Wow a tgirl who wrote a book on here cool.

Sindy listen to Davina and Katie they are tgirl Jedi.

Pamper yourself and surprise him in makeup heels and a dress on Friday night he’ll love it.

Much of what Davina moans about is true in the compensation dressing my other half did it partly as I’d turned drab and plain then I decided to be a girly girl again and were both happier now the compensation dressing is less of a drive for him and the fact we both have fun with his cross dressing and the open door policy we have on dressing is key.

So hard Davina when you want to talk dressing and your wife if she means to or not changes the subject you promised to get her on here You PROMISED!

Em (RG Wife)

My Crossdressing is 'all or nothing' and this limits my opportunity as has to be all or nothing or I won’t dress.

I don’t and doubt he would want to be a feminine man I mean what’s worse a husband who is a cross dresser in private or a husband who is feminine?

I don’t have any male friends who are feminine.

Where’s the fun in being a feminine boy or man without the lingerie stockings red lips and heels.

The parallels between being a feminine man and a tgirl are miles apart.

I wouldn’t feel escapism acting like a feminine man the thought makes me cringe lol.

Also doubt his dressing is a substitute for the stripper slut girlfriend he wishes he had in fact he probably wishes you’d strip for him some time down to sexy matching lingerie stockings and high heels. Xx

Hi Sindy

I think that you are searching for the reason behind that ‘uncomfortable feeling’ that you have about your husband’s crossdressing. I’m not sure that it’s about being copied.

One day maybe it’ll suddenly all make sense and you’ll be able to lose that feeling. I’ll keep my fingers crossed, as I know you desperately want to be at peace with his crossdressing.

I’d don’t find throwaway lines about ‘trannies’ hurtful. I just feel sorry for the person making them due to their ignorance on the subject. Some are light hearted and only meant in jest but others show a complete lack of understanding. The most worrying are always those who think that it’s a ‘sin’ and that somehow we are evil for wanting to dress as the opposite sex.

A lot of what we do as human beings is superficial and frivolous especially in the rich economies of the world. Men are equally guilty of being superficial and frivolous so I don’t think it is a feminine trend.

I do believe that we have an inbuilt love of pretty, shiny things. We’ve adorned ourselves for centuries in bright colour and sparkly things – it doesn’t matter if you live in New York or the depths of the Amazon some people still like to be showy!

I assume that the woman in my previous post loves fashion and enjoys her femininity. I know women whose hobby could be described as make up and clothes. There is a whole industry devoted to these women. I believe that the way they dress makes them feel good about themselves – they get great enjoyment out of the latest fashions. There must be something in their personality that makes them attracted to certain styles and ways of dressing. I believe that as a crossdresser I also have this same attraction in my personality. I probably get the same enjoyment browsing through fashion magazines looking at all the beautiful clothes as she does. I can put them on and become that person.

Equally there are women who find the whole clothes, make up, fashion thing a chore. They’d love nothing better than to be able to dress as a man – no hassle about what goes with what, no need for make up, shaving etc. And you do see these women walking around looking dowdy.

I think that sometimes these women take on this appearance because they want to be taken seriously. I read an article where a woman had to dye her hair from blonde to brunette and wear glasses to be taken seriously – A real ‘Legally Blond’ scenario. Isn’t it wrong that someone who likes to look feminine will find it harder to succeed in a male world? If you want to get on dress like a man!

As for getting our own style, well have you tried to find dresses and skirts cut for the male figure? A few designers will slip a ‘male’ skirt into a collection every so often to appear radical but they just aren’t around. Besides part of the whole femininity thing is about breasts, curves and long hair.

I think to a degree crossdressers do have our own style – heels, dress/skirt, blouse and tights/stockings – have a look on the Internet and you’ll see the majority dress in the same way. It’s our view of femininity. If you take a look around there are very few women who dress in that way. Maybe on occasions they will but generally it’s jeans and a t-shirt. If you want to ‘pass’ during the day then you’ll need to wear this uniform – heels and shirts don’t work at the supermarket!

When you look at picture of any trans event all the crossdresser are done up to the nines. That is our style. Underneath we still have those ‘gorgeous’ male bodies or at least as far as the ravages of time will allow ;-).

So ladies start wearing our style and celebrate your femininity.

