Dressing once per month my average probably 10 times per year = 2.7% of the year so is very occassional lol

And this NIMBY issue really is a big one, you’re tight.

I think. Women can get behind the right to crossdressing in general, which is an open minded trait and I don't think we can dismiss that true but as long as it’s not your husband lol.

I’m trying to think what act would I be ok some other woman doing but not my wife?

How is it women think its ok as long as it doesnt happen to them?

Is that right 8% of marriages usually end over a crossdressing reveal? Where did that come from? Lol

My wife decided initially said ok if you must do it keep me out of it.

Emma is a rare gem here I agree and was brave that she experimented and is now involved

We’re all different and it is such an individual issue and only the couple can figure this part out themselves and the right communication is key from the start

The occasional crossdresser is misrepresented in all this trans specrum as expectation and what people think crossdressing is isnt necessarily what or who we are.

Its easy to talk light hearted about crossdressing its hard to explain it as part of us and an unimportant important part of us…

It's a more than a shame that for a man to do this he essentially must 'out' himself to his friends and everyone else as a crossdresser its a massive step and risk to how people then perceive you as a man gay tranny etc 2.7% of the year crossdressing 07.3% of the year a fully fledged alpha male with that 2.7% escapism.

Younger men may find it easier although at the same time more women are showing masculine traits and wearing flats and trousers … maybe we’ll see a fashion reversal in the next 300 years lol.

Crossdressing comes up in conversation quite often so may someday be 'normalised' however its usually talked about in jest not seriously but I have been tempted but would out myself in doing so to talk about it seriously… would be nice to talk to others seriously about crossdressing which is why chatting to accepting wives and other crossdressers is nice to do.

Inexplicably it can be just a form of relaxation and expression for many men but donning my favourite football shirt for a night of game watching isnt always relaxing especially if they lose I sulk badly.

It's funny isn't it - I'm guessing most men would say they hardly ever get to crossdress as they only do it once a month or whatever. Wives would probably say he's always dressing because he's does it once a month lol. Perspective really is everything.

And this NIMBY issue really is a big one, I think. Women can get behind the right to crossdressing in general, which is an open minded trait and I don't think we can dismiss that. But these same open minded women would not want their own husband to do it. That said, as Katie mentioned, if it turns out he did then I expect the wife would behave like the rest of us and like statistics have shown (only 8% of marriages usually end over a crossdressing reveal) and she would carry on with the relationship but likely tell him to keep her out of it. Emma is a rare gem here in that she wanted to involve herself and it has worked well. I involved myself and it made things a whole lot worse. This is such an individual issue and only the couple can figure this part out themselves.

I don't, however, mean that men should spend all their days dressed as women to find the rare gems lol. That likely won't work very well and it misrepresents the occasional dresser. No, I mean he should talk about it freely with prospective partners as though it were just a light-hearted but important part of his life. A bit like a guy bringing up his football obsession - most women will shrug and roll their eyes on that haha, but she will also appreciate his honesty and relaxed attitude about it.

It's a shame though, that for a man to do this he essentially must 'out' himself to his friends and everyone else. It won't be for the faint of heart and young men may have to fight prejudice in the beginning. But how can crossdressing become 'normalised' if no one ever discusses (except us here lol) and it is treated like this dirty little secret? If it really is just a form of relaxation and expression for many men (and I expect it is) and not much different than the guy donning his favourite football shirt for a night of game watching, then why shouldn't it become casual conversation like everything else?

Nice to read Sindy thinking we’re one of the GOOD ones and we’re not perfect at communicating with out wives about crossdressing but communication is the key.

My wife says she doesnt realise it but when I do bring up crossdressing the majority of the time she will shut down about the subject and change the subject as it obviously makes her uncomfortable which is why I say shes accepting but more tolerates my crossdressing than wants to be involved but I suppose I can only gain clarification on this if she’d come in and give her thoughts to the forum.

I also happen to think that I make a good husband and father and would put myself up against anyone to find fault in how I live my life and look after my family with crossdressing being a small part of it insignificant but necessary and enjoyable.

