By: Davina

Subject: Re: Question

What happens if I dress?

Well its been about 8 weeks since I last crossdressed when away with work in a hotel in Derby and I packed Davina as an opportunity to dress and was nice working on the laptop as Davina oh and what sparked this long bout of chatter I chatted to a real woman wife of a tgirl on skype face to face albeit over webcams and Sindy scalded me for doing it lol

If I don't dress hmmmm

The urge can come and go as seeing a woman presented well making the effort to look nice in a supermarket may make me think I'd love to go home now and get dolled up or work may be uber stressful and I think I could do with dressing to unwind (work is always uber stressful) but its changed slightly in that I used to dress, maybe just put on lingerie and a dress and heels but now I prefer to put on makeup and the wig and dress fully or I don't do it at all so opportunity and time to dress up is a rarer thing for me ie if I don't have quality time to enjoy being crossdressed I wont do it which makes the next opportunity even better after a long stretch of not dressing.

Like anything else if you cant do something you enjoy you get grumpy, depressed, stressed or unhappy', this can happed to me if I know my football teams on TV but I cant watch it or if my rugby teams at home and I cant get to the game as I'm away with work..

Crossdressing is one of the fun enjoyable things I do so if I cant dress sure I get cranky but unlike football or rugby where I remain kranky if my team loses or plays badly after crossdressing the calmness remains ie I know I have a chance to dress up and think this will be good I'm looking forward to it in anticipation then I get made up and enjoy that aspect then I'm dressed and relaxation and sometimes sexiness / hornyness washes over me but then times up and I'm back to male me but the euphoria remains for a good few hours later. It really is a pill free stress relief crossdressing for me anyway.

Golf, football, rugby, surfing, or whatever is a choice and so is crossdressing - I chose to do it it doesn't control me "The wand choses the wizard Harry" is not the same with crossdressing not for me anyway... I can see a pair of high heels and not have to try them on lol.

However I cannot speak for everyone and for some men crossdressing will control them and their urge is greater than mine.

My wife notices how when I dress I'm different and after dressing I'm more chilled out so I think she sees it as a positive for me this fancy dress makarky as Emma has just referred to it in one post and that is what my wifes said about it I just think of it as you in fancy dress and that's ok by me as that's all I'm doing still me but looking "Fabulous Darling!" lol .

Crossdressing has no hold over me as I understand it and I am controlling my urges to crossdress

So 8 weeks in since I last crossdressed and last crossdressed only as the opportunity was there and like I've said 12-14 times per year I crossdress so very occasional although I do feel at the moment like its time I got all dolled up but mainly as I've not done it for 2 months.

I think in my mind that idea of a girls night in trying on all my dresses with my wife and having a sort out is the main idea in my mind for my next session as Davina withmy wife also getting dolled up maybe let me do her makeup and try on dresses and heels too but that comes down to circumstances and agreement with my wife and the kids staying on a Friday or Saturday night as grandparents so we have the house to ourselves curtains closed but would be fab if that was my next dressing opportunity.

Also diet and fitness has taken over my psyche at the moment out walking / running and dieting to lose the lbs before our hols abroad so even less time to crossdress..

I may get a day working from home next week and maybe I'll have a good shave and when the kids go off to school get all tarted up an work from home as Davina but if I don't I know another opportunity will arise..

The most annoying thing is thinking you have opportunity to dress then things change and you don't get the chance which can be disappointing but you know there will be other times and the worst is you get dolled up and your makeup is perfect and you look in the mirror and think wow I really do look good today then something happens and you have to get changed back pronto and waste all the makeup!!!

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Question

Oh god no. That would be really odd lol. But I never ever see him as female. Even dressed I didn't see him as someone different and I figure our vows weren't 'woman and woman' so he's always a 'he' to me.

Happy to call others 'she' though. I have no problem with it. Maybe it's weirder for a wife? I like the inner bitch idea though - your wife is smart lol.

By: Davina

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Question

Of course we don't mind the questions its bloomin fun answering them lol

We are Katie and Davina here but in made up names only I don't expect anyone to call me Davina its just a screen name made up for here like I've said before I don't think of myself as Davina but its useful to have a name for reference to the alter ego lol.

I don't mind being called he, him, or she but not IT!!

Its sometimes easier when referring to a crossdresser to call her her or she... Thinking of it I think my wife sometimes refers to Davina as her oh and sometimes calls her my inner bitch..

You are free to say "I chatted to Davina and he said this or that the same as you are free to say I chatted to Dvina and she said this or that.."