Katie

Of course, there's no point saying any of this to my husband as he's the 'all or nothing' kind and wouldn't see the point in being a feminine man. Maybe if he'd been allowed to be a 'feminine boy' he never would have reached this point...who knows. Maybe he's a total fetishist and emulates women as a substitute for the stripper slut girlfriend he wishes he had. Sometimes I think that really is the depth of his reasoning.

Ah well...

Thanks Davina. You're a good sounding board here. And those throwaway 'tranny' comments from people are the worst, aren't they. Doesn't matter if you're the crossdresser or you're the spouse/friend of a crossdresser - it's always like a knife to the gut. See, that's another innate reaction I have. I feel upset when other people make rude remarks about you. So clearly I'm also on your side. I just can't get around these feelings I've had forever and can't seem to shift. My husband isn't the problem. I need to make that clear. He hasn't changed anything and isn't doing anything wrong - and from the rare few times I've seen him dressed - he also doesn't look like me at all. Different taste and colouring as Davina mentioned - that cracked me up actually. No, we don't dress the same with our flat shoes and comfy pants haha.

No, it's more that he's trying to copy the 'woman' part and I don't know why that bothers me so much. Perhaps there is this part of me that things men shouldn't do the things women do. Katie, you're right that it's sad if I don't think what women do is worthy enough for men. Thing is, I do think a lot of what makes women 'feminine' is pretty damn frivolous and superficial. I think we can all agree on that. I don't really know why men want to carry on the behaviors that women have been trying to shed for decades. Perhaps we should just hand you guys over all the feminine trappings and get on with our lives in our comfy clothes...that could also work! lol

I do wonder though, and this does annoy me and perhaps explains the 'being copied' feeling, why crossdressers don't just find their own style instead of taking the style of women. Why aim to pass as female and try and shape your presentation into something it will never naturally never be? Why not create your own version of 'feminine' that uses the natural shape of a man? I've said before that I think society could eventually get behind feminine men, but unless you're transgender and identify as female, I just don't see Joe Public ever broadly accepting men who try and 'pass' as women. It comes across as deceiptful and I think it will always bother all the other heterosexual dudes who don't want to be caught hitting on you. I could be wrong and one day crossdressers can disappear into the fabric of womanhood without harassment, but going by all the current backlash at crossdressers using female restrooms, I'm inclined to think 'passing' is not the way forward.

How about I say to all crossdressers what any woman would say to someone copying them: "Find your own damn style!" You're not transsexual. You're men. You have gorgeous male bodies that we love. How about you find a way to 'be feminine' without trying to be female. Why is this so hard to fathom?

Easy for me to say acceptance is the way forward but in terms of the occassional crossdressing what harm does it do if you are both open and honest and set rules and boundaries around it and find acceptance as as weve said before there are worse secrets and habbits he could keep.

Great post Katie

I also crossdress because I enjoy it - it gives me pleasure, relaxes me, makes me feel sexy and I find it fun to transform myself and to stay transformed for a few hours and has a lasting effect for a few hours as a pill free stress relief somehow.

Its also a firm compensation wearing things I like to see women in and has become a strong form of compensation .. I would love my wife to take Emmas approach and go all out girly with makeup hair dresses and heels but shes at that stage in life mission sort of accomplished husband check kids check house check job check contentment check comfy shoes check trousers check lol why do most women hit this at a certain contentment stage grrr it really irks me but even if my wife did an Emma Id still crossdress maybe this ship or cure for want of a better word sailed in my mid 20s when stress came into my life for the first time and I started crossdressing again after a brief stint of not doing it with my gf now wife wearing heels tights mini skirts dresses etc.

What's wrong with a man wanting to feel feminine if part of him likes to feel feminine from time to time? What's wrong with a woman wanting to feel masculine? To echo Katie and I say nothing especially if a woman wants to feel masculine its seen as a positive thing but a man cannot and should not feel or act feminine as its seen as a sign of weakness sissy or perversion and that is soooo wrong.

I agree expressing the gender or look as is it expressing a gender if youre merely dressing up maybe if you go for the fake tits and makeup and wig its gender but if it makes you feel at any moment in time relaxed or if you find it fun or thrilling to do something different it is not about robbing someone else's identity its a way of finding fun and relaxation a weird way most would say and to an extent it is about expressing your own identity the one you surpress the softer feminine side you dare not admit to having for sake of losing alpha status with your wife and friends and family.

I don't dress to decieve I dress as I enjoy it its part of me and has been all my life and it really really for whatever reason does give us a feeling of well being, balance and stress release which is very hard to explain.

