I was reading on of @LizT replies about how guilty she felt as a child for wanting to crossdress. Most of us started crossdressing as children. For many of us this was an innocent exploration. I remember swapping nightwear with my sister when I was really young. We thought is was hilarious parading in front of our parent, me in a nightie and her in PJs - our parents did not!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that our first forays into crossdressing are really us just being kids. Exploring different parts of our personalities. I spent more time up a tree pretending to be Tarzan than in my sisters clothes when I was really young. It is all done in complete innocence.
But as we grow we become defined by social norms. You learn it's OK to pretend to be Tarzan as a boy but not to like girls clothes. There was nothing sexual - I was too young - it was just fun. I liked girls clothes just as I liked to pretend to be Tarzan.
As we grow up we learn that dressing as a girl is not acceptable. We start to feel this shame and guilt. I still don't know what made me start again - I knew it was wrong in societies eye but I just couldn't stop. I went through a myriad of feelings - Did I want to be a girl, was I gay (I didn't have a girlfriend but I liked girls), what if I got caught - it was tough to have these secret desires, something you couldn't share or talk about because by the time you reached an age where you were conscious that it wasn't acceptable it was too late. The secret gets buried deep and you try to stop.
I know we've had the discussion about society not accepting us as crossdressers. We (as a society) are educated from a young age that it is wrong. We aren't born to think it is wrong it's just society that makes it that way. It is changing but slowly.
But really the point I'm trying to make is that maybe there is something inside us that just likes 'feminine' things as we all naturally have things we like and dislike. We're not taught to like girls clothes (unless you are a girl) in fact we're taught exactly the opposite. It's just us being totally innocent and doing something that appeals when we are young and know no different. It is us doing something true to ourselves. It's not manufactured, Christ who would opt to crossdress knowing all the pain and hurt it might cause.
We start in all innocence and then pay the price later. In effect society is punishing a child for doing something they enjoy.
Katie x
I hear what you say about wanting to touch the lingerie in m&s as a kid. But 40 years later there you are in John Lewis in the womenswear department and there’s a whole new dimension to the experience. You love it and you’re nervous and on edge at the same time. You furtively admire the clothes, row upon row of dresses, blouses, skirts, trousers, mind boggling variety, colours, fabrics. You go from one concession to another, trying to look casual and unimpressed, and the styles and fabrics change, the women customers seem to be collectively enjoying the experience. You imagine being able to wear these clothes at leisure and trying to match them with shoes and accessories. Then you reluctantly leave this wonderland and go to menswear, most of the blokes look embarrassed to be holding boring trousers and boring jackets against their bodies, it’s painful and awkward. It’s like the opposite of narcissism...it’s clothes pessimism. Then you leave and secretly congratulate yourself, thank fuck I’m a crossdresser! Erm, more wine please...