All very philosophical and wow £100 lingerie his cost me £15 for Valentine's day lol

Correct you dress and then your mind does becomes so engrossed in what you are doing that you can forget you are dressed.

I once got up and was by the front door and almost answered it forgetting I was crossdressed frozen hoping the person couldnt see i was there thru the frosted glass in the front door.

The other thing is you dress then engrossed in work time flys and you're looking at your watch thinking oh i've got to get dressed back before i get the kids from school and sometimes the urge isnt settled. The most annoying is having to dress then change back to get kids knowing esmes is taking them up her Nans and if i didnt have to pick them up from school I could prolong dressing a few hours more but can never be bothered to get dressed again.

Sometimes i'll work from hom decide to dress then weigh up how long a project may take and think right might as well undress now after say an hour dressed so i can crack on with the project on my laptop without having to stop to undress.. waste of makeup.

I'm a football coach I can't stand the fake bravado of the other coaches when were together r even on the chat group we're all in as coaches. all fake bravado.. i wonder who else in our group is a crossdresser. lol.

I'm not a bloke.. i hate going out just men and far prefer to go out in couples and then usually find im chatting more to the women than the men in the group hence my wifes friends have called me one of the girls and ive been out on "girls nights with them" ... Not as Davina lol

I bet most men have tried on lingerie for a cheap thrill.

You can feel invisible as a man when out we're all pretty much dressed the same i guess as a t girl out you feel visible as you know you aint a woman and hope no one else thinks that.

£100 lingerie ... I prefer bargains in Primark Asda and Tesco lol

Crossdressing is great for stress relief.. I may dress working from home Thursday and it will be relaxing and de-stress me for a bit.. not as much as a girls night in with Esme dressed not working thats better stress relief.

Being on the spectrum itself contributes to a subtle underlying stress at certain times in a crossdressers life when guilt is a factor but when you rid yourself of that crossdressing causing stress isnt a factor any more.

I’m more inclined to dress when stressed, I still notice that even when not knowingly stressed I notice a noteable calmness when I do dress also and Esme notices change in me saying im nicer to her when im crossdressed.

Why does it feel good? Who cares … stop worrying the answer is it just does.

What makes me think most men are putting on a front? - Most men put up a bravado front its male human nature to stick out the chest boast and want to be the Alpha in the pack. Then you see the same men one to one and see a different side to your friends or work collegues … in the pack different to one to one.

I do think I look better female than male and feel sexier dressed as “Davina”

Why do I feel presenting as female makes me look better?

I dont feel sexy as a man I feel average looking but as Davina wearing things I like on women some of which I wish Esme would wear like the lingerie and stockings and heels I feel sexy. I like how I look as “Davina” I get turned on by it.

Most men would hate to see themselves dressed as a woman most men stick to the straight lines of society but I also think most men or more men that we think have tried something on.

So what differentiates us from them? Not a lot we tried things on liked it and carried on and ran with it..

Going out I had zero nerves which surprised me to an extent as I got ready Esme gave the nod I looked ok and off I went out the door down the corridor, in the lift and out of the hotel into the street.. confidence maybe. It was a new high compared to 30 years dressing behind closed doors and curtains now face to face with people outside it was a high, a buzz.

Do I know why it does that for me? Yes it was something I never thought id ever do or that Esme would do with me it was exciting thinking about it planning it and doing it.

What does getting out add to the high ? It wasn’t much more than just getting out it was getting out after facing 4 walls for 30 years as Davina stepping out as a “Woman” was a first not comparable to going out as dudes lol.

I wasnt looking for attention in fact the opposite I wanted to blend in .. Esme did say what if someone chats you or us up and id thought of that buying cheap rings akin to engagement and wedding rings which I had on which is a repeller of men “Married Fk off” lol

Being seen was part of it but being seen and not noticed as a man was the buzz.

I do think I "look better female than male and feel sexier dressed" esme wouldnt like that lol she obviously thinks the opposite about me but yeah it makes me feel good … its fun.

Why do women not go around on a high presenting their own femininity? Some do most dont.. society had changed in this regard where most women dress down less likely to put on makeup etc these days as too busy running the house, working and running about after the kids.

