more masculine on a daily basis. You can go to a major city and see some women and think omg was that a man or a woman and it may be a t girl or sorry to be rude to the real women I pass but we do people watch and wonder omg is that a t girl and mostly its probably a woman.
Why do men crossdress is the name of Davinas blog and our Forum here so yeah it is really hard to put into words how it can make you feel we still struggle with the why even though i’m accepting and sometimes encourage his crossdressing especially if I can tell hes down or stressed and a bit of retail therapy or a few hours dressed and he seems happier.
Yes I’m sure Davina is most distressed by you not going all out but dont worry what Davina thinks as if its just the dressing that does it for you so what it probably gives you more opportunity to crossdress not having to shave and put on makeup but I also see where Davina is coming from like my other half has to be fully transformed makeup wig etc cant just wear the clothing.
Are you thinking of going out and blending with the muggles? Excited for Davina and Esme next week stepping out.
Its true if you find enjoyment in it like football or anything else then it can only be a good thing.
The need to be macho is how most men were brought up as if you dont act macho as a boy and young man then old man lol you’re looked down upon by your peers?
I dont expect to run the household myself its a two way thing we share responsibilities in our house and we share the dresses haha.
A French maids outfit has been worn a few times by the both of us mind you if we really need to get some house work done hehe I said if you want to dress get some house work done so got the french maids outfit for him lol amused me.
Good to also read another wife saying her partner's cross dressing has changed her perspective on clothes, shoes and makeup.
Makeup is definitely a skill and men who dress seem to master it better than us and I also love learning new things the makeover he had sparked us trying contouring and he looked great made over professionally as Katie does on here with the photos shes posted.
Wig fascination? Ah thats a good idea if youre taking photos or if you’re going out with your partner crossdressed a disguise for yourself. Esme a tip lol.
Awwww great to read you feel hot with some cute makeup, stockings and heels good to pamper yourself and dress up once in a while it was a revelation for me too going back to wearing dresses and makeup etc and he will appreciate you all the more for it Note Read Davinas many rants about women who no longer dress up lol
Yes Katie we’ve had a few missions out he’s wanted to go out and I forced the issue called his bluff and was quite exciting. What are your fears about going out? If you go out as a woman you may see men oggling your legs or bum or comments you may even have some comments questioning if you’re a man or woman so maybe a bit more to worry about than a woman does in a male dominated environment but you’re a man at the end of the day and in a deep voice you could say “Oy what you looking at sunshine!” haha
Why would men have a 9pm cerfew? I dont live in fear of men.
Go for it Katie you’ve met a trans woman, youve done the personal shopper and had a makeover and photo shoot you’ve been out done more than most already and you’re in Brighton right? What better place to go out or too local?
What you note as avoiding back streets etc is just common sense
Women are tougher than you give us credit for hon and he’s just said a big group of women can be just as intimidating to a man.
Thats a long reply covering a few posts this had better post lol
Emma (Wife)
Dear Emma
I know that you have both ventured out and I too have a desire to go out. But I have fears about going out. I was a little shocked when my wife said she felt uncomfortable when we went out during the day in Marrakesh. It is a very masculine dominated society and she had noticed that most people out and about where men. She felt uncomfortable being a woman surrounded by so many men. I hadn't really noticed - male privilege.
I was even more shocked about how women felt on a daily basis. There was a simple question asked of women 'What would you do if men had a 9 pm curfew'. https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/491cd13b-fcfd-4e9b-b64d-a72cf8ad8c8b It made me really sad that women should live in fear of men and have their lives so affected. I don't even register these fears if I go out as a man.
I think dressing and going out as a woman may help me to experience these fears. I can understand why my wife might fear me going out alone if she too has these fears. I'm not sure that all crossdressers see things from a female perspective. Maybe part of my feeling of being trans is an acceptance of these feelings and fears. I would be scared of coming across a group of men if I was out as a woman at night. I'd want to carry me keys in my hand, I 'd chose the route home avoid back streets and parks, I wouldn't go into dark carparks etc I know of t girls who have been attached whilst out so the fear is real
I think men need to open their eyes and experience these fears themselves. Maybe we should all spend sometime walking in each other shoes! Women are vulnerable in skirts and heels, maybe that is why men want them to wear them!
I will never be a woman, I'll never know what it truly feels like to be a woman but I can understand a woman fears and the prejudice that women feel in todays society.
Katie x
Katie
I find it's so paradoxical that women are inferior and weak in our social conditioning - yet we demand so much from them. Women are expected to keep the household together while looking amazing. I'm glad it has shifted but now we expect both men and women to be everything. we expect women to be working and mothers and gorgeous. We expect men to be strong and but aren't given the opportunity to be strong or vulnerable. It is so frustrating.
