By: Davina

Subject: Bit of a catch up

We tell our wives about our crossdressing as there is special a bond (my wifes my best friend) and we want them to know the truth as we know society shapes the way people even our wives feel and think so a confession of “I crossdress” will bring concern and worry which is why coms are important and its put over as painless as possible even if its to us stupid to think its a painful thing as we feel (and know it’s harmless)

We don’t tell parents or siblings as we don’t feel they need to know or judge us we have a different type of bond with family than we do with our wives.

Katie is right we start young in our mums things and for anyone who’s caught (I wasn’t I don’t think… they never said anything) parents will stop the behaviour telling you it is wrong, then it does become a secret… For me it was a secret from the start even from young realising it wasn’t the norm even before the internet was invented lol.

As I got older into teens it definitely became a sexual thing getting off on it so hardly going to tell parents oh I dress up in lingerie and then toss off… well teenage boys toss off anyway.

After all discussing anything sexual with your parents is cringe worthy!

It is then a pattern difficult to break.

Telling ones wife is a deep secret shared and I cant stress enough the risk men take telling their wives and gfs that we crossdress knowing the probable reaction… but we shouldn’t keep secrets in a relationship which is why we feel the need to share this secret.

Now the participation – Acceptance is great and levels of acceptance can be set as I’ve said previously dress when home alone, leave no evidence, dress away with work in a hotel etc etc all different levels of acceptance then like Emma you may go and have fun with it which is great, I feel my wife tolerates it but doesn’t worry about it and is ok if I dress working from home and we’ve had girls nights in but for others they don’t want to be part of it and that’s fine as long as there isn’t animosity… The irksome behaviour of the husband who wants his wife to participate isn’t one of looking to annoy it’s one of wanting to somehow show the wife or GF it’s not as bad as she thinks its one of wanting to reassure.. if the wife or gf still doesn’t want to be involved then that’s that fine but coms need to remain open and the wife needs to say stop at the level shes most comfortable with but levels can be renegotiated ie Katie wants to talk to her wife.. the letter.. nothing more said .. probably doesn’t want to talk about it and happy to maintain the status quo..

I think it a lil strong to say “a wife who doesn't divorce him over crossdressing IS accepting” I think that’s scary that a woman would divorce a man just because of crossdressing without discussing and trying to understand it and coming to a compromise.. I mean to say a “Davina type crossdresser isnt that bad” and there are worse things for grounds for divorce..

We would love a wife who ENJOYS cross dressing none of us would deny that but the main underlying thing for us is we don’t want our wives and Gfs worrying about the crossdressing we want to reassure our wives and gfs and that’s our main drive for wanting to talk about it and for wanting some form of participation as above to say look its still me its not that bad..

The irk that a man wont march into Christmas dinner and say merry Christmas I dress as a woman lol this would seem to be an act of madness and would probably spoil christmas.

How do wives get a raw deal out of their husbands confessing to crossdressing showing trust and honesty? If a compromise is taken of ok you crossdress crack on its not something I want to be involved with what’s the raw deal? Like my wife says its just like you in fancy dress..

I wouldn’t say we bully wives into any participation as I’ve already mentioned it’s us wanting to reassure and not knowing how to do it and worrying about what to say and how to start the conversation and how our wives will react.

Men do feel rejected but women don’t realise this and I’m not talking crossdressing I’m talking other things like a night out or a hug or a kiss little things can make a man feel rejected but where a woman will give the “silent treatment” men bottle it up.

I’ve never come across any T-girls who have told me their wife is horrid as they won't apply his make up or have a 'girls night in' or share clothing together or try to force this on their wives.. I’ve had plenty of Crossdressers ask me how I got my wife to accept my crossdressing and my answer is I didn’t. We talked about it and her acceptance really came after she met me dressed when I was working from home maybe similar to Emmas acceptance.

I wouldn’t say a man who wants to talk about his crossdressing borders on emotional abuse if his intention is one of wanting to explain himself and to put his wife or gfs mind at ease.

I also wouldn’t use the word intimacy or describe it as an intimate activity as again its acceptance and understanding we want (Intamacy when crossdressed would be a huge bonus but we could never expect this to happen) but intimacy between husband and wife is important and crossdressing doesn’t have to be a blocker on this ie he crossdresses so that’s a passion killer.. when he’s not crossdressed? He’s the same man? Of course he is and his crossdressing is occassional yet for some wives and gfs the thought can be a passion killer this has to be worked on.

If there’s lack of intimacy altogether if crossdressing is part of it or not it needs work and needs to have some careful treading and communication.

What's going through the mind of my younger self when crossdressing? Sex, women, sexy lingerie and getting myself off is the honest truth of why I used to dress when I was a teenager into 20s.

Yes I did stand there in makeup, wig, lingerie dress and heels and think “Oh yeh”, but I never thought “I can't wait to share this with women...they're gonna find it so sexy” I thought “I cant wait to get my hands on a woman wearing these things for me”

Teenage Crossdressers are thinking I cant wait to have a gf wearing these things they’re not for one minute thinking I wonder if I can get a gf who will let me wear this with her.

Men know full well and understand that most women are not turned on by crossdressing which is why its such a big secret and we do it behind closed doors in secret and worry about telling our wives worried about their reaction and how they’d view us.

“If your wife hates the dressing but she hasn't left you, she has accepted your 'crazy' so move on already and give her the respect you give everyone else” may be true for some wives but if that’s so the wife needs to say that’s so or the crossdresser will keep pushing to try to gain a verbal acceptance and keep on trying to reassure the wife so get the limits set and an understanding set so not to let coms go stale and so not to let crossdressing fester in a relationship.

I understand Sarahs rant about women making more of an effort for their husbands although there isn’t a way of putting this over without it being misconstrued as sexist when it is probably meant in a more caring way.. one of those awkward things to talk about but we know that women become content and some don’t feel the need to get glammed up and we have to begrudgingly understand this. But no doubt if we grew a huge beard and smelled and had a beer belly our wives would have something to say about it.. Its just one of those things where women can say something that a man cannot and there’s no good way of stating this either – I hate the politically correct brigade as they have made things so awkward to discuss without the Monty Python you said Jehova ooooo you said it again.. stone him scenario….

I wont get involved in the ensuing argument lol as Katie said its easy to light to touch paper with misconstrued messages and easy once the touch paper is lit for insults to be traded.

What I do notice though about Sarah is I don’t think the problems are anything to do with Crossdressing (Just seems you’re using crossdressing to cope and escape?) and all to do with a bit of depression or self esteem? And I’ve said before counselling isn’t something I’d ever dream of myself but in your case it might be a good thing?