This one’s not really for the t-girls—it’s for the women who love them.

I'd have loved for my wife to have written this but this is me writing from our experiance and my wifes thoughts and feelings on being married to a crossdresser.. I'm adding it here as I know a lot of wives come straight here and i'm treading on toes as this part of the forum is for wives and partners to reflect but please hear me out and read on.

This is to the wives, the girlfriends, the partners. The ones who were never expecting this to be part of their story, and now find themselves navigating a new chapter they didn’t write.

If you’ve found out your husband crossdresses—or he’s just told you—first, breathe. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Confusion. Shock. Sadness. Even fear. You’re not alone. You’re not wrong. This isn’t something you had a say in, and it might feel like the man you love has suddenly shown you a side you didn’t know existed.

My wife has walked this road. She’s asked the hard questions. She’s had the sleepless nights. She’s worried what it means for our marriage, for our future, for our family. She’s feared I might want to be a woman full-time. She’s wondered what people would think of her as the wife of a man who sometimes looks like a woman. She’s worried about work, about parents, about friends. And deep down, she’s wondered about my sexuality—“Am I really the only one he’s interested in?”

Here’s what I can say from my side, and what she’s come to learn too: I’m still the same person. Crossdressing didn’t erase my love for her. It didn’t mean I was suddenly less of a man or less committed. It didn’t mean I wanted to transition or live full-time as Davina. It just meant I had another part of me that needed expression—one I’d hidden for too long.

For my wife, the journey to acceptance hasn’t been instant. And that’s okay. It’s taken time, conversation, patience, and honesty. We’ve made space for her feelings and her pace. She needed to ask the same questions more than once—and I needed to answer them without frustration.

I’ve reassured her again and again:Yes, I’m straight. No, I’m not looking for someone else. No, I’m not going to spring a life-altering change on you.Yes, I still want you.Yes, I’m still me.

She’s learned that Davina isn’t a stranger who threatens our marriage—but a side of me that helps me feel whole. A way to unwind. To express. To escape stress. To feel peace. Sometimes she even says Davina’s the softer, calmer, more patient version of me.

If you’re reading this as a partner, know this: You’re allowed to have boundaries. You’re allowed to feel unsure. You’re allowed to take your time. But also know this: you’re not alone. There are other wives out there who’ve faced this—and found ways not just to cope, but to connect.

So maybe the best thing you can do—when you’re ready—is talk. To your partner. To other women in the same boat. To yourself, with honesty and compassion. And remember: your feelings matter just as much as his.

Love is never one-sided. It’s not about blind acceptance—it’s about mutual understanding. And with time, with trust, and with tenderness, it’s possible to navigate this together.

Davina