Agreed that people who make throw away comments about 'trannies' normally do so from a position of ingnorance or hiding the fact they di it themselves as Ive experianced with work collegues away from home in a hotel having a pint or two in the evening after or before a meeting when the topis of stephen becomes steph at weekends inevitably crops up we were in MK and one Engineer mentioned oh this is the capitol for trannies theres a night club pink punters and a hotel opposite they all stay in my tgirl radar was blipping oh ok an admirer or a t girl which one is he lol hmmm too much info and knowledge about this subject.

We are on our wives and girlfriends side and we do at a certain time feel aweful that we put them through this but we have to put that to one side as agonising about it on both sides of the fence will only cause more stress and resentment.

Likewise have yet to read Savannah's book but will get on my kindle later today.

I also need to get my blog into Word and start sorting it into a memoir or a book and perhaps we can all be part editors or contributors under some cool pseudonyms and collect the royalties lol.

I need to have a good chat to my wife one where we are talking crossdressing and specifically my need to crossdress which she unwittingly keeps dismissing conscious or not shes doing it and complete a conversation without a change of subject lol so frustrating on my part as the mental anguish to bring it up probably equalled by her mental anguish talking about it.oh why is it so complicated something so simple.

She does seem uncomfortable perhaps my declaration I might want to go out dressed or at least once see how it feels and not in public per say more an event where others will be dressed or some social gathering as Davina just unwind and have opportunity to talk to others in disguise as Davina much like we are doing here but in person.

The local tgirls I chat to have mentioned a place called Miss Cs which is 20 miles away a daytime event purely social where some of them go chat have a cup of tea photoshoots and the like which seems ok but I doubt she would be willing for me to go.

I understand it is really really hard to verbalise the discomfort you feel Sindy about your husband crossdressing and the gut reaction to it as in you didnt marry a crossdresser well you did but you did not know you did until he sprang it on you much the same as I sprang it on my wife albeit she asked to dress me up as a woman which I wont go over again long story lol.

A point in time I could have lied about this whole thing and claimed she got me into it and I wonder how she would have reacted if I had told this white lie.

However Sindy you dont have a problem in myself or Katie or Savannah crossdressing much the same as my wifes said if our friends husband was a tgirl no problem.

Its the but not my husband thing which I can also understand.

My wifes also had to endure her female friends make throwaway comments about 'trannies' including her best friend declare an ex bf crossdressed ridiculing it so gaining her best friends point of view which incidentally impacted on me and also her ex bf is a friend of mine.

I have never spoken to him about crossdressing not the sort of thing as men we discuss when we see one another.

And the other incidental is my wifes best friend would probably say WOW if she found out I was a crossdresser as its the not my husband thing again.

It comes up remarkably among work collegues in japes about Stephen in the week Stephanie on the weekend and other types of names easily feminised such as Davina lol and I always join in the banter intently listening and also think aahhaaa maybe Im not the only t girl in the office and theres more to this banter than meets the eye.

Why do we feel so squirmish about crossdressing though is it the social stigma associated with it being gay or a man will transition into becoming a woman or a man must be a pervert and if it is why has this come about other than in some cases it being true but very rare will one of us occasional very part time tgirls or crossdressers actually be gay or bisexual or want to ever transition and we are far from perverts it just happens we gain something positive from crossdressing which is inexplicable.

Yes I recall Single White Female but again how many crossdressers dress to look like our wives I certainly dont but I may dress to look like Holly Willoughby or Gabby Yorath who Ive been told I have a resemblance to when I crossdress which is taken in high regard as a compliment even though my wife says Gabby is a little manly lol even easier for me to pull off looking similar to her but its how they dress and how they do their makeup and wear their hair I may copy but not stalkingly trying to replicate them.

If you get feelings of being creeped out in the presence of a man crossdressing is it because your husband tries to dress and look like you?

My wifes brunette I’m a blonde as Davina so I dont try to look like her and hope she doesnt have the same creepy feeling when Im crossddressed

Now Sindy we can rule out him emulating and copying as youre at that stage where you dont wear high heels sexy lingerie etc lol sorry had to jab that in there and my wifes the same the thing that annoys me about women and one rule for women and another rule for men I know Im like a broken record as us men change and its an issue especially if its crossdressing lol but women change how they look or dress and its accepted as if we open our mouths about it women bite our heads off.

