@Davina jokingly said to her recently she was Wonder Woman, so I must be Superman, she said no, he wears his knickers outside his tights 😀

Back last year when we ordered me some new wigs i was a bit worried about the packaging and think ewigs was on the box but i was working from home when they arrived so was fine.

I did order some red high heels once (I think i got rid of them or they're up the attic as they were strappy and awkward to put on with twisting straps.

Esme was home when they arrived and opened them.

I think i was away with work it was back when she knew i dressed but wasn't happy with it and she was a bit offish with me for ordering them.

Can't think of anything else I've ordered but @emmatights sounds like your wife knows and she's not run for the hills..

I took the chance as it was nearly Christmas and we were buying each other presents, what’s the chances of the only package you ever buy on Amazon you don’t want anyone to know about and it’s it a package clearly labelled, Sod’s law I guess, no damage done though I guess

I feel your pain Emma. I ordered some stuff from MyTights and thought I’d sent it to a parcel shop but then checked again, no lo and behold it was my home address...I feigned a migraine and rushed home early to intercept... beat my daughter to it by 5 mins, phew 🙈🙏

I can tell that Amazon don’t always do plain packaging, I had some coloured tights delivered a couple of years ago and the wife was home to take delivery, it only had the tights web name plastered all over the packaging, they might as well have come in neon lights with an arrow saying TIGHTS, my wife noted the package by giving me a knowing look to say something had arrived for me, but that’s where it ended, I expected the Spanish Inquisition

Didn’t think of that! We should start up our own mail order service for tv’s. Plain packaging only, just a large sticker on each package ‘your transvestite items are inside (you freak)’.

Lol should have said 100 denier hides hairy legs 10 doesn't 🤣

Those too yes. Although struggle with both more often than not. I once went to an expensive looking lingerie shop and said I was looking for some high quality black tights. The woman who had just taken over the shop suggested Wolfords, good choice I thought...then she said oh but I’m not sure what these numbers mean. I go red (embarrassment and impatience), she calls over her daughter and asks her does a lower denier mean thicker or wot?? Neither of them have a clue so I then explain to them what the effing ‘numbers’ mean. Jesus wept. Now how many other men could do that hey?!👏

Yes crossdressing rarely defines us. Repeat after me ‘I am a thrusting, important member of society with many skills and attributes (including epilation and designing earrings)’.

Davina yes your armour is more robust than mine...damn you... But it’s a better strategy yes to jump right into any conversation and engage rather than sit nervously on the edge hoping no one will look at you. There’s a theory that blushing is an evolved way of transgressors (eh?) or wrongdoers saying, look I dun wrong but I’m still a valuable part of the tribe (and those shoes do not go with that skirt girl!).

I once had to deal with a difficult situation with the football club I run. The advice was to put out as much positive information as possible to lose the negative. Not to engage at all in the negative. I guess we are a lot more than just 'crossdressers' and as the saying goes todays news is tomorrows chip paper so maybe we do over think our fears. But isn't that human nature unless of course you are Trump!

Yep I’m with you! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone deep flushing scarlet at the merest mention of any crossdressing or Grayson Perry etc. Even talk innocent talk of Christmas stockings has me feigning a bilious attack and running to the Gents. Pathetic really 🙈

I think if it got out I was a cross dresser deep down I'd be mortified but the brass knuckles of me would say yep I do that and I look hot so what do you want to know about it.. Here's my reasons for doing it if you've a problem with it its your problem not mine. Of course that's very naive of me given I'm not a single bloke cross dressing I have a wife and kids who fronting it in that manner would affect. It's a hard one (that's what she said) to contemplate.. Sorry the that's what she said come a from the Office USA which I'm currently watching. An interesting episode yesterday when the manager Michael finds out that an employee is having an affair and he whispers it to everyone not realising the consequences, then asks the person outright who admits it and asks him to keep it to himself but he's already spread it so he counters this spending the day spreading fake rumours about every other individual in the office to each member of the team which eventually backfires and is traced back to him .. What was my point.. I've now in The Office tradition forgotten my point. Exactly. Its why we keep this our secret Lena Deep ditch has gone on Zoom as Lena.. But it was a party and a theme.. So she got away with it. I told my wife's friends I cross dress but being such a raving alpha male they assumed I was joking.. And got away with it but we've both flirts with coming out further knowing that no one suspects we really cross dress planting a seed of pah they joked around but we may also have planted an oh hand on a minute Lena looked a bit too convincing and Huh Davina sure knows a lot about high heels and how to do make up. I guess if that circle of friends found out I cross dress I'd say well I did tell you.. Davina

You’re right of course Katie, fear and emotion get in the way. We each have to manage it in our own way. I find it extremely hard not to overthink it living in dread of people finding out. I was seeing a very good counsellor a couple of years ago and the subject inevitably came up - one of her thoughts was that if a rumour starts then it’s just a rumour, you don’t have to hide away or resort to avoidance tactics, let it add to your aura of intrigue. Hmm. I like the idea but...

