Good post Davina put it all out there how you feel

Hannah hope everythings ok so many posts to catch up with here this week im 130 behind

Rebecca (Wife)

Long post Davina and Hannah im catching up and following you through posts and youve had the dreaded im bisexual chat which is our big fear your other post about Courtney Act makes sense to me now Davina

Sexuality and crossdressi g are sometimes linked but mainly not ?

Ill move to the next post as i see youve all been busy trying to reassure Hannah

Emma (wife)

Hi Hannah

I don't know if you read the article I posted under 'Does liking acrossdresser make me gay?' but I thought it explained it really well. It's then just up to your husband to define his attraction and you can both take it from there.

Best of luck

Katie

Wow Davina she is beautiful as are you judging by your picture on here and no it does not make you or any man bisexual to say you like how she looks including saying "woof" lol

As you and Katie have explored this more on other posts I'll move over and give you an update as we've talked more about his revelation over the last few days obviously and read your thoughts here thanks for raising it and debating it Davina and Katie everyone else seems pretty quiet about it as maybe it's a hard topic to discuss and one that we are going through for real right now.

Thanks

Hannah (Wife)

Hi Hannah WE all aspire to look as good as we can when we dress hoping that someone will tell us we can pass which is easier for some than others. Saying that not everyone seeks this approval and again its just part of the pie chart of why men crossdress. And we all love the female image and most of us love a particular female image and we try to emulate it when we dress in how we do our makeup, what wig we choose to wear and how we dress.

I look at that picture below and my mind says wow "hubba hubba" lol shes stunning i really fancy her "woof!" and all those other manly stupid remarks made when we fancy someone but its actually Courtney Act a trans Drag Queen - Does that make me Bisexual Hec No! However if i took her to bed and got down and dirty Hec Yeah! as shes a man so would make me Bisexual.. Not on my agenda. This could be a whole new post and maybe I'll start one unless you'd like to Hannah as chatting to Laura she applauds you for being so open and thinks we should discuss sexuality and not shy away from it here as it is wives biggest fear. Some people I chat to argue as she looks like a woman kissing and other foreplay doesn't make them Bisexual but Yes it does and some say its a new sexuality all together men and other t girls who fancy t girls and maybe we can acknowledge this as there are new terms coming out along the trans spectrum all the time and indeed in terms of sexuality so why not one for men and t girls who fancy tgirls.. slightly different again if you dated a TS girl who is a woman but thats also another thread and one i wont cover on the forum as its too far right of my understanding along the spectrum in terms of 1 being a cis woman and 6 being a cis man etc etc. So that image above wow yes I'd fancy her... If she were a woman does that make me anything other than straight i don't think. "Ok I know shes trans and yep i still fancy that 'image' nope still straight.."Whats the wives view on this statement? - definitely a new thread required on this So Hannah - Is this what your husband means when he says he thinks he's Bisexual? he fancies other T girls in image or he wants to do something about it? From your email to me i kinda know why you'd think you may have pushed him into this but Katie may be right as its a topic of conversation I've had with lots of T girls seeking advice and also even today checking mail in TV Chix had a message asking me to meet up and as he put it " Be Nawty" .. to which i replied "HaHa No!" Davina

Hi Hannah

You can't make someone gay, bisexual or whatever so I don't think your 'adventurous' pursuits are anything to do with his feelings. Maybe you being supportive has enabled him to feel that he can be more open with you. I'm sure that loads of people have fantasies that they are never going to act upon - he's just shared one with you.

We've had a post before about how men who fancy Tgilrs don't necessarily think of themselves as gay or bi. They fancy a 'woman'. Your husband sounds the same, he's not attracted to men but 'women'. I guess it's the same way that wives say they're not lesbians so why should they fancy their husband in a dress. In both cases it's reacting to the image and not the person. Men are very visual and in someways shallow when it comes to sex. Probably explain sex dolls! Not a woman but plastic moulded and dressed up as a woman!

Set yourself some boundaries that you feel comfortable with. As we said before give a crossdresser and inch and he'll take a mile. Take it slow - the pink fog can hit everyone. Take a step back, you know that you are in control.