Like Katie we've been married nearly 20 years and we still love each other and Our kids are our lives.

The majority of my life is spent living as an alpha male

My wife tells me about friends and collegues and problems in their relationships and some are so mundane problems and some are quite serious problems and I think all I do out of the norm is Crossdress 10-12 times per year aside from that we’ve not got a troubled reationship compared to lots of friends, family members and collegues.

No one expects lesbians to put aside their preferences and date straight men, and this shouldn't be expected of straight women and crossdressers but theres a huge difference her as crossdressing isnt a sexuality I crossdress and Im a man married to a woman and im straight in terms of im a man I fancy women so its a little different.

We’re asking for some form of acceptance we’re not asking our wives to jump into bed with us when we’re crossdressed although we’d love that to happen.

Its not socially acceptable currently for a man to fully and openly wear their crossdressing status proudly to find those rare women who appreciate it enough to take the difficulties remembering we’re not full time we’re occasional crossdressers a few times per year.

Young crossdressers research and learn from us older dudes and work out how you can live a life of openness and honesty! And if you do get rejected whats more important someone who loves you for you or someone who cannot see past something like crossdressing and will give up on you?

Blunt I know but as in another thread open mindedness and acceptance is a two way street but dont rule out compromise entirely its only dressing up!!

It does seem the more accepting are more care free open minded types (Emma springs to mind)

Most women will have no problem with crossdressers as long as their husband isnt one then its hard to cope with.

I think being open minded plays a big part in acceptance further than tolerance.

Hi Sindy

I know. We're coming at this from different angles but there has to be a point where we can both agree!

I'm the one who is the crap communicator. I'm more open on here than at home - I guess it's the anonymity!

I think everyone would like to think they had the 'perfect' partner. And I'm sure that she'd sooner I wasn't a crossdresser but it's not a deal breaker. She can live with it on her terms. She's very accepting and not at all judgemental (or at least until she gets to know someone) which is one of her qualities.

She's very matter of fact and I'd soon know if there was a problem. I play by the rules and we're fine. She still show love and affection even after so long lol.

Katie

You probably wish Davina didn't tell me about the copy and paste, Katie lol. Seems I'm always here stabbing the knife in, doesn't it! But no, I'm really not stabbing you, I promise. Just discussing my side and other wives, and it isn't always on the side of the crossdresser. It can't be - I'm not a crossdresser. I can't know that side.

But, about your response - I think YOU are one of the GOOD ones. You and Davina. Makes me realise I have an okay one but possibly not an easy one. My husband has been crap at communication and so many other things related to all this that there was no hope of us coming out unscathed. I really did deserve more of a choice as it wasn't what I hoped for. I guess it's what I got - if I were a religious person I'd be maybe asking why me? Thankfully, I'm not haha.

Katie, you sound like you're in a very supportive marriage, but given your wife's communication reluctance, do you ever worry she's in the NIMBY camp and that's why she never says anything? I only ask because I tend to shut down about subjects that make me uncomfortable - and I know I'm projecting. But still, it's a valid question...

Hi Sindy

Your comments suggest that we spend our whole lives dressed as women being repulsive to the opposite sex. We don't. Some crossdressers will only get the opportunity to dress once or twice a year (or even a decade). Some crossdressers spend their whole time dressing in private. Some are still in the closet and other in a DADT relationships where their partner has never seen / sees them dressed. Should we all be labelled as 'unsuitable for the majority of women' destined to live a life of solitude and ridicule?

I happen to think that I make a good husband and father. We've been married nearly 25 years and we still love each other. Our kids are our lives. The majority of my life is spent living as a 'normal' man. My wife has never seen me dressed and has no desire to do so. A part from the fact she knows I dress we have a normal life. We have our arguments but never about crossdressing. She's only mentioned crossdressing once (to seek reassurance) and as far as she is concerned 'it's just something I do'. She's not the sort to bottle up her emotions if something is wrong, in fact she will always tackle a problem head on. She doesn't want to participate as it 'my thing' but that's fine with me. Does she judge me as being less of a man - no. Is she repulsed by men in the bedroom - no. Does she spend her life thinking of men dressed as a woman - no, in her words she has 'far more mundane things to think about'.

