I’ve taken an article written by someone else and elaborated on it a bit here as it needed a bit more explaining in places..
Crossdressing isn’t a new concept, it’s been around for centuries, and it’s still going strong today! Probably stronger than we realise.
Men cross-dress for many different reasons and within these reasons no crossdresser has the exact same reason or not the exact same percentage in that reason as the next crossdresser.
This makes the Question “Why Do Men Crossdress??” unanswerable as it can’t cover everyone, but who really want’s to know Why Men Crossdress? What most want to know is:
Why do I crossdress?
Why does my bf partner / husband crossdress?
Less interested in the full concept and question most just ponder on why they like to indeed sometimes need to dress up as a woman and a wife will want to know what the motivation is and what their husbands do when crossdressed? Can they stop? Why do they do it?
So, there is no one answer to why all men who crossdress, crossdress, as each man will have slightly different reasons or as above similar reasons but to a different degree than the next man if that makes sense.
Some people are born with gender dysphoria but this may not be something that affects most crossdressers.
Crossdressing is sometimes a way we can escape our male lives - It doesn’t make sense does it but it can ease stress and be a form of escapism from our males lives temporarily and we can find it fun to escape into character, to wear womens clothing even to try makeup and a wig and try to pass as a woman and act differently to how we front up as men..
Some men are attracted to aspects of femininity and just love women and womens fashon.
Speaking for myself as the Admin for this forum I love femininity, love women, womens clothing and womens fashion, how it feels on my skin and how it looks and varies and like how I look as “Davina”.
Dressing up behind closed doors and in private as a woman helps us explore this feminine side of ourselves without feeling judged by society.
It’s something that the male character we’ve built which to an extent we hide behind isn’t allowed to express openly in two ways
We are men, we’re not supposed to show any hint of a feminine side
We crossdress and have to hide the fact we crossdress expressing our feminine side in an ultra fashion as if making up for not showing our softer side in a big bang all or nothing
Ever heard the phrase of ‘being in touch with his femininity’... It’s used a a joke or as a derogatory term towards a man who shows even the least bit of femininity, a pink short, a shirt with flowers on it, even talking womens fashion “Oh look at him he’s in touch with his feminine side” que laughter..
Most of us put up a macho maleness to this, born from how we were brought up to be MEN mainly by our fathers trying to being up a just, fair and strong man and to an extent our mothers trying to mould a polite young man.. Through male friends we’re competing to be Macho, the Alpha male of the pack, good at sports, good at fighting… and not show what is termed feminine traits and weakness - which is such a sexist thing to say,
Feelings and any type of femininity locked away in the public eye.
This isn’t healthy and we need a form of escapism and from a young age some of us found that escapism in womens clothing, most commonly our mothers clothing.
Why not golf or some other hobby?
Why not crossdressing? what harm does it do? … apart from laddering a pair of your mums tights…
We get something from it … Not perverted or hyper-sexualised, (although some do)
Most just find an inexplicable quality mental health stress busting magic for want of a better way to describe what we get from it.
We can’t explain it and we can’t expect anyone to understand the “Magic”
Reasons for cross-dressing vary.
Some people do it because they enjoy the social aspect,
Others want to wear womens clothing and do nothing else.
Some wear womens clothing, makeup and a wig and try to look female
Some do it as a form of sexual gratification,
Some feel sexy when crossdressed something they may not feel as men,
Others enjoy crossdressing and keep doing it because they like how it makes them feel.
Some love the feel of womens clothing
Some find it fun to transform from rugged male to look and feel more feminine,
Some get stress relief from escapism from their male life temporarily
Some find all of the above or just some of the above and some have other reasons and as explained in all the above men do it like it want it needs it to differing extents.
“Need it” is the interesting part.. Speaking for myself I need to crossdress.
I like doing it, I like how I look, how I feel as Davina and it helps me de-stress, it sometimes turns me on, makes me feel sexy and sometimes I don’t want to change back but as I have to keep it secret from everyone apart from my wife hiding “Davina” from others is necessary.
It has replaced contact sport, it’s my escapism from my male life, the male front I put on and a release from stress.
I like how I feel when I’m crossdressed, when I’m “Davina”..
My wife sees a change in me, says I’m nicer.. I didn’t understand this for a number of years but now feel maybe the more chilled and relaxed Davina is more who I am.. Not a woman just a more feminine side to me that i tuck away as a man. Who knows?
It’s not uncommon for us to feel more confident, more relaxed, happier, to feel pretty or sexy.
As an example I must have a transformation mentally as well as how I look physically - I feel different, more relaxed, letting down my barriers, trying to look as convincing as possible and to an extent acting the part of a woman in mannerisms, the way I walk and talk.
Many men are attracted to femininity but can’t express their feelings freely as men and I don’t mean can’t as in we cannot express our feelings, we can easily express our feelings but we’re subconsciously taught not to as it’s not the expected manly thing to do and is seen as a weakness.. No wonder mental health of some men is so shot.
I keep mentioning this and its no wonder a lot of crossdressers are in jobs or roles which people wouldn’t expect to crossdress.. We hide it behind a more macho appearance, macho attitude, but is that really who we are? Do some think us arrogant, big headed self centred etc as men for that character we portray?
