By: Katie

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The older I get the 'hotter' grannies get!

A classy woman will always be sexy whatever her age.

It's always sad when somebody young dies and as Sindy says it is important that we all spend time with our loved ones and don't put things off.

I've been asked two questions in the past:

1) The doctor tells you that you have between 5 -10 years to live. You wouldn't be sick it would just happen one day. How would you live your life differently in the remaining years?

2) The doctor tells you that you've got days to live. What regrets would you have?

It helps you to work out the things you value in life such as your family. Enjoy life as much as you can as you only get on crack!

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Blog entries

Oh, I totally plan on being a hot granny haha. No kids to chase after, no work to do - I'll dig out the six inch heels then and go and break a hip lol.

It's sad that family life can drive a wedge between couples, but so many of my female friends have forged closer bonds with each other of late. I hope there's a balance in the future where this hot granny can have holidays with friends and the hubby. Of course, I know a woman who's mother just recently retired, finally went on the dream trip with her husband, and died overseas one week in to the holiday. Heart breaking. Makes me realise we can't put time together off or doing the things we want to do.

In the end we're really all just venting here. It's a safe space to say the things we ponder and think that we can't say out loud anywhere else. Then off to our ordinary lives we go. Unless, of course, one of us here is a famous movie star or something...and then I want details please!! And an invite to your mansion lol.

I hope people really helped reading our rantings here. Even if they're reading and thinking we're all nuts, or wrong, or weird haha. That's better than not talking at all, because we all know that's why we're in this mess. xx

By: Emma RG

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Blog entries

Hi Sindy thanks for the message and yep We are allowed our different perspectives here and it's good that Davina lets us have our say without editing anything and good that no matter the differences we all get along.

I'm in my mid 30's married for almost 10 years been with him for a lot longer lol.

I hope we continue to do everything together and hate to think we'd grow apart at some stage in life.

A girls night out is ok every now and then and a shpping trip but to be honest id rather be out with the other half and shopping trips with him lol.

I can't blame Davina for wanting his wife to wear heels and red lippy after all that's what men are brought up to desire in tv ads etc and it must be hard if wives stop as I did and we had that honest and frank discussion and he had a right go at me for not seeing it from his point of view and I thought ok i'll make more of an effort hence the change in how I did my makeup dressed etc for his initially but the compliments got to me and now I must look my best and that is red lippy and heels so my other halfs over the moon and I'm quite happy I made this change.

I'll be like Sylvias wife up the top of the page in my 60s rocking the high heels

By: Davina

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Katie hits the nail on the head again with this one as the biggest shame is that “somebody who took pride in their appearance lets themselves go through choice or contentment, it shows to a partner that maybe they just can't be bothered anymore” and for men it makes us feel like our wives cant be bothered to make an effort for us we feel a little taken for granted although we hide this as we don’t show our feelings especially if we ask our wives to dress up and they say no then its a battle of wills which the woman wins as the man gives up on asking and feels a bit of resentment.

I’m sure my wife wouldn’t like it if I didn’t shave and grew a scruffy beard didn’t bother to get my hair cut and wore tracksuits everywhere and put on weight as I’m sure she prefers it when I cut and gell my hair, wear jeans and a shirt, lose a few lbs and have designer stubble etc.

Complimenting someone on how they look isn't about sex it is an appreciation of the time and effort put in and I’ve come so close on occasion to telling someone they look nice but it’s not the done thing. Can you imagine me telling a woman she looks great as I like how she’s dressed, done her hair and makeup she’d think a) I’m chatting her up b) I’m a creep lol and then my wife would say what are you playing at lol.

A great question - “If someone puts in more efforts for a 'girls night' out but won't put in the same effort for a couples night out what does that say to the husband or boyfriend?”

One wedding anniversary me and my wife went to Cardiff and she didn’t know why I was in such a bad mood but she’d been out with her mum shopping all day and got back late then said come on then lets get the train to Cardiff with me saying aren’t you getting changed and she said no.. I suppose I felt that I wanted her to get dolled up for our wedding anniversary and make a bit more of an effort for me and she didn’t and made me feel a bit disappointed so I sulked lol.

She will read this at some point and say “I never did” but she did lol.

Its something we just don’t understand :(

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Blog entries

The wife not dressing in a dress and heels certainly is a social problem and one men cant get their head around and crossdressers distress over and compensate lol.