I don't think that 'uncomplicated' relationships actually exist and if you believe they do then I think you're living in a fantasy world. The 'and they lived happily ever after' only exists in fairy tales - 'they worked happily ever after' does exist. You need to work at a relationship, warts and all. That's what I do and I'm sure the majority of crossdressers do the same.

So, crossdressing causes complication. Yes it does for some. Does it cause the break ups in the majority of marriages - no, there are normally other far more serious problems in the relationship. Is it an insurmountable problem - no.

So don't go shouting from the roof tops that you are a crossdresser. Most people aren't to bothered either way. For some it might be a little titilation for a week or so but they'll soon get bored. The problem can be as big or small as you make it. Talk about it and get it straight in your head. If there are problems face up to them and find a solution. DADT seems to work in the majority of cases. If you can't cope get out the relationship but be aware that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. The is no Mr or Mrs Perfect, there is no 'uncomplicated and easy' relationships that last.

My sister is living with us at the moment because her 'uncomplicated and easy' relationship got turned on it's head when his kids moved in with them. She's having to deal with two teenage daughter!

Relationships change and we have to move on and adapt. Yes it does mean compromise on both sides but that's the price we pay. The easy things to do is walk away instead of putting in the hard work. Sometime life is about being 'quietly unsatisfied' but sometimes we also need to be thankful for what we've got. It's a glass half full or half empty moment. We can all be jealous of other people but deep down I wouldn't swop my life for anyone else's. I'll settle for being a crossdresser as there are far worse traits that I could have which maybe acceptable to some women but are not acceptable to me.

Katie

I thought the above link was interesting. If you read the highlighted comments, you'll see the pattern emerge that most women seem okay with crossdressers but wouldn't want to be in a relationship with one. I didn't see that as bigotry or small mindedness - just reality. Crossdressing is a selective taste that only a few people are into. No one expects lesbians to put aside their preferences and date straight men, and this shouldn't be expected of straight women and crossdressers. Young women sift through their preferences when dating and if a guy so much as breathes funny he can be quickly ditched, let alone a guy sporting a female alter ego! For a young attractive woman with many options who desires an uncomplicated relationship, why walk a difficult path if you don't have to?

Instead, men should wear their crossdressing status proudly and find those rare women who appreciate it enough to take the difficulties. Sure, we can all have relationships where we work at it and compromise and establish boundaries and spend our lives quietly unsatisfied - OR we could marry someone who adores every part of us from DAY ONE. I dated a guy for years who I felt this way about. We didn't work out, but I know what that feels like. It's easy - that's how it feels. Uncomplicated and easy. I sort of have these days with my husband now as we're just too middle aged to care.lol. But in our earlier years my relationship with him was anything but easy, thanks to the dressing, and I would have swapped it in a heartbeat for a simpler relationship if I hadn't felt so tangled up about it all. Crossdressing is anything but easy.

Ah well, such is life. Young crossdressers, please, go and live a life of openness and honesty! You might be rejected more times than not, but when you do meet a partner you will know she adores every, single part of you. Trust me, that is better than a life of compromise and denial.

A variety of opinions but until you're actually in the position of being in a relationship with a crossdresser I think it's hard to give a definative answer. As you said your fine with men who crossdress just NIMBY.

Emotions come into play. Some women who said no way may feel differently if they find themselves in love with a crossdresser. Equally some with an open mind may find it difficult when actually faced with the situation.

As I said the probem is when do you tell. Too soon and they may run away telling all your friends and family. Too late and you're being decietful. Keeping this secret is deeply ingrained because of societies views on crossdressing so letting it out is very difficult. We need to trust somebody deeply and even then there is the feeling that you are protecting the person you love from the truth by not telling.