Emma hi you’re so right. It’s a cliche but life is very short and it’s painful to think of someone having to spend his or her life suppressing, bottling, denying for a lifespan, just for fear of the reaction of others and just for the sake of a few textiles. We’re lucky in the sense that at least there is some sort of dialogue now, in this as in most ‘aberrations’ from the norm. No laws have been broken, nobody’s rights infringed, just a few clothes. Was it Betjeman, or some old goat anyway, who said in his very old age, I just wish I’d had more sex. Same applies I guess.

You're right maybe Hannah and myself who have accepted this for a few years now have normalised our husbands crossdressing.

Not healthy is it to keep this on your mind.

Not sure when to advise apart from don't let it go quiet if you get that opportunity to talk then talk don't bottle it up and don't let is be closed down.

Its such a waste of time when both husband (crossdresser) and wife bottle this up and cannot talk about it.

Such an awkward subject but if you can talk and resolve fears it can be a good thing

Emma (Wife)

Hannah has known and accepted more than most of the wives who come in here to lend their thoughts, knowledge and experience on the matter. Yes Hannah I think you do now see it from the point of view of an accepting wife but you are right we do frett far too much and wargame in our heads for want of a better word what our wives may think (we really have no clue what goes through a woman's head it certainly isn't I can't wait to put on stockings high heels and sexy lingerie as soon as I get home) and what our wives will say. I think if you accept its easier to recognise how simple acceptance and cross dressing can be but for those in the moment it can be a scary unusual "thing".. Omg my husband is a cross dresser what does this mean for us? And Omg my wife knows i dress oh the shame of it, will she leave me? Will she tell others.. Wargaming it over in our heads its bad and why lots of men don't / won't tell their wives. Its that big arrrgghhhh thing on both sides frustrated, afraid of the truth or what we think may be the truth and the social stigma. Davina

Hannah hi yes I dare say you’re right we do obsess more than may be good for us. It’s probably because most of us can’t talk about it, let alone do it now and then, so it gets blown out of proportion. To paraphrase Eddie Izzard again...what do we want ? clothing rights and peace ! when do we want it ? now (or preferably before the summer anyway so I can shave my legs) !

It's hard not to think too much about this.

I'm one of the lucky ones with an accepting wife.

Many are stuck unable to talk to their wives or scared to broach the subject and some have spoken to their wives and now in no mans land left high and dry so to speak waiting for their wife to come back to them,, So hard to bring back up once the trail goes cold.

Davina

boobies falling from the attic and t girls fears this is a good thread made me chuckle in part but you girls dont half think too much sometimes.

Maybe i'm under playing it as Ive accepted crossdrrssing into my marriage it is difficult i know

Hannah(wife)

I think we've got different levels of fears. Those afraid of what girlfriends and wives think or would think if they knew. Then there's others with accepting wives wondering how the kids would react. Fears is a good one for T girls to put out here and for wives and girlfriends to read. The fears and reasons why we hide our cross dressing. Maybe Karen O and other wives can comment on this here or in another thread. Reading fears of coming out as cross dressers can wives see why the hiding this from them which leads to a thought of betrayal when wives and gfs find out well into a relationship / marriage. It a sad reading head lied to me all this time. For me what I do is simple I cross dress and that's all there is to it escapism etc.. And like this for a lot of girls so to read the lie or the mistrust etc its because we fear rejection and losing the women we love. Hard to explain and hard for me to understand being the crossdresser not the wife. Davina

To be honest I don't know.

I don't think that there is a 'crossdressing gene' so I don't think that either of them will be tempted to crossdress or have been influenced. Kids today are a lot more relaxed about all things gender and they has trans kids at school with them. I'm sure that they wouldn't feel the same as we did growing up.

When I say about boundaries I really talking about there being some things that are not discussed. I'm didn't want to know what my parents got up to in the bedroom and I'm sure mine don't either.

I don't think kids would be tempted to let things slip. Especially if they are mature and understand the ramifications. They more likely to talk if they found something secretive that they didn't understand.

You know your kids better than anyone else and how they are likely to react. Sometimes having the chat is necessary for you to be able to live your life they way you want to. I once spoke with another t girl who was quite open with her kids. All they asked was that she didn't dress when their mates were round. This was her son.