Probably more flattering to refer to us as her or she but doesn't bother me.

yes 99% of the time i'm sat her typing this in tracksuit bottoms or jeans and t shirt and 1% of the time maybe I type it crossdressed so in those terms calling me her or she when I have a beard is pretty weird I suppose. lol

Some however want to be referred to as She and get cross if you say he or him but that's just sad.. So for convention call us what you like

Do you ever refer to your husbands as She or Her?

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Question

Thanks Sindy.

As I said before answering questions and reading your answers challenges my thoughts and opinions which is always good and healthy.

Maybe Davina could condense some of the questions and answers into the 'help and advice section'.

With regard to the he / she debate it really depends upon the situation. I also struggle when talking about crossdressers and normally avoid using he / she at all in a bid not to offend. I usually just use the name that they are going by or 'you' if seeking directly.

Personally it doesn't bother me either way as some of time I posting / reading as male me and others as Katie. The fact I don't identify as a female probably makes it easier in my situation.

It did, however, seem strange to be called 'Sir' on the one occasion I was dressed in front of another GG. When I went to see the personal shopper she was very good and it's probably easier face to face not to use 'he' or 'she'. But the older lady who did a make up test called me 'Sir' which was probably a bit uncomfortable for both of us. I guess it's the corporate way - you either address as 'Sir' or 'Madam'. I know quiet a few stores will give gender eduction to staff but it can still be a bit confusing. That's part of the reason for the long emails back and forth with the personal shopper. Didn't want it to be a shock to either party and I wanted to make sure she was comfortable with the situation.

By: Sindy

Subject: Re: Re: Question

Blow that trumpet away, Katie's lol. I think your wife and Davinas wife are two of the lucky ones. And I know you've answered most of these questions to me now and despite the blah days I'm doing okay. I just figure it's worth asking them individually in case any other wives stumble across this blog with the same questions and concerns I've always had. Wondering what will happen to your husband of he doesn't dress is a worry so this should alleviate some of that for them.

I hope you and Davina don't mind if I keep asking these questions? I do think it's helpful for anyone reading here. Otherwise it's just a bunch of crossdressers telling Davina how awesome she is. Which is true and maybe Davina misses that haha.

By the way, I know you're Katie and Davina here, but I always feel a bit weird calling you 'she' when I know neither of you identifies that way. But what do you prefer? Is it too weird to say 'I spoke to Katie and HE said...' ?? I mean, I'm guessing most of the time you're posting here in guy clothes and you're getting called a she. That must sound sort of funny from your end haha.

I'll call you both whatever you wish. He, she, or it. :)

By: Katie

Subject: Re: Question

I think if anyone was denied something that they wanted to do it would make them unhappy. Especially if it was normally easily accessible. You might also feel grumpy so I think that these are normal responses.

I don't think I'd get depressed or stressed. Dressing relieves the stress built up from other areas in my life, it is not the cause of the stress.

There must be a trigger for the need to dress. I didn't dress for most of my 20's. Young, free and single. The big trigger seemed to be a stressful time in my life when for some reason I went back to it. It might have just been a coincidence, I don't know, but really since my mid-30s I've been dressing again. As Davina has said sometimes you'll get the opportunity and just can't be bothered or don't want to.

For this reason I don't think that it is an addiction in the same way as smoking or drinking. When both of those get hold of you they are very destructive. My ex-brother in law was a heavy drinker and it ruined his marriage, his life and affected all his family. An ex-smoker or alcoholic are always walking a thin line as they are powerful drugs for those with addictive natures.

Does it concern me that it has a hold over me? Life would be easier (and less expensive) if I didn't dress. I think that I can control it and the benefits to me mentally and physically outweigh the negative impacts on my life.

I know I didn't choose to be a crossdresser and I don't believe that day I chose to try on my mums clothes was a conscious choice. At that age human beings are impulsive so I had no control over the decision I made.

Crossdressing is part of who I am and I believe that there are far worse things that I could be than a crossdresser. I know it's a bit of a cliche but I could be mentally and physically abusive to my wife. I am also not naive enough to believe that there are not crossdressers who are mentally and physically abusive but from the reading I have done an general observations crossdressers do seem to be a placid bunch. Most forum posts show that they care about their wives and the biggest fear is always losing them. Generally they also seem to be pretty loyal to their wives and partners - any break up of a marriage seems to induce much soul searching on the forums with the question 'was my crossdressing to blame' being high on the agenda.

I think I read somewhere that most crossdressers are middle aged, with good incomes and above average intelligence. Seems to fit the bill even if I might be blowing my own trumpet!

I think that it did freak me out in the past. But having come to terms with my crossdressing I am in a better place than I have ever been with it. As I've said before asking and answering questions here has been important in coming to terms with it. It has really only been the last 3 years that I have looked for answers and felt in someways normal.