Inside we’re different and those who know us as Men would have no idea or expectation that we can we use crossdressing as escapism.
Dressing up as the other sex somehow helps us let down our barriers behind closed doors and hidden from everyone even wives and girlfriends and we explore this side of ourselves without feeling judged by society, loved ones, friends and collegues.. And most of us from a young age.
Some of us eventually come out to a loved one usually a girlfriend or a wife .. Then we don’t entirely feel we’re not judged when a partner or loved one knows we crossdress, we worry how our partners and loved ones really feel and worry that they’re just saying they’re ok with us crossdressing as they love us, but deep down they’d rather we didn’t dress as women and wish we’d stop.. We continue to worry about our partners and loved ones feelings about us being on the Trans spectrum and I’m not sure this is ever fully resolved in our heads.
We continually want to reassure our wives and girlfriends that our crossdressing is not a threat to our relationship, that it helps us and its something we need to do.
Admitting to yourself its something you need to do is something to be accepted.. Continuing to questing “Why do I crossdress” just creates your own turmoil so forget the why and just accept it.. You like to do it so why question it just get on with it.
There are some aspects of crossdressing that everyone can agree on.
For instance, We wear the things we like to see women wear and wear things we wish our wives and girlfriends would wear or used to wear but stopped wearing. That unwritten rule “You’re not allowed to question why your wife no longer wears matching lingerie, stockings and high heels”
You can get your head bitten off for suggesting it and dare not buy these items for her.. This is a much bigger question than “Why do Men Crossdress?”... “Why do Women not dress?”
Some Women anyway - Speaking from experience and I hope she won’t mind me saying this but my Wife Esme, for whatever reason, despite matching lingerie and stockings and heels being a big thing for me, a big turn on .. She won’t wear them…
Crossdressing is just one way some men choose to express themselves.
Here’s a few reasons the original poster reasons why some men decide to cross-dress
1. Fashion
Fashion can be a large part of crossdressing for men.
Women have a far nicer selection of fabrics that feel nice on the skin and a larger design of clothing and more vibrant colours than mens clothing.
This is an extension of the desire to try on different costumes and roles in daily life for some, wearing what we like to see women wearing, what we’re attracted to as a look on women.
For others, like drag queens or professional performers, it can be a means of earning a living.
Unisex fashions have been a growing trend in the last decade but mainly towards allowing women to wear more traditionally male clothing.
They allow men to wear some clothes once considered “women’s only,” such as skirts although it’s rare to find a brave guy in a man-skirt.
2. Love for the other gender
Many men cross-dress because they admire women.
According to a Ph.D., “Crossdressers desire the look, feel and to smell a fragrance and try on “female” garments as well as everything else associated with women as they love women.”
Some men enjoy dressing in their wife’s or girlfriend’s clothing when she is not around.
Alternatively, some men enjoy cross-dressing when their wife is present and like the confirmation that their wife or girlfriend is ok with crossdressing.
For others, crossdressing fulfills a need to feel beautiful or sexy or feminine.
Men are taught that only women are beautiful from a very early age.
We strive to be passable and attractive not to attract but for our own self esteem to look good as a woman.
Not to attract but any positive comments on how we look as women are a massage to our female personas ego. Its nice to be told you look good or sexy as a “woman”
It’s amazing for the ego to be told we look passable, or even pretty by our partners or anyone commenting on a photo of us crossdressed.
We do feel pretty and feminine when crossdressed it’s a total escape and if someone tells us we look nice or even attractive its a boost to our ego as some of us don’t feel attractive as men.
For some men the transformation can feel amazing.
3. Sexual attraction
For some men, cross-dressing is a form of sexual expression.
We feel aroused when wearing female clothing and get a thrill out of it.
Stimulated by the idea of being female in appearance or feeling the fabrics against our skin.
This is called autogynephilia.
Some crossdressers are straight, some bi-curious or bisexual, some are Gay but no more than in society in general in terms of sexuality some enjoy dressing in women’s clothing for sexual pleasure.
These crossdressers are said to have ‘transvestic fetishism’.
A lot of crossdressers will masturbate while they are dressed and achieve orgasm by getting off on being crossdressed, wearing things they love women to wear or even want their wives to wear but never get to experience their wife wearing… things such as sexy lingerie, stockings and high heels, red lipstick.
Hand up yes I’ve masterbated a lot when crossdressed.. My first ever erection and orgasm i was crossdressed many many years ago.
4. For relaxation (The Magic)
We magically and inexplicably find cross-dressing to be a very relaxing activity. It can relieve stress, anxiety, and depression.
We can become completely absorbed in applying makeup and transforming into what we hope is as passable as possible as a woman and just being feminine which is a release from the masculine front we’ve built.
Maybe the more feminie escape is closer to the real person we are with the layers of masculinity added over time to please others or to portray what’s expected of us as men.
We can enjoy the feeling of letting go when they are in women’s clothing, make up a wig etc.
We can temporarily forget about our male responsibility or what’s causing us stress in our lives and can somehow relax.