Katie x

Katie do you think it may be different if you have sons or daughters? I've got daughters so the "Cross dressing gene" is passing a generation. If I had two boys no way would I consider telling my kids I'd also wonder if either of them were following suit and secretly dressing. But telling daughters the fear would be they don't see me any more as a man as their strong Dad as Batman. I think I could explain it to my two and I think they'd be OK but then would they let slip to others. They may even say let me do your makeup .. Boys wouldn't do that. All hypothetical as not telling my kids but as mentioned on the Forum a wife catching you dressed red handed is not good and you have some explaining to do but your jids catching you cross dressed multiples this by 10. Saying that Juliette Noir who's on here and who has a fab YouTube Vlog has told her daughter and I was chatting to another t girl who I hope will join here with her wife who have also told their daughter.. The theme on both these examples is "daughter". Davina

I agree that the thought of telling the kids fills me with even greater fear. I think that there are certain boundaries that you do not need to cross no matter what. The relationship between a husband and wife is different that between a parent and child.

Katie x

Katie yes the notion of a partner finding out is a massive fear for most of us I’m sure. Not just partners but kids (more so in fact). A wife or partner can be expected to be shocked and emotional, but also in a loving relationship I would hope some effort at compassion or attempt to tolerate or empathise might figure too. But in the case of kids there’s a different dynamic. And to a lesser extent friends and colleagues. And this partly results from the fear factor that surrounds a bloke in a dress - I keep coming back to this but I feel it acutely. It’s an unknown quantity, it’s weird, pathetic, ludicrous, it’s a wtf moment. If you come out as gay then it’s rightly seen as a sign of strength (mostly). If you present as a woman full time (I imagine), there are more awkward angles to see around but it’s still a brave and difficult confirmation of who you are. But if you’re a straight guy who is known to nonce about in heels and shapewear then you better get ready for some serious discomfort from your peers. That’s why I found myself going to great lengths to avoid any ‘finding out’ scenario. Mind you, I obviously didn’t go to enough trouble on one occasion : one December joyfully fetching the box of Christmas decorations out of the loft, alas unbeknownst to me a false boob had somehow fallen in amongst the tinsel and fairy lights. There was a shout from my daughter dad there’s something weird in here and she came in holding it. I just chucked it back in the loft and said blimey what a strange thing, must have been from the previous owners. Could have been worse, she could have put it on top of the Christmas tree 🙄😀.

When I told her I was a Crossdresser it followed her asking to dress me as a woman so I had no fears at the time about it.

I was dressing sporadically as I'd done all my life and didn't think she needed to know.

Also at the time I was just dressing and borrowing her things to dress no makeup just lingerie hosiery and heels and trying things on. I remember being in red lingerie stockings and heels sat at home with Esem out one day watching Liverpool v Newcastle and Liverpool scores 4 goals .. Better than watching Loose Women (Em).

So She asked to dress me up I eventually let her and it sparked my dressing, there I was in a black dress, stockings heels lingerie and my face full of makeup and I looked like a woman with short hair.

Esme lit the fuse to me dressing more, experimenting with makeup and wanting my first wig.. I wanted to see how i looked as a woman.

SO I confessed I have crossdressed before, I've done it all my life. I did this with no fear as in my head she asked to dress me as a woman as she must know I've been dressing in her things.. How wrong I was.

"Are you Gay? Do you want to be a Woman? Is it my fault? Why do you do it its just not you!" lots of crying and there's me "Oh Shit, she didn't know I was crossdressing"

I had no thought Esme would leave me over this after all to me it was just dressing up and at no time did i fear that but did fear it would affect how she'd now see me as her husband and as a man. was she ashamed of me? would she tell her best friend? her mother? her sister? her female colleagues at work? Would it affect our sex life? would she think i'm a pervert?

I still want to hear her thoughts and answers on those questions so will plead again for her to come back on here and add her experience into the mix with the other wives as it's good for me to read and learn what she thought even what her worst fears and thoughts were.

Then it was the years her knowing i was dressing and our levels of acceptance and wanting to assure her fearing forever i'd have to hide this "hobby" that we couldn't talk about it.

Having her accept my crossdressing has blown all my fears away.

I now have no fears not even fears about others finding out as i know I can explain why i do this. But i'll bet Esmes biggest fear is others finding out and how people will see the both of us.

Hoping other t girls will add their thoughts on Katies post and some wives can see what we go through in our heads and what our fears are and her or in the other post of questions I've added from one of Katies other posts we can see what wives also feel about this and what thoughts and fears you went through.

Davina