Second post, I know!! But gotta get them in before life takes me away again!

Anyway, something Katie mentioned made me question my reaction to all this - the motivation behind the crossdressing. I have noticed that the wives who seem to have come to a better place with it all have husbands who are trans. I thought this was a little surprising to be honest, as surely trans is harder to live with? You're essentially living with someone born into the wrong gender. Except, maybe, it's even harder to live with a self-professed masculine heterosexual man who has formed a habit of dressing as a woman? And crazily, I have decided yes, it probably is.

And why? Because of the addiction properties. It follows the addiction cycle where the need builds and builds and nothing can stop it until the person has dressed and got their fix. That can lead to very selfish behavior in order to meet that need, whereas, a trans guy always feels feminine so I'm guessing no highs are sought. That is definitely going to be less dramatic to live with. I also think male crossdressers are sexually motivated even if they don't admit it, and anything sex related for men can be all consuming. I also see competitiveness in the behavior, and thrill seeking that has lead men to sleep with other men while married. Not cool. Not to mention the skanky outfits, endless money spent on shopping and an exhibitionist desire to go public and be seen. Even if I weren't the wife of a crossdresser, if I had a straight male friend behaving this way I'm fairly sure it would make me uncomfortable.

Personally, I'd rather not live with either a crossdresser or a trans guy as I like masculine men. But I wonder if the time spent with a transperson who knows who they are is less rocky than time spent with a compulsive, thrill seeking crossdresser? I know that living with another addict, an alcoholic, is hell, and I know this from witnessing a close friend go through it with her husband. She never knew when he would choose his 'fix' over her and the kids, and he was not the same person while drinking. Sadly, I saw some of my own marriage in theirs. But she issued him a motivation and he is now clean. I can't do that to my husband because he's apparently powerless over his behavior and even counsellors now insist that partners accept it, and I've said this already, but that makes me annoyed and unbalances the entire relationship.

So I wonder if a man who identifies as a woman and is centered and calm about this, whether some wives, and society at large, will find him/her easier to live with than the drama of the compulsive male crossdresser?

Does motivation affect acceptance?