Katie

Wow Davina had this in your head and had to write it all down? Lol

Its a good read and explains things well we get you dont see it as a big deal as youre the Davina type crossdresser Davina Prime but not all tgirls are like you.

Id say a wife is lucky to have a tgirl like you but others may have a different type of tgirl husband.

Some wives would say theyd prefer not to have a crossdresser for a husband at all let alone one like you but all men have habits or a vice they hide from us and this in context isnt that bad compared to some other things.

i Say a wife is lucky if her crossdressing husband is like you as Some are sexually motivated, some are gay or bisexual and some do want to become women and thats all fine too maybe devastating but fine As long as the truth is told and you move on or work with it.

Its about getting it all out the facts so you can make a decision on what to do next.

I thought my Husband was a Davina type but its more sexual for him and as you know we are a little adventurous and hes admitted whilst we were having a girly night in this last weekend that although hes not done anything he thinks hes bisexual as a woman but doesnt fancy men but does fancy other tgirls

Im still coming to terms with it and my thoughts are Its fantasy hes not done anything and Ive not helped by putting him on web cam on that site so to end on this bombshell i will say its a good read for a wife to see your point of view but also beware some do have a bit more to confess

Hannah (Wife)

All the husbands and Bfs reading here with accepting wives know how lucky we are and and can see how amazing our wives and Gfs are, and of course we can contemplate how gracious we’d be had it been the other way around as we’re blokes we think totally different to women you wanna wear a fake penis a football shirt and designer stubble knock yourslef out pull up a chair the NFLs on i’ll get you a beer.

Maybe thats just me and Katie lol

“Wives here have done a HUGE thing by accepting and accommodating their partners crossdressing foregoing the statement of “after they hid/lied/deceived and misrepresented themselves...often for years”

WE havent lied, we have hid and we’ve not deceived or misrepresented ourselves but we now know this is how wives think and feel we’ve behaved.

We could say similar in my old argument that unwritten un discussed thing when a wife decides shes content and acts and dresses and presents completely different which as ive said to us is a right kick in the … teeth and something beyond our control having our heads bitten off dare we mention “arent you putting any makeup on and high heels?” t

To us this is as hard to take and really confuddles us for years even making us think omg theres someone else or she cant be bothered to make an effort for me any more she cant be bothered and this can be a reawakening of crossdressing for compensation…

Sindy will say nonsense its comfort but it hurts us big time when we dont see a dress, your legs and heels and sexy lingerie any more we sulk not knowing what we’ve done wrong lol.

“If you keep such big, important secrets about who you really are, then the fallout is all yours and in my mind, crossdressers who lie should just suck up the feelings of rejection or move on”

WE are not keeping a big secret about “who we are” we’re keeping a secret that sometimes we like to present as women and its only presented as women as society says this is how man looks and this is how women looks and its weird for a man to look like a woman but ok for a woman to look like a man as simple as that its not who we are its something we do.. which is another topic discussed on here a few months back brought up by Katie and Savannah I believe.

We do suck up the feelings of rejection and move on and we tell you knowing it highly likely we will get rejection but we’ve told you our deepest secret warts and all.

Thats it all our skeletons out of the closet we’ve not had an affair, we’re not gay, we dont want a sex change, we’re not women trapped in a mans body, we’re not drug addicts, wife beaters or alcoholics we’re the men you fell in love with and every now and then we dress up as women it really is that simple as I keep saying the urge the relaxation the fun the feeling sexy (sounds silly I know to read but we do)

Lingering anger around crossdressing is not good as there will be resentment on both sides and its very unhealthy but we dont know the full story around why some women feel the resentment which may have been different with support early on and a different approach .. kids in a sweet shop scenario where a tgirl will take advantage may spoil things .. patience is a virtue.

Maybe my story’s slightly different but lots come back to dressing as life events change and some stop and some never dress again but we did and still do and decided ok this has stepped up a notch and become something we get an urge around now is time to tell her its something I / we do

So begins the process of “how the hell do I tell her I like to dress up as a woman and how will she react?”