Men who have demanding jobs or complicated relationships may find it a relief to retreat into our feminine alter-ego.
“What can I do to escape and relax?” I’ve heard women say and I don’t have the answers to that here but women are more likely to talk about their stress and their feelings and don’t bottle it up like men.
Being in a supportive and accepting environment is very important for cross-dressing be it a supporting partner or someone else even someone anonymous like this forum or an on line group or chat room where you can talk or chat with others.
Any stress or anxiety we may be feeling can be alleviated with encouragement from a partner or friends.
It gives a real escape from life’s pressures that we can’t otherwise achieve.
This reason differs from person to person, depending on the stressors of their lives.
5. Expression of gender identity
Gender Identity is a complex concept for people to come to terms with.
We’re men, we’re husbands and our wives married a man, we’re fathers (some of us) and our children expect us to be men.
So we’re stuck mainly having to be the man we’re expected to be despite the urges that come and go to want to crossdress and escape being that man.
In the past, it was assumed that if a boy played with dolls or dressed in his mother’s clothes, he would become homosexual.
Yet, many of these boys grew up to be heterosexual men that still crossdress as adults.
We now read that people who crossdress are expressing their gender identity and there are multiple labels within the Trans spectrum.
We see wearing women’s clothing, makeup and presenting female as an opportunity to express ourselves in a way society doesn’t usually allow or understand and many of us don’t understand this ourselves. Who cares! It’s harmless.. Lifes too short to worry about crossdressing!!
A way we can supercharge our feminine side after bottling and blocking the feminine side we all have in favour of fronting the masculine side - Crossdressing becomes the supercharged way of letting the cork out of the bottled up feelings and emotions maybe expressing our feminine side by crossdressing.
6. Release of emotions
Many men who cross-dress do so to hide the fact that they are unhappy, stressed out and depressed.
Society expects men to be masculine, strong individuals and to act a certain way.
Men who feel as though society pressures them into this lifestyle put on a fake smile in public, even a fake persona and for some of us this becomes a permanent persona we have to upkeep but the truth is we’re are not always entirely happy in our male lives and with out male persona but being men we hide this.
Women are better at talking about their feelings than men.. Men tend to bottle feelings and emotions up.
We can feel trapped in a set male identity, and a male expectation, how we should dress and how we should behave, unable to express how we really feel because of the fear of society thinking less of us as men…. And it’s stupid.
We enjoy dressing as women because it breaks us from this lifestyle as escapism.
7. To communicate with other people.
Communication is a part of all relationships, and cross-dressing can be a helpful tool in understanding people.
It’s great we have the internet, can you imagine how isolated you’d feel as a crossdresser or the partner of a crossdresser without the internet?
8. Fantasy or idealization of women / femininity
Fantasy or idealization is a big part of crossdressing for some.
It’s a way to explore a different facet of their personality or even the female side.
A man might want to wear women’s clothes because he finds them beautiful and feminine.
Thats look we like for women the little black dress, stockings and heels, the immaculate makeup and nice hair.
9. For fun
Fun is the most simplistic reason why men crossdress.
Some people enjoy dressing up in women’s clothing and have no other reason behind it.. it’s just fun!
Men might also use their female alter ego for different purposes.
Perhaps to explore what it would be like to feel more feminine or sexy and liking how this feels.
Some do so to become an idealized version of themselves or as above women without society’s judgment.
10. To fit in?
A man might find that he enjoys dressing up as the opposite sex but does not wish to hide it.
Most men are content with their biological gender but still want to wear female clothing.
For some men, wearing women’s clothes in public is a way to challenge the traditional notion.
Often, these men will dress up and wear clothes in their everyday lives.
11. Crossdressing as a stepping stone to ‘transition’ to live as a woman?
As this blog covers mainly Crossdressing this is probably not where most of us are heading and knowing less about this I tend to steer clear of exploring and commenting on transitioning - It’s also one of Esmes initial questions “Does this mean you want to become a woman? A sex change?”
No but i’d not say no to being Davina more often and for longer and not having to rush to change back sometimes when I need to be “Davina” I’m ok with returning to being a man, husband, father and I agree with women it is easier in the societal view of life to be a man than to be a woman.
Transitioning to life as a woman has gained much more attention than crossdressing which is still frowned upon where transitioning to becoming a woman is more and more accepted.
Recently however in TVChix chat a woman brought up issue with toilets.. Feeling unsafe in a toilet with a Trans person covering anything from a Crossdresser out in public using the loo or even someone who has transitioned.
This is another post I’ll cover but it highlighted to me even a supportive woman on a T-girl website holds a phobia around Trans people in certain circumstances.
It is important to note that most men do not fit this pattern, we don’t want to transition and we are not a threat in any way to women and it is only relevant to a small percentage.
Conclusion
The posters original post is in here somewhere but I’ve elaborated a lot.
Hyper masculinity has a lot to answer for.. Our Male stress levels are due to hypermasculinity.
We use crossdressing to escape this.
Maybe when we drop the male persona this is the real us a more feminine side.
It’s a harmless escape and talking about it helps a lot.
Davina