By: Sindy
Subject: Holiday outing...
Here's a question for y'all:
It seems the silly season can send quite a few people literally silly, and I remember years ago finding out that a couple of the husbands of wives I chatted to managed to get 'outed' by family over the holidays.
My question to the men here is why is being seen and discovered such a common need for men who crossdress? Even the very private dressers seem to have spells where being 'outed' would make them happy. Why?
For the other wives here (and hubby's can answer on their behalf), would your husband outing himself be a dealbreaker?
I don't really know the answer to the first part as I've seen a lot of this 'oops, I got caught dressing' stuff and it's always perplexed me why men would take these risks. I mean, once Aunt Bertha and Uncle Fred know you're a crossdresser, that's who you will be to them. People don't compartmentalize these things very well. I've asked my husband once whether he'd like being seen as 'the crossdresser' and he didn't really understand why people would think that. But they do. Gay people are often referenced as gay first. Sad but true. So if you're outed, you're essentially putting yourself in a tiny box labeled 'Crossdresser'. So why do they take this risk?
As for the second part, yes, it's a dealbreaker for me. Im not interested in an alternative lifestyle, especially someone else's, and once you're out then so are all your relationships by default. I have zero interest in that scenario so my husband knows if he messes up, then our marriage is likely over. Very depressing thought. This is why when everyone says crossdressing is harmless, it is when it's controlled, but it can also be very damaging if it drags other people into lifestyles they didn't agree to. I saw a very sad video a few years back of a broken looking woman whose husband suddenly came out as a crossdresser, started dressing all the time, even at work, and forced the whole thing on her and the kids. The poor woman looked on the verge of a nervous breakdown while he was giddy with joy. I doubt very much their marriage survived. :(
So, definite dealbreaker for me. If I wanted to live an alternative lifestyle I can think of something infinitely more fun than crossdressing. I think I'd rather join the Furries. At least they're cute and cuddly lol!!
Thoughts?
By: Davina
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Holiday outing...
I understand if there are other issues which make anyone more inflexible at being defined by someone else's lifestyle. I also get how it might affect how other people who know a husband is a crossdresser behave around a wife as a result of a HUSBANDS choices be it Crossdressing or their outed fetish or off the norm behaviour.
I also applaud any woman who can support her husband if her husband does become a public crossdresser but I’m typing more the outed discovered Crossdresser not necessarily a husband crossdressing publicly but more people knowing he crossdresses.
I take pride in how I look as a bloke designer stubble et all and I take pride in how I look when I crossdress but that’s for my own enjoyment not anyone else’s. So if anyone discovered a photo of Davina a) They may not think it’s me b) if they do think it’s me at least they will say I look good.
Agreed in a crossdressing relationship only the husband enjoys the lifestyle, yet if he decides to go public, the wife must also live it. And the kids. And Grandma.etc etc....
Without discussion to out oneself it would be unfair but sometimes being outed can be accidental then its damage limitation making sure whoever found out is put in the picture correctly not allowing assumption .. eg if say my mum in law found out I crossdressed I’d want her to know why I crossdress and get her to hopefully understand it and explain that my wife doesn’t want everyone to know, then if she told others well we’d have to deal with that.
I also get that Sindy cant be bothered pretending to accommodate things that don't interest her but men have to accommodate things that weren’t apparent when we married also and we get on with it like less of a sex life and less of wives making an effort to look how we like them to look like they looked when they first attracted us and sometimes later in life men will take to crossdressing to make up for this.
Crossdressers and straight women - who gets to be authentic? - Both do, you get a straight normal husband and wife life and a life occasionally very occasionally when your husband crossdresses as it’s not like its an every day thing or in public openly. How would he be if he didn’t crossdress? What if this meant he was stressed out and miserable in the husband – wife life? What if the crossdressing makes the husband – wife life better somehow.
Katie is right as the pressure of hiding yourself away as a crossdresser can be stressful and wanting to tell someone can be as stressful being scared of losing someone. This is also very frustrating where we feel crossdressing is well just crossdressing and nothing much deeper than that for most.
The alternative (being outed) is also stressful it does bring with it a certain release of all those pent up emotions but I suppose its how one is outed… Out yourself or outed by someone who finds out about the crossdressing... and if its malicious or not.
We have to get our own heads around why we crossdress to the greatest extent possible before sharing that we do it and I guess outing oneself is something a couple should discuss but back to the accidental outing it needs to be controlled.
Talking authenticity the authentic me is me the man the Alpha male thats me Davina is pure escapism and not the full on me but a part of me maybe an essential part.
I don’t think me being outed as a crossdresser would affect anything it wouldn’t affect work other than sniggering and if my wife wanted to leave because people found out I crossdressed I’d struggle to get my head around her reasoning and would expect her reaction and mine to be more “So what”
Sindy has said before that the fact that a husband is a crossdresser should not or would not reflect badly on them as wives.
It would be great to get a real perspective on this from a tgirl who has outed herself or been outed by someone else.
If it meant the kids would know then all card and explanations would have to be on the table to the kids yes Daddy dresses up as a woman its just a bit of fun and helps him relax etc etc offering them assurance.. if then their friends knew and friends parents etc it would be difficult especially if the kids got teased or bullied about their “tranny dad” but I think I would know how to cope and deal with that should that ever occur.
Back to authentic lives remember we’re talking crossdressing here not a transvestite full time dressing like a woman life choice as most in here are authentically men with crossdressing a mere escapism.
The urge can come and go from days to weeks to years as mines been strong as a teenager, less in my 20s then picked up in late 20’s into my 40’s (just).. But once a month will suffice.
Again with the internet which I didn’t have as a kid either Katie its now a lot easier to find out about crossdressing but I never looked up anything about it until mid 20s and wanting to connect with others to discuss the why do we dress.
Kids are more aware of sexuality my daughters 10 and recently commented on a homophobic comment from me about girls having girlfriends and boys boyfriends stating matter of factly its ok which shes learnt from youtube vloggers apparently.
Its an awkward one as I’ve said we need someone who’s been outed to comment here for real perspective.