A lot of women experience only occasionally dressing up or dolling themselves up.

For a lot their baseline experience, their normal daily state of being is making minimal effort with makeu, flat shoes yadda yadda yadda and its an occasion when they slap on the red lippy and the heels like us.. I’ve dressed twicein 2019 in a dress and Esme has probably worn a dress once in 2019 so far.. !Je Despare!,

so I feel more and more getting dolled up makes them feel special (like us) and is a high for them.

Esme? Emma? Hannah? Rebecca? Sindy? Do you feel a high when you get to dress up and take time to do your makeup and hair for a night out?

100% male – Thats the fascade we project knocking off percentage is the real us we cant be 100% Alpha all of the time we’d explode.

But then consider the camp man camp and adrift of 100% male to the societal definition but still probably not a crossdresser.. Ive read a lot about the 100% man more likely to be a tgirl or crossdresser in a stressful job… with no adams apple and long eye lashes lol

Davina

I agree about the stress relief thing. I do wonder though whether being on the spectrum itself contributes to a subtle underlying stress that we don't really notice until it is relieved. I know that although I am more inclined to dress when stressed, I still notice that even when not knowingly stressed I notice a noteable calmness when I do dress that I seldom ever experience to that extent (i.e. even when I do not consider myself stressed).

"yeah, this feels right" versus "that feels nice / fun / relaxing". I'm not sure those are very different semantically, just differen expressions of he same joy of it. The question is: *why* does it feel good?

You say: " it is a nice release of the male persona the front we put on ". Interesting. What makes you think most men are putting on a front?

You say: " I think I look better female than male and feel sexier dressed as “Davina” than male me but maybe thats also linked to my like of femininity and liking my reflection in the mirror ".

Yes, but *why* do you feel presenting as female makes you look better (not all men do). All (straight) men love femininity (and seeing it - they are *attracted* to it), but not all men therefore decide to dress up as feminine beings. Most men would hate to see themselves like that (and consider it a thing of ridicule) and prefer to look masculine Its clearly more than an appreciation of femininity. otherwise all men would be doing it (rather than less than 1% of us). So what differentiates us from them? Appreciating a look and wanting to look like that oneself are two very, very different things.

Its interesting you say that going out gives you a new high. Do you know why it does that for you? I mean, what does getting out add to the high (it must be more than "just getting out" because we do that all the time as dudes). For me, asking *why* is an important question. I think for me, getting out (apart from the lovely experences/attention I get) is about being seen (i.e. a thing of expression). Perhaps even a little bit of exhibitionism. Given that we all do our best to "pass" (blend in) which actually works *against* being an exhibitionist (blending), then exhibitionism can't have anything to do with standing out per se, otherwise why try to "pass"?. But standing out by feeling attractive does. Hence this is one reason why I veer towards the attractor theory; its about feeling more attractive than as a dude (as you say, you . "look better female than male and feel sexier dressed"), so of course it makes you feel good.. So why do women not go around on a high presenting their own femininity? Simply because what we experience only occasionally, that is their baseline experience, their normal daily state of being, so not a high for them. We get the kick because of its contrast to our (different) baseline experience.

I think what often confuses discussion is that the term "gender" is often misunderstood. It has nothing at all to do with our biological sex. But it also has nothing necessarily to do with wanting to be a woman; most of us don't. Its about who you already are (and if true to that, how that manifests as degrees of feminine/masculine expression). Similarly, the terms "male" and "female" are overloaded with multiple semantics, meaning both biological sex and also meaning gender. Biological is (more) binary (intersex aside); gender much more a spectrum.

For example: in gender terms, who is 100% male - is it a muscle bound, deep voiced, combats-wearing, hummer driving, muscle bound, gun-toting body builder? Most of the male population are way less masculine than that (but biologically still ~100% male). In reality we are *all* on a gender spectrum; transgenderism is just (for men) gender leaning even more towards the feminine than usual. If you go beyond a certain point in how you like to look (even part time), you are by definition transgender. Its no big deal, it is just one aspect of the whole person that we are.

Not sure if I’d call it Gender Euphoria but there’s definitely a nice feeling when you know you have an opportunity to crossdress and when crossdressing. I suppose it is an “Intense High” sometimes especially dressing for the first time in ages.