As the wife of a crossdresser you have to deal with the shock of the situation and how it makes you feel, we've had to deal with this since we were small boys which in some cases is a long time lol.

Katie

https://www.sisterhouse.net/library/womens-attitudes-towards-crossdressing/

Hi Sindy

I do believe that somebody with an open mind will be able to better accept that a person crossdresses.

As I said 'You have a right to crossdress but equally your partner doesn't have a duty to like it or participate. Respect each others opinions but do not force your own on each other. Just because you do something your partner may not like it doesn't make you incompatible.' I think that maybe that description covers your situation.

Fate plays all sorts of tricks on us all. I think that I would tell my son to be honest about his crossdressing from the start, but equally be careful who and when he tells. As I said attitudes have changed since I was a child and that people in general have a better understanding.

If your husband had been honest and upfront about his crossdressing I guess you'd have binned him straight away without considering his other qualities. How would your life have been different? Would you have been happier or could it all have ended in tears? What is the 'perfect man' you found ended up having serial affairs and left you for a younger model, what if he'd ended up as an alcoholic or drug addict? Even worse his violent streak emerged and he'd regularly beat you. Nobody ever has a warts and all conversation at the outset because they believe they can change.

How would a women react if a bloke said 'I like to have a few beers and then sometimes I can become aggressive and hit women'. He believes he can control it, he wants to find a partner so he doesn't say about his past. I don't think crossdressers are any different in that respect from many other men or for that fact women. When we meet somebody new we all want to paint an attractive picture, to sell ourselves as the 'perfect' partner. There is no 'perfect' partner, we all need to work at our relationships, compromise and grow together.

So your husband crossdresses and you don't find it attractive. He doesn't dress in front of you and has removed it from the marriage. That's probably more than a lot of men would have done with other habits. As I said before my sisters husband was an alcoholic and although he drank in private (she found empty vodka bottle hidden around the house) he'd still be drunk and abusive in front of the kids. She knew he liked a drink when she married him but it escalated out of control and destroyed their marriage. I think she lost count of the amount of times he promised to give up and went to therapy.

People do change, sometimes in a good way and sometime in a bad way.

Why should a crossdresser have to introduce himself as a woman? Until I was in my late thirties I hardly ever had the opportunity to dress. When I met my wife I had no 'female' clothes in my wardrobe. I thought I'd grown out of it. What should I have done? It was about 10 years into our marriage before I bought my first item of women's clothing and another 10 before she found out. The only reason I'd tell my son to be upfront now is that I know the need to crossdress just won't go away. I didn't know that at the time.

I know that that might sound like an excuse but for my generation that is probably the truth in most cases.

We've discussed the benefits of crossdressing until the cows come home. You know why we need to express this part of ourselves. You accept it and have no problem with other crossdressers. You don't find a man dressed as a woman attractive - no big deal. I don't find women dressed as men attractive, I don't find some women dressed as women attractive! Your husband knows that you don't find him dressed as a woman attractive and he has removed this from your sight. Everything now is in your head.

Going back to your theme about being open minded. It's not binary. You can be open minded about certain things and not others. Just as the bigoted Trump supporter may be open minded about certain subjects.

You flip from being open minded about gay guys and crossdressers to being close minded by not giving a guy in a dress a chance - 'very nice guy, and I'm sure he was very handsome out of female costume, but it just wasn't for me.' You'd already made your mind up about this guy because of one thing he does, that as has been said before, harms nobody. So you weren't turned on by him in a dress. Had you have met him in different circumstances it could have been a different story. The poor guy is being honest and open and is dismissed whereas somebody else (the majority) hiding some other 'flaw' will be accepted.

What if you said 'You seem a really nice guy but I'm not into guys in dresses. However, I'd be happy to meet you in guy mode'. At the end of the day you met and married a crossdresser. By all accounts you have a good marriage, you love you husband and has a couple of great kids. So, something he does out of sight, in respect of your feelings, still causes you so much angst. As I said before this is all in your head, you know logically it doesn't make sense to feel this resentment, you just have to let it go and work on the positive.

Be open minded.

Katie