By: Sindy
Subject: Questions from a Wife
Actually, I can't obviously speak for my husband but what I know of him, he'd say exactly what you've said. He really would. He's just shocking at expressing himself and you're not, so this is extra therapeutic for me! Thanks. :)
And I sort of understand the feeling that women don't dress as men wish. I suspect that's one of the lasting reasons that men dress as they get older, but when you're younger, and women are still putting in the effort (we do dress better when we're single usually, this is true) I sense the dressing is almost in conflict with your life then. You want the women, then go home and BECOME the woman you're attracted to. This might almost make sense if you're shy like you were and too scared to get the girl. My husband was also shy. Perhaps it's a coping mechanism for all that early attraction to femininity that had no outlet? My husband remembers being very young and attracted to teachers and television actresses etc.
Funny though, how something that starts as such a small, simple activity that gives you a nice feeling eventually becomes an identity with a name and often substantial wardrobe. Why does it progress, do you think? Is this just men being men and doing things to the extreme? Competitiveness? Or just plain old boundary pushing?
Where do you see yourself going with this? Is this your end point?
And why don't women take more advantage of the outfits available etc? Some do. Though I'll admit most of us will avoid it until those special occasions. Honestly, I'm sure there's some biological reason behind women not prettying up daily once married with kids. Maybe we're avoiding male attention? I also think, and I know it's true of myself, that we don't get any of the pleasure wearing these things that crossdressers do, and maybe all men if they tried it! There's truly no sensuousness in heels or skirt for me. I feel nothing wearing red lipstick, except maybe like I'm trying to be a Kardashian lol. Lingerie, even pretty lingerie, is very uncomfortable after a while and that restricted feeling around the chest when you're wearing a bra is so insanely annoying, most women arrive home and rip the damn thing off! And don't even get me started on stockings and heels. If boys are more sensitive to sensuality, then perhaps many women are more sensitive to discomfort. And sorry, but many of our clothes of old were UNCOMFORTABLE.
And don't even get me started on stockings and heels lol.
But it's a valid male feeling that we women don't put in the effort much anymore. We don't. I don't think that will change either as I don't know that women ever really wanted to. I mean, I can't speak for other women than those I know. But most dress for comfort. Even an outing is without heels these days. Perhaps women never wanted the pretty things in the first place but we wear it to attract men because we know men like it? Once we've got the man, we don't need it anymore. Hmmm...makes sense.
It also explains why women think you're gay. We dress to attract men. You dress like women when they're trying to attract men, therefore, you're trying to attract men. That's the thought process.
Goes to show how different crossdressers and women are, even though we might look similar.
One more question - do you see yourself still dressing when you're old and grey? I considered this the other day with my husband. Will we be retired and settling into elderly life and he's still dressing up in the mirror? I wondered if that mightn't be beyond annoying. Will I want to still live with this until we're in the grave? I also wondered if crossdressers ever consider the repetitiveness and how others might feel. Do you ever wonder if your wife might not be utterly bored with the whole thing in 10/20/30 years? I think I might be. I have often had to hold my tongue from saying 'you're STILL doing that?'.
Anyway, good to chat again. Or should I say, ramble. :)
By: Emma RG
Subject: Re: Re: Questions from a wife
Hi Sindy thanks for the message.
Still enjoying the chatter between you and Davina and now Katie.
All very rational and in reading this it relaxes me so much in my worries about my other half crossdressing as a lot of this rings true and Monday night and last night we both sat down read the blog together and talked about crossdressing nervously but more open and honest than we've even talked before.
Also Monday I got up earlier had a long shower, shaved my legs and made an effort with my makeup, wore a nice dress and moderate heels and tights to work and I felt nice.
I had some nice compliments in work from colleagues and I've done the same Tuesday and Wednesday and have surprised myself how much more confident I feel in myself making the effort I used to make every day.
My other half is like the cat that's got the crème so far seeing me back in a dress, heels and tights.
I know what you mean about don't change just because of crossdressing but it has given me a kick in the backside I think I needed.
We're going clothes shopping on the coming weekend and I have heels and dresses on my list and some new makeup.
I don't know how long it will last but 3 days this week I've put on makeup and dressed more feminine after months in trousers and flat shoes which I may go back to from time to time for comfort depending what I'm doing in work but the majority of the time I'm so far enjoying my new image, I may even get my hair done different.
Keep asking Davina questions as a lot of the things you have asked I wanted to ask the other half but afraid of upsetting him or getting an answer I don't like.
So far this all makes sense.
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Questions from a wife
Hi Emma. I wouldn't personally change who you are at all if you're happy. You're right - it won't change the outcome. Your husband will crossdress anyway and I suspect you dressing up now would only trigger it. Women have nothing to do with all this, in my personal opinion. It's more about the men and why they have this need in the first place. Envy. Rejection. Hormones. Emotional comfort. It's a minefield and chatting here with Davina is helping me realize it's likely a lot simpler than it seems but in the end, it's not about us. So don't change who you are.
That said, men like sexy dressed women and I'll admit I'm still attractive and can turn heads but I rarely wear the items that had this effect all those years ago lol. It's just not practical or comfortable and it's sort of annoying. I doubt a crossdresser would bother if they had to dress every day either.
Anyway, nice to see another wife here. I can't believe I married a crossdresser some days. It's so weird and completely off my radar and yet here we are. These are good guys though, many of them. I can see that, which is why I sense there's something more at play than just bad luck, curiosity and dodgy genetics. I suspect there's some unaddressed psychological issue in the majority of crossdressers that men being men refuse to acknowledge. My husband definitely has a clouded view on life as a female. It's nonsense but I suspect he has always been jealous of how much easier it is for women to attract sexual attention from others. I think that's the crux of his issues and he'll never address them. So we carry on...
By: Emma RG
Subject: Questions from a wife
This conversation even though between here and blog and a bit hard to follow is a good open one answering and asking or vice versa lots of questions we'd all like to ask our other halves.
I don't know why it's such a difficult subject to discuss.
Reading the messages and the blog some of it makes sense and Davina is being honest and shows a humorous side which shows she doesn't take crossdressing too seriously.
We on the other hand do take it seriously as it's not the norm for men to dress up and try to look like women but point taken and I'll follow "wife" and admit I go for comfort not sexy but before I got married I went for sexy.
Dresses, always makeup, tights (Sometimes stockings) and always high heels. Now it's flip flop or flat shoes, trousers and a blouse so yes we women do change when we get married and sorry but we do feel content and make less effort.
I haven't even considered how this change effects my other half and suppose it is a shock for men when women stop dressing as they portray women.
Writing this I promise to make more of an effort but I know it will not stop or deter his crossdressing.
You may be right about the role swap men taught to be macho women taught to be dainty as more and more women compete with men in work and become more like men and men need some escape and feel equality is slipping too far past equal status especially with image.
Hope you're having a nice weekend, I'm going Sunday shopping.
Keep up the blog
By: Davina
Subject: Re: Questions from a Wife
Another good post and glad I you took the "women don't make the effort" thing the right way .. you answered a question there that I cant get my head around .. probably other crossdressers feel the same about women not wanting to wear heels etc..
Anyway You are really feeding my blog lol so I will take your message later tonight some time and reply in the blog again as you raise some very valid points which again I've already considered myself and will answer fully for you
Keep it going and watch out for the bolg response later.
I hope my wife's reading this .. I'll tell her about our correspondence later if she's not.
If I were to write a book on Crossdressing You may be my co-author lol