I just sent this message to someone i met on another who asked about my story.

So i thought you may like to hear about it.

I warn you it's quite long!!

Anyway here it is:-

So, my story, my earliest memory of wanting to wear clothes of the opposite sex, i guess I'd be about 3 maybe 4 years old, i had somehow found a pair of my mums knickers, i know i must have been very young as i can remember a pram and i was able to get in it, and my mum promptly tacking the knickers off me, it sounds bad that when you put it down in text!!😳 Then over many years through childhood wearing tights, and liking how they would feel. I wasn't sure why i liked it, it fealt normal to me but i also knew that other poeple didn't do this sort of thing and so i thought it must be wrong? I'm not sure if my mum ever knew that i was wearing her clothes but she never said anything if she did. And so this carried on into my teens, but as i got older and discovered girls the urges started to diminish, to almost nothing. Saying that, i didn't have much luck with girls even though i tried they didn't seem interested in me, I was very shy when it came to the opposite sex, and i wonder weather they could somehow sense that there was something different about me? Anyway at the age of 26 i met my future wife, and in 1992 we got married, at that point in time i wasn't dressing at all, and allthough it did cross my mind as to weather to tell her or not, i thought that it wasn't a problem and that maybe it was gone for good and I'd grown out of it, and also with us just being together for two years i was scared that telling her then may have blown the whole thing, and that would be the end of our relationship. So, fast forward to a few years ago, maybe around 2015, the urges where starting to rear up again but only very mild, and this time i went to local supermarkets and would buy my own pairs of tights and this went on for about another year and thats all i would wear. Then in 2016 i lost two poeple very close to me, my mum passed away in the April of that year and then a close friend died of cancer in June, he was only 56! I think both those deaths must of affected me more than i realise, i remember thinking i want to make the most of my life and things changed for me, then BANG! my urge was back and it was massive! It came on all of a sudden, like a wave rushing over me and i couldn't stop it! Then i realised Ebay! You could get all sorts of womens clothes on there, and so i started buying things, mainly underwear, stockings, suspenders, a pair of high heels, i was like a kid in a sweet shop, but i was having to sneak all this stuff in, a few things i could get away with but when i started buying dresses my wife started asking what have you bought now! If they where delivered while she was at home, and i had to think of things to tell her what it was. I started watching youtube videos to try and understand all about as i remember it was called "Transvestite" now was being called "Crossdressing", some of the names i hadn't even heard of till this year, like T-Girl which i quite like🙂 but in my mind it was starting to dwell more and more about telling my wife, at first i decided not to tell her and that i was going to take this to my grave! But the more poeple i watched on youtube, one in particular i found very interesting was 'Juliette Noir', i don't know if you've seen her, she's english and makes a lot of sense, but i started to see that there was a whole community out there started to see events for Crossdressers that they where part of the whole transgender spectrum, i knew i wasn't gay or bisexual, and i defiantly didn't want to transition, i was happy being a man i just liked wearing dresses and womens clothes every so often. I learned that most men who crossdress are straight, ( that was me!) I was finally understanding what i was, and guess what? I was proud of what i was 😁 and so i decided that i wanted to be me for what time i have left of my life(hopefully lots of years) and i didn't want to go sneaking around, you see i hardly get anytime to dress as i only get two and a half to three hours on a friday afternoon to myself because of our jobs, and the only other times are if I'm off on holiday on my own or my wife goes out with her sister every so often, which is only once in a blue moon. It was all starting to get on top of me so, i decided to tell her and get it off my chest, but when and how to tell her! And then one day at work a conversation between two of my colleagues went something like this:- "I don't understand why blokes want to dress up like women"...Then, "if they turned up at some of the places I've been they would of got a good kicking!" I wanted to defend crossdressing but, to have said anything would maybe of given myself away, and so i said nothing, but half an hour later i was sat at my desk with tears in my eyes thinking i had never felt so alone, i couldn't talk to anyone about who and what i was, not even my wife who i should be able to confide in, so that weekend i came out to her. As i said she was in shock for the rest of the weekend, and to say things where frosty was an understatement, but she didn't burst into tears, throw anything at me or even throw me out! In the following months I've let her have her space and time to come to terms with what i told her, she told me that she still loved me and that given time she could probably come to terms with what I'd told her, and that brings us up to date. But now i feel we need to move forward and with the help of a few new crossdressing friends I've met online in a forum I'll give you the details for if you want to join, I've put a letter together to give her to read in her own time, some of the things I've just told you are included in the letter. So, we'll see how things go when i give it to her, as i said i don't want to push her, and if she doesn't want to be involved i hope she can at least give me the freedom to maybe eventually go out to events and nights out and trust me enough to just meet poeple socially. So thats it, my life as a crossdresser and proud T-Girl! 💃😁

Lots of love,

Catriona xx