Emma
My partner's cross dressing has changed my perspective on clothes, shoes and makeup. I'm viewing makeup as a skill and i love learning new things. With shoes... imagine if i didn't have to walk around in those cute shoes. And I've even got myself a little bit of a wig fascination which developed from me wanting to protect my identity (I'm a teacher and i think the education department doesn't like explicit pictures). But it's changed my attitude too and damn it if I don't look hot with some cute makeup, stockings and heels.
loved this read... Thanks ladies
Hi Emma
Yes the chat with the trans woman did alter my views on crossdressing. She thought I was on the trans spectrum as opposed to being a crossdresser. I think that crossdressing is a broad church and as you know on TVChix it has a wide range of meanings. There are those who dress for fetish reasons and I know that my crossdressing isn't sexual in the sense that I do it to get turned on just by pulling on a pair of knickers and stocking (I tend to wear tights as more comfy).
As I said it's a way I can express the feminine side of my character. Saying that I'm probably pigeon holing what is feminine and what is not. It is my idea of femininty which may not be the same as the next persons. But I feel that I have a love of clothes and a desire to look a certain way in common with a lot of women. I'm not saying that every woman wants to look feminine or indeed that they have to look like a crossdresser to be feminine but it is how I choose to express my feelings. It's really hard to put into words how it can make you feel but I guess that you understand because you have seen the effect it can have on you when express your femininity in that way.
I know it always horrifies Davina but I don't always feel the need to slap on the make up and a wig. If I was going out then I would want to be a feminine as possible and blend with the muggles. but when I'm home, alone, just dressing nicely in a feminine way gives me that feel good factor I can happily work away not really acknowledging how I'm dressed. Sometimes I forget and look down to see a pair of nylon glad legs popping out from a skirt. It just part of who I am and part of enjoying life in the same way as I love football. It's all wrapped up in me which is why it is difficult when one [art of your personality is ignored or ridiculed.
In fact I think that a lot of it is derived from the need to be macho. You can't show weakness as a man and putting on a dress makes you a sissy. It shows a weakness because in a world poisoned by masculine toxicity to be a woman is inferior. I hate that and all it stands for, maybe because I'm a crossdresser but also because it is wrong. I have nothing but admiration for women and have always considered them to be an equal.
Anyway waffle over.
Katie x
HI Katie its Friday so im making time to correspond with you lovely people and so you should be sorry dissapearing and not posting for ages shame on you lol
I undersatand the time constraints and you not being fully out to your wife must make it complicated to log on in the evenings etc.
It is great to see new girls and wives and I’m worried about Sindy we need to see if she’s ok
Davina says shes emailled her but no reply and nothing here. Really am worried and been peeking in hoping she will return with a vengence especailly in light of Davina and Esme going out which Sindy would find shocking haha.
We’ve been on TV Chix then discovered Davinas blog and met you lovely people so we came off tvchix and used the blog and then the forum and it’s still my login here he’s not allowed but he is reading this with me as we speak or type hehe.
Cool that you met someone from TV chix was it nice to meet someone over coffee its not something we’ve done.
Is your chat over coffee the reason you changed your type to trans from crossdresser?
I get you needing to hide your fem side and wanting to express it something I really do get with “My Crossdresser” and I encourage him to unwind and express his fem side to the point we both cracked up laughing last girls night in when I told him to give me a catwalk model walk and try a female voice lol so funny.
I love to feel and look feminine but as I’ve put here I did get into a rut of flat shoes no makeup hair a mess trousers and glad crossdressing shock jumpstarted the fem in me and he’s glad too revolutionised my wardrobe added 30 mins to getting ready for work each day, actually lost weight and feel fitter and better about myself for doing it too. Davina will be happy I was in a dress black tights and heels today in the super market haha.
I think people do seem to be more accepting we’ve seen a few trans programs on tv but still nothing which matches the majority of crossdressers on here which leave you all short of publicity.
It is maddening if I go out with out him just me and the girl and I have my engagement ring and wedding ring on (reminds me of something I need to post to Esme later) but even seeing the rings men will try chatting me up and I’m not even flattered as they can see the rings they know im married. So yes I dress up for our nights out not looking to snag a man but looking to look and feel nice with my girls.
Eww fetish dressers, schoolies and all that whats that all about?
I just said to him I draw a line there and he said nothing to worry about lol.
So you said you would post again later and you didnt so not fully out of the bad books Katie!
Lol
Emma (Wife)
ps I think I typed this without my tablet messing up but not pressed publish yet it may still dissapear on me after typing all this fingers crossed