If I nagged my wife to dress in a dress and heels more its more likely she wont do it even though I dont feel Im asking much and fair to say Ive almost given up asking her so its far easier to dress myself.

Now in terms of you feeling its like a personal attack. Does that make sense? NO

If it creeps you out how he is as a tgirl help him out and make it so it doesnt creep you out you may even find it fun your own full grown barbie doll lol.

I need to drag my wife her to support you Sindy as your input is invaluable to this Forum.

This forum will only work with more wives and girlfriends contributing to keep it balanced or us tgirls will just put our rose tinted views on everything.

You don't feel this way around gay friends when they're playing 'drag queen' on a night out as it is not your husband.

And look Dang those were some fun nights but not if your husband is in drag.

They're just having fun and so am I so is Katie so is Savannah and so is your husband nothing serious just fun,

We probably over act but we also probably try more to act like real women although my wife will say Im nicer as Davina shes also told me to walk more feminine shoulders back etc which maybe I do when alone more but less mincing in front of her as shed maybe laugh her head off.

Im not trying to be an authentic woman I want to look as real as possible and use the time for some escapism but I dont really emulate a woman exactly ie does it count if im crossdressed watching football with a bottle of beer some women enjoy watching football so I dont know lol

I suppose tgirls out in public feel they have to mimik women to add to the illusion in public trying not to be read and some can go ott.

We observe and people watch women all the time loving seeing femininity

Its a bit weird for me reading this point of view Sindy like you're being possessed and that you don't like that your husband tries to possess what it is to be a woman. Does he know you feel this way?

This isnt on his mind thought at all hes just having fun expressing himself as a crossdresser no doubt and with you not wanting anything to do with it expressing himself in private away from you which can be a good and bad thing bad in that dont you feel what is he doing when hes in some hotel crosdressed and is he meeting and dressing with anyone else?

I thought this would be a main concern and thought process.

Now that you’ve confronted these thoughts and feelings, where the hell do you go with them?

You go to him and talk to him about these feelings and gain some reassurances allay your fears and find peace in what you can and cannot accept and please please accept the harmless fun that crossdressing can be and the positive aspects it can have on your husbands health, stress levels and if you have to put it down like my wife some quirk of her alpha male husband which occasionally crops up and has to be done.

I really need to get her on here and hope she will add her thoughts to all this which will be good for me to read also if she openly types away and shows her feelings and fears.

Keep posting its good to read and to understand and Im sure those popping in here to read but not yet signed up get a lot of benefit from reading your posts Sindy xxxx

Davina

1) All of them may enjoy being feminine from time to time.

2) All of them may enjoy being masculine from time to time.

3) All of them maybe gay.

4) All of them maybe straight.

5) All of them maybe bi.

6) One of them may make people feel 'uncomfortable'.

7) Two of them are acceptable in open society.

8) One of them maybe accused of pretending to be something they are not.

9) All of them are expressing how they feel at a moment in time.

10) One of them was born as a man.

11) Two of them were born as a woman.

12) None of them are trying to decieve anyone.

13) Does being a woman give you exclusivity on femiine clothes?

14) Is being seen as a woman demeaning?

15) Is being seen as being a man positive?

16) Is wearing what you like wrong?

Please don't judge a book by the cover. I don't wear women's clothes to 'possess their souls' I do it because I enjoy it - it gives me pleasure and a sense of being.

They all dress the way they do because they enjoy it. Two love women's fashion and one male. What's wrong with a man wanting to feel feminine if part of him likes to feel feminine from time to time? What's wrong with a woman wanting to feel masculine?

If she wants to bind her breats and pack a punch to make the suit look good then that's fine with me. One of my neighbours does exactly that and I don't feel she is encrouching on my territory. If he wants to 'enhance' his assets, shave his body and look feminie it's fine by me. If one day she wants to ditch the skirt and heels and put on an old t shirt and jeans then she's quite entitled.

Expressing the gender you feel at any moment in time is not about robbing someone else's identity, it's about expressing your own identity. We don't dress to decieve we dress to express. And that expression give us a feeling of well being, balance and so please don't think of it as a personal afront.

We all know that with knowledge we can accept. People who make throw away comments about 'trannies' normally do so from a position of ingnorance. Everything they think they know is probably a myth and women who take the time to talk to a crossdresser soon find that they have many things in common. As I said in a previous post - we're on your side!

Katie