We stew over it for weeks or months and then we do it and we feel sick doing it and we know we will not get “wow thats cool lets dress you up” we know we will get rejected and we hope we can discuss it and help you understand it and hope you will somehow accept it be it “ok you dress I want nothing to do with it” to the best case scenario some of us have found with our wives in here.

“Crossdressing causes rejection when it's not revealed on day one, and when both parties feel who they are is not what the other person wants. Could all be avoided by men being honest?”

WE are being honest – Day one of dating my gf now wife did I need to tell her I sometimes wore womens clothes?

Back then once or twice a year and done as a kid and teenager was it something we needed to discuss?

Movng in together trying on her things once or twice still not really crossdressing was it then time to tell her I crossdressed?

We’re all different but my crossdressing didnt kick off to more than a handfull of times per year until after we married accelerated with stress of work and life it just become something that helped me cope and I found I enjoyed it with the added element of my wife dressing me up out of curiosity as a woman which kick started a step change in wow she made me look like a woman I wonder if I can do that..

“Clearly, he doesn't know or even care who she really is, or he wouldn't have kept this from her, and now expect her to accommodate it...”

Again Nope we married you or dating you so we know you and if we tell you its because we really believe we know you and we trust and believe you will not freak out and will be ok with crossdressing, maybe not immediately as its a bombshell yes but if we didn’t believe you could cope and in some way come to terms with it we’d not have told you..

The reason for not telling you is there is a time and place for coming out as a crossdresser and its bloody hard to find that time and place to open up about it not knowing how you will react and feel about it and reading lots on the net about rejection and even divorce so its a big big big worry and big deal.. the biggest thing I’ve ever had to bring up with my wife which makes me really boring lol.

“Does he have any respect for her at all?”

YES the biggest respect and trust which is why we share this most deep and long kept secret with our wives and Gfs.

I would say those who choose to tell their wives have the upmost respect but saying that some who keep it secret also have the best interests of ther wives of Gfs at heart if they dont think their spouse will cope with knowing, but the risk of being caught out is there and some will say ahh the risk of being caught so you tell in case you get caught again NO but its better to be told than to find out?

“Has Candy / Davina replaced her?”

NO! Remember most of us crossdressed way before we met you so this question need not be asked.

“Do we think our wives / GFs bisexual? Lesbian?”

Lol NO! Why would we? After all aside from appearance we’re still men

That’s like saying does a wife expect a man to be gay or bisexual because he’s dressed as a woman he’s trying to attract men right? WRONG by ek are we and far from it.

“Who does he think she REALLY is? Clearly, he doesn't think she's the heterosexual woman?”

Eh EH Wrong of course we think you are heterosexual women why would we think any different due to the way WE sometimes dress up?

We are still that man you have always adored, broad shoulders and short dark / blonde / red hair, or even bald, that alpha male, sometimes arrogant, sometimes annoying, always sarcastic always loving and loyal man and we’re now standing there in a blonde wig and frock, calling ourself a fem name because we find it fun and it helps us escape the rubbish things about being a bloke all the time.

As simple as that and we don’t expect you to be okay with it but we fret over telling you and HOPE you’ll listen to our reasons and we HOPE you will accept it one day or learn to accept it for what it really is occasional, crossdressing a hand full of times per year.

“The entire relationship is built around us being one way, and now suddenly it's another”

But its not another apart from that hand full of times we dress as a woman but its still us.

“So who am I really?”

I’m that sarcastic, husband father and Engineer, I still love playing and watching sport and my sport teams and enjoy spending time with my wife and kids and wider family and friends.

No matter how I’m dressed but we draw the line at the kids finding out how Daddy dresses as to the kids I’m Batman not Batgirl

And there are other reasons from excluding the kids from crossdressing which is another topic as this is about the wife / girlfriend.

We’re not misrepresenting ourselves

We present ourselves as husbands, fathers, men we only represent as crossdressers a hand full of times per year “big deal” you have us as husbands, fathers and lovers and best friends 99% of the time we represent that way and represent as who we really are..

