By: Davina

Subject: Discovering he's a Crossdresser

I’m so happy that we’re seeing more cases where wives and girlfriends are more open minded about Crossdressing chuffed to read that this blog has helped even if it’s just a little bit.

I will never be able to normalise Crossdressing nor will I be able to cover everything here as there remain many reasons for crossdressing and “the Urge” to crossdress.

For the most part in my experience myself and in others I’ve chatted to on line its a harmless though strange behaviour which we cannot fully explain to ourselves let alone to our wives and girlfriends and we’re at the left of the Trans spectrum with Trans people to the right not even getting why we crossdress.

However Sindy is correct for some it’s more than a bit of fun, this is why honest open conversations (or texts) are essential if you want to make a marriage work (not only Crossdressing but everything in a relationship – its not healthy to keep secrets or bottle things up).

You may be mind blown for some time but you also may have thoughts that he dresses up every time your back is turned which may not be the case as the urge comes and goes.

It is good to see some communication and in time it may become easier to talk about (yes do remember to delete your texts about him crossdressing lo just in case someone reads your texts).

It freaked my wife out to read (as I wrote to her about my dressing initially) I used to wear my Mums things but it’s the most likely start to a Crossdressers “Career” as a Crossdresser and the most accessible clothing when young.

So cool that you took Alex shopping. I remember doing this with my wife also and she also bought me a bag full of goodies after Christmas one year including a wig, hosiery, lingerie and makeup of my own and since has given me hand me down dresses she was discarding. It is embarrassing buying yourself womens clothes and I have been in a position where a sales assistant has said “Is it for you?… “That will suit you” and I’ve always said “yes” or “yes I hope so”, knowing full well they don’t believe me.. and if they do so what!

I like the fact you revelled in his embarrassment. Lol.

The erection in the lingerie department knowing you’re buying sexy lingerie for yourself is something I’ve experienced also (blush). We seem to have a thing for sexy lingerie, stockings and heels .. which we’d rather see on our wives but as we’ve discovered women seem to be going for comfort more than glamour so maybe our crossdressing in this example is compensation for not having our wives wear these sexy items of clothing to a certain extent.

I bet he is feeling guilt and ashamed as I went through this also until I got my head around it and after lots of conversations with my wife to our current level of acceptance and I still get a bit of guilt sometimes although I don’t know why any more.

Having bought things of his own I bet he is dying to try things on .. I remember my wife buying me that goody bag I asked if it was ok if I disappeared upstairs to try things on which she agreed and I did quickly then came down to thank her again.

He will want to try the things on but will also not want to upset you or worry you.

Good luck your head will stop spinning soon.

On the subject of trying to look like your wife or GF my wifes brunette I’m blonde and I’ve always gone for the blonde look. Does it worry you if he’s trying to look like you? Maybe ask him why he’s trying to look like you? See what he says. I don’t try to look like anyone I just try to look as convincing as possible, that’s part of the attraction for dressing and the fun / enjoyment to try to make myself look as convincing as possible which in turn makes me feel sexy.. I have no idea why crossdressing has this effect on me maybe it’s my self esteem as a bloke which needs this escapism as I don’t lack in confidence .. for me a lot of it boils down to stress relief from work and other things in life in general. (Nothing winning the lottery wouldn’t cure… But I bet I’d still crossdress).

Sindy will keep you level headed and warn you of the over eager crossdresser as we say give a crossdresser an inch he will want to take a mile as we can be over eager with any sign of acceptance but Alex be mindful not to push too far.

Crossdressers have formed an unusual attachment to what are essentially just material things as Sindy says and we have burdened you with this secret thing we do but I would not agree with the statement about no business getting married as we’re essentially normal men mostly alpha male types who just happen to enjoy crossdressing but would agree if there is more to it than occassional crossdressing then you have no business getting married if the guy intended becoming a fully fledged transexual or transvestite… sounds harsh and some TV / TS may disagree with me and some may never have intended transitioning or living as a woman when they started dressing but it developed that way (Alex this is you’re cue to reassure her you’ve no intention of or have never considered that you’re a TV or TS) There is a massive gulf between Crossdresser and someone living as a woman essentially.

Resentment at some point may build. But if Alex has explained it as well as he can and you have an understanding of when he can dress you wont have to need to leave the house so he can dress. I’m sure he will have ample opportunity to dress when you’re not home.

We’re not happier away from you, we don’t wish you were out so we can dress up… but it does feel nice when we get the opportunity to dress home alone. I’ve never wished my wife would go out so I can dress up we just bide our time for the right moment. We can go cold turkey. I’m lucky that we’ve had a few girls nights in where I’ve dressed with my wife at home with the kids staying at babysitters.

Wives everywhere are making sacrifices so the men in their lives can indulge peculiar habits or whatever and likewise men make sacrifices and that how a relationship works… Even the simple things like women watching soaps, cooking programs, and other such trash TV unless there’s sport on of course then the Alpha male needs the remote!

Perhaps men do cling to childhood habits.. Sport mad, support their teams (cant miss a match) and love Star wars even into our middle ages.. some are into motorbikes and cars (weirdos)

Sindy again is right how do you comprehend why an otherwise sensible, intelligent man would let his life be complicated with crossdressing

Sindys brain still falls out because we say crossdressing is fun and relaxing and we do sometimes need it to help unwind and escape being “blokes” occassionally

Sindy again is right communication here is key and a hand break if the crossdressing becomes an obsession (I think this rare) and especially if there is more to it than mere occassional dressing up for the fun of it .. if it starts to affect you hold up the red flag and say slow down.

A good message to Alex from Katie “Remember that your wife has taken a great step in accepting your crossdressing. Do not abuse this trust, learn to control your dressing and above all remember to treat her as the number one woman in your life”

Sindy isn’t negative she just keeps it real from a wifes perspective and it’s nice to read her type “The act of crossdressing really isn't the big issue it’s weird and a bit of a turn off, but it wasn't a deal breaker”

My wife says I’m nicer when I’m crossdressed .. I don’t get how I’m different I’m still me but she says I am different so must be but I don’t behave different or go OTT with crossdressing.. I can control my urge and I’m sure so can Alex. I wonder how often he feels the need to dress? And motives?

Wives should never let it affect them mentally or affect their own self respect, esteem and confidence as Crossdressing isn’t something which is affected by them.. It’s something we do and have done before meeting our wives so like I told my wife my crossdressing started years before I met her so it’s not her fault and should not worry her or make her self conscious or affect how she feels about herself.

We do ADORE our wives and we fret and worry and feel so much guilt for being crossdressers and putting you through this sharing of our deepest secret but at the same time its part of us an important part maybe to a certain level but unimportant in the grand scheme of things.. We may try to stop doing it but it can return any time the urge.

Katie is spot on we are men first, husbands and alpha males and crossdressers somewhere down the list after DIY experts, gardeners, engineers and other professions, sportsmen, barbequeres, painter and decorators, waiters, fathers, etc etc and crossdressing is only a small part of our personality but maybe its the part you don’t recognise as a trait you see in us that you like until we say “I’m a Crossdresser” then the fashion sense and the advice on makeup all makes sense lol.

Keep in contact and keep talking (texting)..