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New to this lifestyle

First, thanks for accepting my request to join. I am looking for a place of support as the wife of a cross dresser. My husband recently, as in 5 days ago, revealed to me he is way more into cross dressing than he ever let on earlier in our marriage. We had a little fun with it in the bedroom years ago and never really revisited that.

I love my husband dearly and want to support him, but I feel like I also need some sort of support for myself. I have asked many questions, some he was offended by, but I'm still struggling.

Any other wives here have any advice or have done through what I currently am?

I'm extremely confused 😞

20 comments

20 Comments

allyoop123

Sep 06, 2023

Thank you everyone. I truly appreciate all of your input on your experience. I’m trying so hard to be respectful and understanding. I know how hard this is for him to talk about, but he has to understand he is not the only one going through this situation. I just tried to have a conversation and walk away feeling worse. I’m not asking him to stop anything, I truly want him to be himself but I want the same respect. I’m going through this also, not just him

Sammy_Girl

Sep 10, 2023

Replying to

Ally I can relate to everything you’ve said. My husband threatened to delete his profile because of an argument and my insecurities, but luckily I made sure he didn’t. Had he done because of me, I’d felt awful. You can’t change that now, but maybe help him recreate his persona on the app. I struggled when I first found out and searched google for answers. I came across a book written by a gay man which I bought and read within a couple of days. This book helped me so much come to terms with his dressing and we decided to make cross dressing normal.

This is the book that helped me:

Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi ?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men https://amzn.eu/d/9Kuw2mD

In the beginning, I could see my husband leaving comments on other cross dresser’s photos about how gorgeous they are (with a x) and thought, “that’s a bid weird”, but it really wasn’t. It was simply one lady complimenting another lady on how nice she looked. Us real women do it all the time, so why wouldn’t a cross dresser. We set boundaries and we stick to them. I particularly don’t like the dick pics some cross dressers put up on Flickr, as long as my Sarah Jane doesn’t do it. I want my lady classy, not trashy and she wants it that way. You can’t control what’s out there, but you and your lady can control what she does. By me accepting and being involved in my husband’s crossdressing, it lifted a weight off his shoulders and lift 50 years of depression/guilt/shame etc. it’s the happiest we’ve been in 24 years. At first I didn’t get it (the t-girl world), but now I do. Ally, ask us any question, you have support here. You’re not alone. x

allyoop123

Sep 10, 2023

Replying to

Thanks so much Sammy. That does make me feel better that you’re reaction was about the same as mine. I’m happy to say we were able to talk again about this, and he was able to get back his persona on his app. We were both welcomed by the others on that app that he became friends with and that also made me feel a bit better. I explained my feelings on the dick pics and he totally understands. We did set limits to keep it classy and so far so good. I have even since bought him a dress that he loves. I’m still getting used to it and I’m sure it will take a while but I feel like we will get there. I told him as long as he’s honest with me and let’s me be a part, which he has, I’ll be okay. And you are right, I can’t help what the others post as far as pics. And I do get the compliments they exchange after hearing my husband say exactly what you did.

This was all I was wanting before things blew up. I wanted to be a part of something that was important to him, but I also wanted to be able to express my concerns and ask questions when they came up. I think, I hope, I have made him understand that it’s not judgment. Thank you everyone for your advice and guidance. I truly appreciate all of you. Wish me luck on this new venture in my life! ❤️

Davina

Sep 11, 2023

Replying to

Good luck Ally, by and large nothings gonna change in your day to day life but now you have this deep secret which can be a fun secret and one you can even share provate jokes when out.

AS we've all said keep the communications open and honest and this part of our lives can blend in seelessly as and when opportunity presents itself.

Rachel

Sep 06, 2023

Hi Ally

Welcome to this little piece of the cross dress universe.

My wife found out while we were dating and now have been married 4 years this October.

We try to go out at least once a month on a girls night out together and I think she enjoys it but hopefully she will pop on here and give you her take on living with a cross dresser

ally4322022

Sep 06, 2023

Hi Ally,

Plenty of support here and don't hold back as always someone to give advice or reassurance. I basically echo Davina and Sarah in that communication is key.

