By: Katie

Subject: What does a crossdresser want from a relationship?

I’ve been thinking for while what I actually want from the relationship I have with my wife with regard to my crossdressing. It’s always been difficult to actually pinpoint what I want as there are so many emotions spinning through my head and I’ve always tried to look at things from her perspective. However, I thought I’d have a go as it might help other wives in seeing it from the crossdressers point of view. It may sound a little selfish but I hope that it helps to develop a better understanding.

Firstly I think that the most important thing is that we are accepted for who we are. It hurts to be thought of as some sort of social pariah who isn’t fit to be a father. I’m sure that this is not how my wife feels but having seen post from wives on other sites it’s not an unusual reaction, which scares me. Yes it is shocking to find out that your other half has been dressing as a woman for most of his life, yes it is upsetting that you have been deceived but as the saying goes ‘far worse things happen at sea’. It never ceases to amaze me that women will stay in abusive relationships, stand by their ‘man’ never mind how vile or despicable he might be but if he crossdresses then he’s out. It’s just a matter of standing back from the situation and looking at it from a different angle. As I said I think my wife has done this but I don’t truly know which brings me onto the second point.

Not talking about it or even acknowledging it happens may work for my wife but it does make me feel a little confused (what is she really thinking). I don’t talk about as I don’t want to rock the boat and I’m also not very good at communicating my feelings so we just drift on through life without it ever being mentioned. Yes there are more important things in life than crossdressing but it is still part of who I am.

Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s not a big deal to her and shouldn’t be to me either it’s just at times I’d like to be able to talk about it openly in a relaxed way. I get quite tense and defensive and still feel the need to hide this part of my life, which I wish I didn’t have to. I’ve got no problem in keeping it away from the kids but I love my wife and feel that I am still deceiving her.

She doesn’t know when I’ve dressed or if I bought anything new for myself, which leads to this feeling of deception. I don’t expect to have to tell her every time I’ve dressed but it would be nice to talk to her about things like prospective purchases so I don’t feel this way.

I’m not saying it needs to be the topic of conversation everyday but just something that is normal, you know ‘How was work today?’ ‘Fine’ end of conversation unless something happened at work that was important! It doesn’t need to be a big deal. ‘I like the way XXX is dressed do you think it’ll suit me?’ in casual conversation.

My wife often asks if there is anything I need. I’d love to be able to say ‘can you pick me up a pair of tights’ but don’t feel I can. She also asks what I’d like for my birthday or Christmas. Again I’d love to say ‘I’ve seen this really nice dress, skirt, top etc.’ but instead say nothing and end up with something that useful but means less to me. It would means so much if my wife actually bought me an item of women’s clothing, especially if it was a surprise. To me that would be a form of acceptance and would really reinforce our love. Soppy maybe but it would show that’s she’s thinking of me as the whole person and not just part.

Of course I don’t want to be one of my wife’s ‘girlfriends’ all the time. I’m her husband and still enjoy the masculine part of my life. I want to be considered the male in the relationship doing all those ‘manly’ things. I run the kids football team; help them with their cricket, DIY etc. acting as a male role model. I go down the pub for a lad’s night out and drink too much beer, come home and fart and snore all night. You know, typical male things! I want to be her rock, the solid foundation on which our family is built. I don’t want to parade around in heels and dresses all day long - just occasionally when I feel like it.

I do, however, like the idea of a ‘girls night in’ where I can metaphorically let my hair down and talk to my wife in a completely different way to I do (or don’t) normally. I think I’d find it nerve wracking and exciting at the same time but hopefully it would enable me to open up to her even more as I’d be totally exposed with my defenses down. Maybe it would just help in it being ‘normal’.

I think that many of you can talk openly and discuss crossdressing without shame or embarrassment. Even to the extent of having a ‘girls night in’. It’s really this being able to talk about it as if it’s just part of everyday life that I crave. Just accepting it’s part of the whole package and loving me for it.