By: Sindy
Subject: Quick question for the other wives
Emma, Hannah and other wives, do you ever have those days where you're like 'wtf, my husband is a crossdresser!'
Those are my hardest. All the chatting and information and comfort and knowing their are other alpha males like Davina doing this, and I'll still get the stomach-punch day, usually when we're doing some family thing and the kids are looking at him like a superhero and I'll suddenly remember 'god, he likes wearing dresses.'
Hate it. Usually I can be logical about it, and then these moments come and I want to tell him he's a selfish git for being like this and wrecking the perfect guy image I had.
And then it passes and I move on. Am I the only one having these days? Has anyone figured out how to move permanently on from these negative thoughts? :(
Davina and Katie, your thoughts appreciated, too.
By: Davina
Subject: Re: Re: Quick question for the other wives
Brilliant Hannah but I'd have called my wife's bluff and had the skin tone foundation test thing done but the no7 foundation is too expensive for crossdressing
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Quick question for the other wives
LOL Hannah you're so mean! I love it lol. I'll have to try that myself, though I'd probably.y blush too and give the game away!
I'm glad I'm not the only one having off days. For those of us on the outside, it's always going to be a bit weird, isn't it? I mean, if you really think logically about cross dressing it IS weird. Doesn't matter the reasons or motives or any of it - in the end it's grown men pretending to be women. I'll always find it an odd activity but that horror someone mentioned is definitely an overreaction. I figure we react that way because we expect most people outgrew 'dress up' as kids. And because the few cross dressers we might have encountered are all serious perverts lol. Who the hell wants to be married to a pervert?!
Once all that is cleared up, it does become a little easier to look past the weirdness and remember that all humans are a little odd and hopefully the rest of the person makes up for it.
Though, I'm not sure what an obsessive, more regularly dressed crossdresser does for a relationship. I'd doubt many women would put up with the ones most commonly seen on forums. I sure wouldn't. The 'Davina Type Crossdresser' is the type where marriage can thrive. The further you head along that spectrum the closer to divorce I expect you would get.
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: Quick question for the other wives
Hi Hannah
Glad you can see the humour. I'd have been so embarrassed.
By: Hannah (Wife of a Crossdresser)
Subject: Re: Quick question for the other wives
I agree it sometimes crops up and I think how the hell is he a crossdresser seeing him out Sat night with other Couples in the pub thinking look at him acting all macho when Friday he worked from home wearing makeup a wig a dress and lingerie stockings and high heels its mad.
I now see the more funny side to it now that I'm relaxed hes not gay or going to run off with a man or wants to become a woman.
Saturday I needed new foundation so went to Boots and as I have a bit of a tan had a skin colour test with the No 7 beautician and after having my test done said to him come on princess now its your turn lol he went bright red and I said to the beautician do you have that colour red. I'm laughing now typing this he was so embarrassed.
By: Emma RG
Subject: Re: Quick question for the other wives
Yes I have those moments where I think 'wtf, my husband is a crossdresser!'
It is getting easier though.
By: Davina
Subject: Re: Quick question for the other wives
I will have to ask my wife a out this one or maybe she can respond here too.
Maybe she does think that sometimes or maybe she has in the past when her levels of acceptance and thoughts of me crossdressing were initial and different than they are today.
I know we share a private joke and smile if crossdressing comes up in conversation and she's more inclined to be thinking if only they knew what you do!
Were still the perfect men you married as we were crossdressers before we got married.. We haven't changed but maybe our crossedressing has from more of a dress to get off to dress for escapism and because we enjoy it these days..
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Quick question for the other wives
The blog has definitely helped me and others so I can't see how that is harmful.
If you don't identify with the 'Davina' type crossdresser then maybe what is said here isn't valid to your own situation but it doesn't make it harmful to other people who do.
Crossdressing is a broad church and I can only comment on how I feel and answer any questions with honesty. I am alway open to listening and I have in the past changed my views on evidence produced. Sometime looking at things from a different angle can give more clarity.
By: Davina
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Quick question for the other wives
Much appreciated comment on the blog helping as there are still some detractors who say the blog is harmful.. They can't tell me why but the messages here and in emails I get say otherwise... People who hate on the blog aren't on the same part or path as us occasional crossdressers.
Hope everyone's having a good weekend.
By: Sindy
Subject: Re: Re: Quick question for the other wives
Thanks Katie - your words mean a lot. And I understand the affair/former partners analogy. Isn't it weird how hung up we can get on things we can't even change? So frustrating. I like the idea of accepting these feelings will happen and to know they will also go, too. Wise words. I will try this next time I'm having a bad day. I'll remind myself it will pass and life will be good again.
You and Davina are going to help a lot of crossdressers with this blog, as many wives will read here and start feeling much better. Me included! :)
By: Katie
Subject: Re: Quick question for the other wives
It may not be relevant but I often wonder how couples managed to get back together after one of them has had an affair. I think the image of my wife being with someone else would be too much for me to take.
However, the reason I think it is relevant is that sometime (very rarely now) I get a thought about her and her ex. I know it was before we met, I knew about him before we met, most people will have had past relationships before they met, I'd had ex-girlfirends but it doesn't stop that thought occasionally popping into my head. I probably have no right to have his thought and logically there is no reason for it to happen. I've been happily married for nearly 25 years with a couple of great kids and I love my wife dearly. But it happens. I can't even put my finger on the emotion it triggers.
When it does I have to reinforce all the reasons I married her and all the great times we've had / will have together.
As you said 'And my kids are so gorgeous, and my husband really is an awesome guy, that yes I can feel robbed at times...but I'd marry him all over again anyway. It's worth it.'
I don't think that you will move away completely from the emotions. But overtime they may be less frequent and you'll be able to brush them off carry on as normal.
You've made great strides to accept it logically. You've obviously spent a lot of time finding out about crossdressing and not just from this blog. That shows you care. It's just that emotion play tricks on us on occasions and if you accept that they do you can let the feelings pass and get on with your awesome life.