It must be a conditioning thing in the western world where from a young age we’re brought up on sexy images of women, we stole our mums clothes catalogues and dribbled over the lingerie sections (oh the shame of it) then in Mens fitness magazines like Mens health or FHM they feature women in heels, makeup lingerie etc so we’re conditioned to be attracted to this.

So Sindy it’s true If we only ever saw women wearing comfortable clothing in the media and real life and high heels etc wasn’t broadcast as “This is sexy” then maybe we wouldn’t crave it.

Then the Crossdressers take a big inhale to read “Women clearly don't enjoy dressing the way men like” but

Crossdressers do lol but I don’t crossdress because that’s the way men like it I do it because I like it.

Myself and Sindys husband don’t expect our wives to wear heels and the red lippy all the time but once in a while would be nice. Is that really asking a lot? So its hard to read we dont always get what we want…. Once in a while pleeeaassseee! we’re begging you!!

I’m sure we’d dress up in anything our wives asked us to dress up in unless it was Sindys favourite Furry lol or a baby so Sindy mention to him you want him to dress as a Soldier and he’ll come in through the ceiling dressed as a Navy Seal….

I do find women in their natural state attractive but its an extra turn on to have our wives in sexy lingerie, stockings and heels or to see your wife in a dress and nice makeup and heels… we can’t help it..

By: Katie

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Hi Sindy

We all know that society dictate what is acceptable and what is not. In our western society women are expected to wear heels and dresses to be 'sexy'. That's just what fashion and conditioning dictates. So men are just instructed what they should find 'sexy'. Of course there are exceptions but as we all know if you fall out of line then you're considered 'weird'.

Ancient tribal communities also have dress codes, rituals and traditions. Just look at the Kayan tribe who wear those neck rings! If you look at Muslim women who wear burqa's. That's a tradition that dates back 1000's of years. I like long necks but I'm guessing the longer the neck the more desirable these women are to their potential partners.

We all preen and polish ourselves. Display is an important part of sexual attraction. Wearing heels elongates the legs and makes them more attractive. A low cut dress reveals the cleavage. Make up enhances and simulates a woman mid-orgasm - flushed cheeks and red lips.

There are plenty of examples of 'showy' displays in the animal kingdom to know that it is natural.

So what in your opinion what is our 'natural' state? No clothes?

Clothes send out all sorts of messages which is why they are so important. They signify status, job, gender, mood etc. If you want to attract a mate you know what you need to wear. It doesn't necessarily mean heels etc as not all men find that attractive. I find my wife attractive in her skinny jeans, t shirts and biker jacket. I also find her attractive in heels etc.

I think that the biggest shame is that somebody who took pride in their appearance lets themselves go. It shows to a partners that maybe they just can't be bothered with life anymore. Nobody likes to feel like part of the furniture and taken for granted and that is the message given out by people who just want to slob out all the time.

It's fine some of the time. I have my DIY gear which is ripped and covered in paint but I wouldn't go out for a meal wearing that. If I did my wife would be mortified not only because of what other people would think but because it would show disrespect to her.

Likewise I wouldn't want her to go out looking a mess. I think that complimenting someone on how they look isn't always about sex. It is an appreciation of the time and effort put in and believe me if your crossdressing husband compliments you he really understands the time and effort put in!

If someone puts in more efforts for a 'girls night' out but won't put in the same effort for a couples night out what does that say?

If I used the word 'admired' then maybe the way you interrupted it is different to the way I meant it. Admiration doesn't necessarily have to have sexual connotations which if how I think that you may interpret it. I can understand that you wouldn't want undue sexual attention because of how you dressed. Equally it would be nice to receive compliments from your peers about how you look. I think that that is a validation of how much effort you have put in. In that sense it is always good to be rewarded for effort.

I'm with Em on the separate holidays. Given the choice I'd always go away with my wife. We're in our 50's and I just can't ever imaging going on separate holidays. I have my 'lads' nights out and she goes out with her girlfriends but given the choice we'd both spend the together. Having kids makes the time together as a couple more important so I'm not going to spend that time wth a group of blokes.

It's horses for courses. We have friend who do exactly that but can never understand them.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Blog entries

I don't know really, why it almost universally goes this way where women mostly stop dressing up and men still crave it. Clearly there's a fairly big social problem here that needs addressing.

My initial thought is, why do men like women wearing these things? They don't wear them in ancient tribal communities yet I don't hear those men complaining. Maybe there's an issue with what young boys, and consequently men, are exposed to in regards to how women dress. If you only ever saw women wearing comfortable clothing in the media and real life, would this still be a thing?