I have dressed for years and still get this “Euphoria” when I know I can dress.

I’m not going through any andropause, menopause or a change of life but do frequently suffer stress of work sometimes brought on by myself and the want to be the best in my profession and sometimes have been a bit depressed.

Crossdressing helps … somehow.

The intensity of this high hasn’t diminished over time for me but I have sought additional bucket list stimulation in going out in public which was ok better if my knee wasnt knackered making me think I’ll have to try again when fit… maybe a better wig more shoulder length and managable.

Prolonging the cross dressing experience isn’t something I have opportunity to do a few hours here and there is all thats available and usually enough although working from home sometimes isn’t fulfilling and I’ve changed back after an hour or so, so engrossed in work might as well be dressed back as a bloke.

I never ever feel that this is “who they really am” inside or desire to continue in the opposite gender role full time as the urge diminishes when I’ve had my fill or top up of the “Gender Euphoria” then change back happily relaxed.

I do not nor have I ever considered the need for talking to a counselor or therapist. I’ve found talking to my wife, other wives and other crossdressers good enough.

For me after 30 years of crossdressing to some extent or another gender euphoria is a million million miles away in the process of transition which has never ever crossed my mind.. why would I crossdressing for me is fun not serious I have everything I ever wanted in wife and kids good job house car etc etc .

I must produce endorphins when I crossdress as it does temporarily control stress.

Exercise is the other cure for my stress when I get in the mood for it and playing a lot of sport used to control my stress and aggression back when I used to crossdress but not often a handfull of times per year.

The act of cross dressing does help treat depression and I do use it as a form of self-prescribed therapy or escapism fro stress.

I used to feel guilt for crossdressing and I agree it can lead to some form of depression or in other words angst when you want to talk to your wife but cant due to the fear of upsetting her or clamming up.

I hope my life is pretty much in order and I am using cross dressing for an occasional release of tension and stress and the fun of it.

Crossdressing is a positive in my life.

Picking up on Debs "yeah, this feels right" kind of thing.. I don’t feel that way. It’s more of a hobby a thing I do I dont think yeah this feels right just feels nice / fun / relaxing.

Getting out in public for me was something I never imagined id do or want to do and it was taking that high to the next level bored with dressing in doors exciting being out and seen no longer hiding.. well hiding from people who we know who cares what people we dont know thinks.

I had absolutely no fear and nerves going out but think Esme did.. makeup done dress on etc look as good as I was gonna look then left the hotel room and out of the hotel no fear.

I think I lookbetter female than male and feel sexier dressed as “Davina” than male me but maybe thats also linked to my like of femininity and liking my reflection in the mirror lol.

It’s not at all about gender expression for me (we’re all different) it’s not the "me inside" Davina isn’t a person or an alter ego just a name used to define crossdressing for a screen name or profile name a point of reference.

Esme says I’m nicer when I dress so maybe I do act different. Davina doesnt get extra hugs from Davina though she says its weird to hug me and feel tits pressing against her lol.

I am not female inside. I may dress to look like a woman but not a woman inside still the bloke.

I don’t feel more comfortable presenting as female but it is a nice release of the male persona the front we put on to be the Alpha male.

What does it say about me that I crossdress.. I’ve given up worrying I just do it I am a crossdresser it says nothing about me. If I had a less stressful job wasnt married with kids I think id still crossdress to about the same extent as its a fun thing I dont feel its a more preferable look .. I’m a man born a man am a man.

It would be nice to present how I feel when I feel it but its not practical and I get the urge which comes and goes,, sometimes opportunity to dress but not the want or urge and sometimes no opportunity but a strong urge to unwind.

I dont want to progress or live as a woman just like to dress 10-12 times per year 20 times would be a record and thats enough to feed my urge.

Gender identity is complex, but simple im a man and I crossdress why ……. who cares?

Does it feel better to present as female? Sometimes but happy to return to male me when the urge is over.

Over-analysing - it just spoils the fun but then the thousands of posts here wouldn’t be here “Why do men crossdress… who cares?” The end of the forum lol

Yes, I agree that dressing has ups and downs for many and that it can have an overall positive impact on ones life, so long as it does not come at too much cost.

