By: Sindy
Subject: Fears
Katie's post got me thinking about the barrier to further acceptance - fear. There are some common biggies related to crossdressing that many wives feel. I'll post them here and maybe you guys could respond with the reality of these fears, and how you would address them?
1) He's gay - the big obvious one that needs little explanation.
2) He's going to transition - no explanation needed here either!
3) He's insane - a wife might associate a need to 'dress up' as a sign of mental illness.
4) He's more attracted to himself - another biggie. It's hard not to see your husband adorning himself in all the things he likes on women and not assume he's created a replacement. Women need to feel wanted. Crossdressing can make wives feel replaceable and very much unwanted.
5) He will crossdress in public - another big fear. I liken this to a wife insisting she will attend a black tie dinner, naked. You can find the humour in this, but realistically you know you'd be very embarrassed. People would obviously stare and judge. They would probably think she's insane. They might think you're insane for being married to her. A woman might feel all these things about your public dressing.
6) He fantasies about a 'lesbian' relationship - wives often suspect their crossdressing partner prefers sex when he's dressed. The fear here is that she will become sexually unattracted to him if she participates, and that he will become sexually unresponsive if she doesn't. Incompatibility becomes a serious concern.
7) The dressing will escalate. If she stays married to a man who crossdresses in private at home, will this mean five years later she's married to a man who crossdresses in public, and five years after that she's married to a man who crossdresses at Xmas dinner? Few women enjoy uncertainty and this one causes great angst and doubts about the longetivity of the relationship.
8) The kids will be traumatised if they find out - again, no explanation needed. When it comes to their kids, women are more protective than a hungry lioness!
So, how would you approach these common fears?
By: Katie
Subject: Fears v Reality
It's interesting to read how a lot of the fears have actually been turned on their head and are now positives.
Both Sarah and Emma's relationships have benefitted from a more open discussion about crossdressing and what it actually means to them and their partners.
In Emma's case in particular and Sarah's too it has helped to benefit their marriages and re-invigorated their lives. Davina too with an open discussion (drunk or not) has also overcome some of the fears.
Looks like I'll need to get rid of the kids for the night, get out the wine and have a good old chat!