My second thought is that women clearly don't enjoy dressing the way men like. If we did, we wouldn't stop. But as so many men lament here and in other parts of my life, most women so stop with the heels etc at some point and are in no real hurry to get them back on. Even for a bit of 'sexy time'. Given that women will dress up for a girls night, perhaps this reluctance is linked to the way men perceive women when we're dressed up? I know Katie has mentioned that doesn't everyone want to be admired for looking good? I don't know about that. I think women would rather be seen in her natural state than all tarted up for a night out. That's a costume and not us. Women and men really do think differently.

And Em, don't apologise hon! We're allowed our different perspectives here as that's the point. I also assume, though correct me if I'm wrong, that we're in different decades of our lives. Trust me, in my twenties and even early thirties I couldn't imagine not spending every minute with my husband. Now I'll take my girlfriends company any day lol. But then parenting, while a team effort, does turn the focus from couple life into family life so having that intimacy and closeness really isn't easy. Most of the time I'd rather just have some time alone, or vent with another mom friend.

That's not to say this happens to every couple as there are the odd few in my circle who still seem very close. Priorities change, that's all, and at this point in my life I have more in common with other mothers than my husband, who still thinks like Davina and wants women to wear heels and red lippy. Well I'd prefer my husband had a compulsion to dress like a soldier but hey, we don't always get what we want lol.

Sorry, and that didn't translate properly - I think many women would rather be admired in their natural state than all dolled up. There's something about a man who finds a a natural women beautiful that is very hot. Such a shame that men are instead raised to prefer women in what is essentially a costume.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Blog entries

The self esteem comes from what my wifes told me and how she feels about herself and I’ve had very similar self esteem comments from other wives related to why they have stopped making so much of an effort to always try to look their best and especially around the sexy lingerie thing which we like and cant figure out why wives done or wont.

As I’ve commented before I don’t get why women nn/ot want to wear heels and sexy lingerie as much as you cant work out why we do.

Maybe and we wont admit this we have low self esteem problems and that’s why we crossdress and maybe this low self esteem stems from sometimes being taken for granted in all the above questioning ourselves.. why will she get all dressed up for a night out with the girls but wont for me.. why wont she wear lingerie and as we’re frowned on for bringing it up we don/t bother and some of us Crossdress instead.

So, if Sinys husbands crossdressing is due to some sort of low esteem coping behaviour is Crossdressing a bad thing if it helps?

Low self esteem may be a turn off? I don’t quite understand this but surely you would look to help improve his self esteem just as I seek to raise my wifes self esteem.

Men aren’t aliens women are we’re far less complicated.

Katie hits the nail again as I too don’t really feel dressing boosts my self-esteem, but does help me unwind from stress and its a fun thing to do and it makes me feel good - why wouldn't you do something that makes you feel good?

I think me and my wife are the same as Emma and her husband in that we prefer to be together than out separately and like to do things together. I really dont get theses women only holidays away or mens trips away as would far prefer to spend the money on a family or husband and wife break away.

It is funny how readily crossdressing usually in jest comes up in conversations and yes I agree its a bit cringy seeing others slag off crossdressing not understanding it and thinking it perverted and weird.

It’s not nice to see al your hard work undone as your wife takes in her friends thought on crossdressing and the thoughts all being negative and Emma is right there are a lot worse things we could be doing instead of Crossdressing occasionally.

I think mens problems is we don’t feel we can let our feelings out as what if I was crying all the time my wife would think I’m a right pansy… and its so easy to upset a woman by talking about certain things .. I cant say why are you always in trousers why wont you wear a dress? As it would probably upset her for whatever womens reason. I’ve never got a real answer around sexy lingerie and heels and dressing up for a bit of sexy fun which really really frustrates me… infuriates me in fact and to be honest makes me feel like crap that she wouldnt just for my sake wear some sexy lingerie and heels without me begging.

I know this could lead back to “Why should we or why should I” in acceptance of crossdressing but why should we put up with women becoming content and making less effort to look their best is the thing I dont get…. It drives two things well three in fact as no men are the same.. 1) Makes a man feel like crap if his wife wont bother making an effort for him 2) As can be seen some of us crossdress as compensation and 3) Some men will find a bit on the side who will dress up for him…

Whats the worst part a man feeling down and depressed? Finding sexy fun elsewhere or crossdressing?