I understand what you say about the dressing "high", but I think it is very different from the endorphine rush of exercise.The high of exercise just does not feel the same as the feeling of dressing up. the exercise high is more of a "yeah, I'm ready to do anything now, full of energy!", whereas a gender high is much subtler and more of a "yeah, this feels right" kind of thing. There is a deeper psychological impact that is hard to describe when presenting as female. Many people talk of the "calm" and relaxation effects, and these too are present, but it is still more than that and a more psychological calm than a physical one. I'm not sure I agree that getting out in public is to take that high to the next level. It definitely was not my drive to get out, in fact, my experience was the opposite; I was always terrified of getting out onto a high street. My first time out to Southampton City Centre on a busy day was utter, unimaginable fear from beginning to end. No, it definitely was not driven by chasing the high. For me, it was about wishing to feel unconstrained, to be able to present how i wished. I thought I looked better female than male, but was fully aware that others may not share my opinion and that may even ridicule me. So no, I was not chasing a high, but suffering fear as a necessary step to liberation. (All supported by a very good friend). Subseqent trips out however got easier, though I still had to push myself, though less so each time. Ultimately, for me, I think it was all about gender expression. Its about expressing the "me inside". What do I mean by that? Well, when I present as female, I believe others make assumptions about me that are more accurate than when I present as male. People are nicer to me, women chat, hugs come more freely. Women generally have to be careful giving strange guys hugs (often rightfully so) careful not to lead them on, but they'll hug me as my presentation (rightly) says "I'm no threat. I'm not predatory". I think that this is where the calm primarily comes from; in knowing that you are portraying an accurate relection of oneself. How I choose to present says something about how I want others to make assumptions about me, to better reflect who I am. When I dress. their interaction with me is a better refection of who I am. There are certain looks I would not adopt as a male (e.g. I'm not a violent thug; so I would not dress like a stereotypical Millwall fan, with a bald head, combats and a pitbull, as I would be horrified of what assumptions people would make and how they would likely interact with me). When I dress I convey a better reflection of me, Does that make me "female inside"? Well, that can be for others to decide (and that debate will never end), but for me its a moot point - I really don't care. But expressing my identity, who I am, choosing how to look, is of course expressing who I am. So it is definitely expression. And as the clothes I choose and my makeup and wig are catagorised in the female gender "box", then they are clearly to do with gender. So its hard to argue that what I do is anything other that an expression of gender identity. I don't think gender identity is about "I am female inside and I know it", it is about presenting as either male or female that most accurately describes how you feel about yourself. Do you feel more comfortable presenting as female? If so, why do you feel more comfortable doing so? Because it says things about you? Then that is your gender identity (even if you are ok presenting as male much of the time). Practicalities and real life complictions aside, which presentation feels better to you? It is all too easy to be influenced by societal norms for all sorts of reasons and to be "ok" with presenting as male too sometimes, but is that not simply to make life easier rather than a purer preference? I think for me, it is. Don't think that you have to be committed to full-time dressing, hormones or surgery in any way if your gender identity is female. I think that many shy away from admitting their gender identity as it keeps them psychologically distanced from it going too far (at least in their mind), even (or particularly) as they see their trans activities progress (and most do tend to want to progress - most eventually want to get out for example). But conversely I don't buy into the people who say "I've got a female brain" (yeah, so which other brain experience did you compare it to?). Its all about what we are prepared to accept about ourselves, what compromises we are prepared to make, what we have to gain and lose, and how we choose to interpret the whole thing in order to be most comfortable with it. Being trabsgender but playing it down is one coping mechanism. But conversely being transgender but insisting you're a real woman is another coping mechanism (in the opposite direction). They say there is nothing more deceptive than our own minds. We all have far more in common than differences. Transgenderism is nothing to be afraid of, but we each manage it in our own way. Gender identity is complex, but I suspect is much simpler than we often make out, complicated mainly by subconscious fear about where it might lead, what it is is really deep down, which label will apply to us, what others mght think.

Does it feel better to present as female? Then just do it. Sure, practicalities might mean you can only do it sometimes, but see where it takes you (without fear) and stop over-analysing - it just spoils the fun.

Just for starters:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh269hLreok

Katie x