I’m not really Davina.. Davina is a name I use I’m still me when I put on makeup and a dress so I still represent myself in a form of escapism easier to call Davina..

When I work from home crossdressed I’m still me doing the same job just dressed different and that’s something I don’t think women get.

OK some t girls mince about and try to sound fem when they speak and if I ever do go out and this would take some practise I’d have to try to move and act more fem than I do when I currently dress

My wife says I’m different even nicer when I’m crossdressed but I don’t feel or think any different so don’t get that at all but she sees something different obviously appearance but something else too but its still me.. maybe I let my guard down a bit when I’m crossdressed only Esme can try to explain this.

“Wives can also feel rejected for WHO they are when their husband reveals he's a crossdresser. Not only is she so very disappointed that he didn't give her any choice in the matter, BUT she also feels as though he doesn't even know or accept her for who she is”

OK I get this 100% as one of my wifes questions was “Is it my fault you dress is it me” and the answer is “HELL NO!” the reasons I crossdress has very little to do with you and I say very little as in some relationships that change I go on about can occur and some dress as compensation as the wife or gf isn’t wearing the items of clothing which drives some to crossdress so we compensate a little by wearing ourselves.

I can tell all the ladies no your husband / bf does not crossdress because of you.. we didnt know you when we first started crossdressing as for most of us we started years before we met you and the seed was planted ..

The enjoyment and escapism even as a kid boys 2 men we feel pressure to look and act a certain way and crossdressing if we knew it or not helped us escape this pressure to be the alpha male we were being brought up to be.

It’s not a case of lying for years.

It’ss not easy to come out as a crossdresser as most wives will say no one would expect you to crossdress, exactly but we do, you nor anyone else expected your husband to say I need to tell you something I crossdress which makes it even harder to tell and to gain acceptance .

The supportive wives here were utterly devastated when they first found out but talking and trying to understand seems to have maintained some very healthy relationships mine included so rejection isn’t always inevitable or the end of things we have proof that initial rejection with effort and good communication and love to explain and effort to try to understand can work out eventually..

Consider our own internal turmoil with why we do this and consider we know we’re passing years of this turmoil onto you to disseminate in a short period of time and we seek acceptance and understanding.

For me it took a few years with Esme for others its taken months / weeks and for some resentment remains (was this down to communication and attitude / behaviour?)

We do bottle a lot of things up not just the urge and fun of crossdressing due to social pressure and eventually we trust someone enough and do put all our hopes taking a huge chance with our relationships into telling wives or GFS that we crossdress.

We dont go in hoping she has some magic potion to help us feel better about it but as we want to be honest about this part of us and we hope we’ll find some acceptance in the person we love and trust the most in this world

Getting rejected sucks but we can understand it and know it may happen but we confess to crossdressing anyway.

Women say how can dressing or appearing fem help us relax and de-stress?

Dunno but it does, same as we may think putting on a fake penis, jeans a football shirt and jeans hmmm how can that help a woman unwind again dunno but if it works it works … Esme no I dont want you to dress as a man lol whatever floats your boat hon x

Its not a case of it hurting to have your spouse openly dislike something about you that is so innate and important its not that at all as we have that every day.. we watch a lot of sport they dont like all / some of the sport and dont understand that live sport is live sport its not something we can record and watch at a later date like th X factor!

So we already have things they dont like.. they also don’t like us burping and farting which by the way it shocked me to find they do it too...

Abusers, cheaters and porn adicts are pretty full on full time behaviours but surely occasional flitting between essentially dressing up and switching genders (even just for fun) our entire lives and never told you is no where near as bad given we “have to hide this secret”

For most of us it can rescind and come back at a later date so we don’t say hi will you go out with my by the way I crossdress knowing a) she will run a mile b) we do think dating, marriage etc may see crossdressing dissapear… but then due to stress it may come back,

As explained before some of us dressed when younger as compensaiton for not seeing or having a gf so we’d dress and fantasise and we do it again later in life to again compensate when the gf / wife decides shes content and changes how she dresses.. flat shoes, trousers, rarely in a dress.. that old chestnut

But it doesn’t mean as Emma has done in going back to wearing heels and dresses (Esme has done similar wearing dresses and its nice for me xx) but doesnt mean we’ll stop dressing again as there are other reasons to dress one of them being we enjoy the escapism and how it feels and the health benefits it provides us somehow

To us surely rejection by wives of abusers, cheaters and porn addicts is a million miles away from finding out your husband is a crossdresser as we're not harming anyone or anything apart from maybe our wives feelings but all we're doing is dressing up as women as society deems wrong.