I told my wife when I was going through a particularly stressful time. She thankfully understands I'm still me. It's still tricky and I've yet to fully dress in front of her. Just have to remember slow is key and considering each others feelings. Much like your husband I am very happy with my wife who I love dearly and she me. Hopefully the forums are just away of letting off steam. I am on a couple different forums mainly to get a balanced idea of this lifestyle so maybe your husband is the same.

Take care x

Davina

Sep 06, 2023

Welcome to the site you've come to the right place if you're looking for support and openess and clean intelligent open discussion.

There are a few wives active on here who I'm sure will be happy to chat and we've had lots of wives in the past who have come and gone , happy to say most who ha e gone have left with a new view on crossdressing and a level of acceptance.

I think it must be daunting .. my wife burst into tears when I told her I was a crossdeesser and asked if I was gay which is a question I wasn't expecting from her..

Lots of myths about crossdressing and lots and lots of reasons why us "blokes" put on makeup, wigs, perfume amd women's clothes helping us escape our male lives for a bit

For the majority of us a few hours dressed and we unwind and de stress somehow magically letting our male guard down and embracing a bit of femininity in a way the world who know us would never in a million years expect.

I hope some of the wives reply and offer you some support and answers and have a poke around and a good read here of questions and answers debate, humour, desperation, angst, fear, guilt, and all the emotions worries and thoughts of the crossdressers / tgirls (same thing lots of lebels) and of wives and girlfriends present and accounted for still and who have found their answers and moved on..

Let me know if I can be if any help as the biggest thing I find in all this despite my wife finally coming to terms with me crossdressing eventually is its far easier to talk to someone else wife about all this than your own and I think a wife can use us t girls as a sounding board on how to question and approach their husband / boyfriend with out argument falling out etc

There's a post here somewhere on questions to ask and I've found the easiest way to ask is by writing or typing back and forth with my wife although we're a lot better now discussing dressing .. you type something in a Skype chat or text message mull over it then press send and its gone and then wait fir the answer .. we find it therapeutic to get it all off our chest ref why we do this but then we also feel guilt and a need to assure over and over .. cutting the conversation off makes it hard to restart .. anyway I'm rambling hope I made sense..

Welcome to the forum

Davina

Unknown member

Sep 06, 2023

The fact that you want to support him speaks volumes. You say he is "more into it" than you thought, I take it that means wig, makeup and trying to look as feminine as possible rather than a bit of play in the bedroom? Many heterosexual crossdressers try to suppress the need for dressing. In my wife's case she struggeld to even acknowledge Sarah, and would not see me dressed or in makeup and wig, to the extent I grew frustrated and despondent. My advice would be talk, when your finished, talk some more but never stop communicating.

Chelle (R’s Wife)

Oct 05, 2023

Replying to

Hi Allyoop123, I am Chelle wife of Rachel - welcome to the forum if you want to ask me anything then feel free. I knew about Rachel before we married and it didn’t phase me at all in fact we together finally named her alter ego and brought her fully to life instead of being surpressed and hidden as a ‘dirty secret’ which was constantly being purged - Rachel didn’t deserve that, she is a person in her own right!. I think it helps to identify them as being 2 very different people as the female side is to get away from the male side and the stresses in life that they are enduring at a particular time, me personally I drink wine - Rachel doesn’t she’s tee total.

This coming weekend is a good one for Rachel as we are going out to a steakhouse and then to a drag show for which she will plan things to the enth degree choosing her outfit, booking in her make up with a professional, choosing matching nails and deciding which hair’

Shoes and coat to wear - if you’re going to go out make the most of it and try NOT to stand out! I think the planning and execution of these plans is a huge stress relief for her and I’m so happy to take part in this- I love them both and want to help where I can, she always asks me when planning an evening out if it is okay if I go with Rachel rather than my husband and to be fair I don’t mind who I go with whatever makes them happy 😊

ally4322022

Oct 05, 2023

Replying to

That's such a lovely response. Rachel is one lucky girl.

Rachel

Oct 05, 2023

Replying to

Sure am Chelle is such an amazing wife 🥰🤗