By: Emma RG

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Blog entries

It's late and we've just got back from a nice Husband and Wife night out with friends with funnily enough Crossdressing cropping up in conversation somehow totally unrelated to us and we gave nothing away bit I was a bit saddened to see my friend's attitude towards crossdressers but not aw ting to out ourselves as a couple in which one of us is a crossdresser and the other accepts it as just something he does we played dumb.

I read Davinas ten or so new blog entries and see I got a mention as a positive. Well it wasn't all positive but chatting here, talking to my other half and that's how we see us as a whole two halves which fit together perfectly we got through the worries and his guilt and I decided there are worse things in life.

I also read what Davina put about how women stop making an effort and this really hit home to me and made me feel like id broken something in the relationship like id changed something by making less of an effort like he'd broken something by crossdressing a touche moment and although I too wouldn't say I had a low self esteem I can confirm getting nice comments from work colleagues and friends when I decided to make more of an effort for myself and my other half was rewarding and my self esteem hightened.

I was out tonight my hair down, not tied back, makeup (red lips sorry Sindy) a dress, tights and heels and it felt good to be complimented on how I look by my husband and by friends.

On the points of travel with older lady friends in years to come and men living in their own heads I cannot think of anything worse if that's my fate (again sorry Sindy) as I like the odd girls night out but by far prefer spending time with my best friend (my husband) and that's if he's in male mode or occassionally Crossdressed.

I read a few post back something about sharing my secret and all I can say is it's talking and being open.

I couldn't have the situation where he wants to say something but won't and I want to say something but afraid to upset him so we've had some frank discussions and he has assured any fears I had and my conclusion is crossdressig is something he does, why should I try to change it as he's not tried to change me in any way and part of the frank discussion was around how I had for a time made less of an effort in my appearance and I did feel him saying that at first hurt and was selfish but no he was right and I do feel.better for knowing how this affected him not that he showed any malice he just got on with things but I do think we take our other halves feelings for granted.

We are more inclined to show our feelings where as men are more insular and bottle up their emotions and feelings and yea Davina it is seen as sexist if a man says something like you stopped dressing nice or stopped making an effort and that's bad isn't it as its not sexist its an opinion men are entitled to just as much as a woman telling her husband he's become a slob.

I think sometimes the chat in here loses sight of the word occasional as from what I see Davina, Katie, Sindys husband, my other half have this occasional urge to cross dress for a variety of reasons and the effect has a positive effect no matter how weird it seems to be a cure for stress in their male lives it works and they have fun doing it and as long as fun is clean healthy fun not dirty fun I see little harm in this occasional hobby as moat of the time he's him and maybe once a month he crossdressers' for a few hours sometimes alone if he works from home when I'm in work and sometimes he dresses when I'm around but never without talking to me about it still asking if it's ok for him to dress up which I take as he needs to unwind.

I'm ok with it and sure id probably prefer he didn't cross dress but then what else would he find to do to unwind which maybe hed do alone or I wouldn't be interested in as at least with crossdressing its something we can talk about in terms of makeup and fashion I'm rambling now but will admit a little drunk lol and tired as its 0145 and I must go to bed.

I will return in the morning and add more when sober lol.

I don't have a magic wand or formulae and part of the acceptance is as simple as I love him.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Blog entries

Yes, I was happy to see a positive ending for Wizard after a rocky start. Gives us all hope! And don't worry, I'm fully aware that sons bring 'floozys' into our lives lol. But by then, I think most older women have themselves pretty well figured out and I'll hopefully be like other older ladies and enjoy the company of my old lady friends and we'll feel good about ourselves by hanging together and traveling or whatever.

My mom friends and I have these discussions quite often. Funny how few of us see ourselves traveling with our husbands when we're older but see it with each other. I see this of family friends now - the wives often travel together, sans husband. I guess as time has gone on, many of us have noticed our husbands are living in their own heads a lot more and content doing their own thing, and maybe we desire more of a connection with people. So it's clearly not just women married to crossdressers who feel left out and perplexed by the male species, lol.

Ah well, just taking it one day at a time.

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Blog entries

Sindy

Young boys grow into young men and one day you won't be the main woman in there life! My wife is dreading the moment that they fall head over heels with some young 'floozy'.

I think everyone likes to be complimented and loved so anything you can do to boost that must be good - yes?

I don't find dressing boosts my self-esteem - nobody see. I dress because it makes me feel good - why wouldn't you do something that makes you feel good?

I read through 'Wizards' thread. Nice to know even the worst case scenarios can be changed around.