But seems not seems it falls within the same bracket of pervert and that hurts us as we’re not perverts but again rejection and we feel awful.

The womens rejection can be huge now here’s that comparison.

Your wife sits you down and says "sometimes I like to dress as a man" and you say well the flat shoes and trousers all the time a bit of a give away and she says "no I want to dress like a man look and act like a man.."

OK you say whateer floats your boat.. "and I want you to be ok with me as a man, see me as a man ok "

whatever its occassional right? "Yes when I get the urge.."

Ok you arrange a blokes night in and she presents to you with jeans trainers a football shirt fake stubble and a bulge in her trousers (after all we have fake boobs to help us look the part and shes got to look the part so has strapped on a fake penis.. ok you’d probably laugh as a bloke lol.)

But ok beer? "Yep".. beer, football your wife dressed as a bloke packing lol would you care .. nope as its still your wife dressed as a man once per month and when she works from home..

she wants to go out as a bloke ok upto you come on then lets go wouldn't bother me in the slightest..

Reverse it and its a huge deal and we don't get why and wives don't realise this nor how it makes us feel –

We know how it makes them feel from reading here and experiencing the rejection.

Sindys response and my thoughts and how men and women differ by miles on perception of crossdressing and kink for want of a better word.

Lingering anger from the past years as Yoda would say Anger leads to suffering the dark side… Its not good to let something stew and talking although hard is the key I think and the way you break the news that you’re a crossdresser and how you behave with it and explain your reasons which are many and varied as you strive to reassure your wife which for me took years and years but I wouldn’t let it lie as I needed to know she was comfortable with me crossdressing and the reasons I could give for doing it.

I would not like to think my wife bitterly resented me for being a crossdresser it gnaws at us and the guilty pangs are as damaging as stress which is the very reasons some of us dress or one reason with crossdressing giving a magical release from stress ..

As I’ve commented before I dressed from a young age liking the feel, graduating to being turned on by it as a teenager culminating in it being a form of fun and relaxation for me personally now among lots of reasons for dressing and have to dress fully or not at all.

It was hard being rejected by my wife when I told her especially never ever considering she would ask if I was gay which never ever crossed my mind after all id dress as a woman thinking about women and how they dress and how nice it would be to have a woman wearing the sexy lingerie, stockings heels etc i’m wearing even when married that compensation for wife / gf not wearing stockings and heels etc never once considered sexuality as part of what I was doing… always thought it something people frown upon but liked it so dressed in secret but always straight thinking

Lots of talking got us to points of acceptance along the way but still a lot of resentment but she’s been fairly brilliant in accepting this part of me which as i’ve stated is occasional and an unimportant important thing I do which I dont think I could stop or want to stop but think of as harmless dressing up thats all it is nothing more dont want to be a woman , have a sex change or live as a woman just nice when the urge arrives to be able to dress up / transform and have fun with trying to look real and get the benefits of some mystical relaxation which we dont take too serious which is why its so hard to take the rejection as its nothing a wife should worry about to have a crossdressing husband.. but they do

Most of the wives here have said how they feel but I dont think they realise the angst we’ve gone through all our lives having this secret not being able to share it wanting to talk about it especially pre internet as now we have forums and blogs and sites like TV chix where we can chat to others about our dressing but pre internet and pre these groups most of us thought we were alone in crossdressing until it dawned on us more people out there do this.

I also dont think we think its a big deal and wives and gfs do think its a big deal … ill elaborate on this in a minute with a comparison